So I am going to do a human video solo and I really need a good song. The sooner I get one the better. I really need it this week. If any of you have any ideas of somthing that is not all over the place right now, an older song or somthing not so well known, I would love any suggestions. 

I want to breathe again..

But my throat is swollen.
And I've forgotten to breathe.
My heart is broken.
And I can't seem to bleed.

I don't want to hurt anymore..

But I'm writhing on the floor.
Everything inside of me is crying.
Yet no tears hit the floor.

I want to breathe again..

God, help me to understand your ways,
Even through the pain of a thousand wounds.
Lord, please let me see your good,
Even in the midst of a sea of evil.
I'm sorry to question you and your infinite wisdom,
But my scars scream too loud.
God, please deliver me from my plight.
That I may declare your praises!

I want to breathe again.

By Adam.

How far are you, how close am I
I know your words are true and I don't feel them inside
Still I believe you'll never leave
So where are you now

You're all I have, You're all I know
Your breath is breathing in my soul
Still I am gasping, aching, asking
Where are you now

Cause I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile

My journey's here, but my heart is There
So I dream and wait, and keep the faith, while You prepare
Our destiny, til You come back for me
Oh, please make it soon!

Cause I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile

I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feel like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feel like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile

by Chris Rice....

    I hate school related embarrassment (well any really, but especially school stuff cause you kinda have to do it). Ughh school is....

finish the sentence using your own words.

    I have an exam today and while I have studied, I never feel ready. Let's hope I don't fail this one. 

An e-mail I got today from the guy I work for;

 "There once was a boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence..." to shorten the story - the son finally learned to control anger and he regretted the things he had done in anger he pulled out all the nails and his father told him he had done well, however; "The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. " A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one"

I don't want to drive the nails only to regret them. I hate that you can't always fix things that you have done.

You get to make changes in your life, you have choices, but some things you just can't choose. Although at least now there are some things that I thought were totally baseless (if that's a word) and now I am finding that they at least have some validation. When you mess up, you deal with consequences and try not to let it keep you down. I HATE messing up. I hate messing up... I hate wanting to say things, wanting to get things out but just not having the will-power or courage to open them. I have chosen though, and I will.

               So today was so much fun. I went to Chattanooga as youth staff on a trip to the aquarium. Despite my misunderstanding as to when exactly I was supposed to be at the church, thus almost missing the trip, it was a great day. It was fun to be able to hang out with these teens because many of them I haven't ever really had a chance to talk to. We had a great time and no one was killed. I think they had more energy than I have in a week. I guess I should sleep well tonight then. God is gracious. Through everything I mess up, He still shows me that He can use me. I am so greatful for the opportunities He gives to serve Him. Though I don't feel like I actually helped a whole lot today, it was cool to see the way God is drawing this group together.

God is AWESOME!!!

I am so confused... I'll think I have something... only then to have it turned around and find myself right back where I have already been.

I didn't have to go to work today!!!!! YAY!!! yea so the guy I work for decided to take the day off (granted he forgot to tell me) so I show up ready for 5 hours of work, and they told me to just take today off! Good thing because today was going to be really stressful. Plus it gave me a chance to go to lunch with my dad and talk about some stuff we needed to.

Life is a vapor... what I'm stressed about today will pass... and tomorrow will have it's own worries. So just trust and live.

Watching movies with friends is a great way to get your mind off of stressful stuff. Thank you Mrs. Julie and Meagan!! Chic flics till late = loads of fun! Throw in a popcorn fight and tons of laughter = gigantinc loads of fun!! In other areas, my dad is letting me make more choices myself and I wish others would allow me to do the same.

     I have been informed that I don't have enough recent pictures... to those of you who don't know I HATE PICTURES... I love taking them I don't like them of me.. then again most people don't. Anyway Mrs. Jeana took these, they are my senior pictures. She did a really good job. I was getting them together for something else and thought I would go ahead and post some. 

    Ok so I posted some older stuff. This was all done when I was 14 and it's just stuff that was in my sketchbook. none of it is really complete works. All but one are just sketches and the exception is the oil painting, but it's not finished either (even though I haven't worked on it since). anyway... just thought I'd post some of it... I may do back later and post stuff from like when I was 7-13... should I?

Yeah.. so we don't get snow days... I stayed up all night then slid all over the road trying to get to class. I got everything done! I then went to the rec center thinking that I would stop in just to check on my job status.. I've been doing this for a couple days. I pop in and say that I really need it done quickly and then I leave. I did this in hopes of being determined enough to actually get a job. I was planning to go straight from there to get a nap... I didn't sleep last night or the night before or the one before that... I need to stop doing that... anyway so I go into the rec center and I'm talking to them saying that I need a job when a guy comes up and asks if I would be willing to work with him, I said that I would, and so from 1 till just a few minutes ago that's where I've been. Now I need to go pick bethy and zay up in Auburntown and then come back in to help with a youth thing tonight.... Guess no nap... oh well I don't have a whole lot of homework tonight... God's awesome!! The guy at the rec center is a christian and is very willing to work around my schedule!! What a blessing! 

    I said I was going to stop this rediculous getting no sleep act.... I'm in the middle of one report and have another to go before I can go to sleep.... the next one I haven't even read the material yet. It's art though so my writing process goes like this... :free-write, take out any uncommon words or any that are complicated or look like someone might think it's a big word, redo any complex sentence structures, spell check and I'm done... the one I'm on now though is :-P... some of you know the book I had to read for it... yea... I'm tired again... wonder why... haha being an insomniac wasn't so bad when I didn't get tired at all, now it's just not cool at all....

    ok.... yea  I never used to fall asleep unless I was at home and I wanted to and really tried.... but yea I think I might be needing some sleep now... Hooper woke me up at his and Chris' apartment when I fell asleep on their beanbag, after saying I was going to work on a report, then Pastor Dan woke me up while I was laying in the church hallway on my assignment that I was.. ummm working on... I also fell asleep at the dining room table somewhere between 5:30-6 am the other day while I was working on my project... I woke up on the hardwood floor at six... ouch... This isn't me, I don't fall asleep while I'm working on something.... how do you all stay awake when you have homework?

    So today as I was walking across campus, this lady stops me and asks me if I want to go to this weight loss seminar. I take the pamphlet because that's way easier then explaining that I don't want to, then as I was leaving she's like "I knew you'd be interested." Sooo... yea I'm walking away thinking "gee that makes you feel great" haha... yea anyway...
   
    On another note I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH HOMEWORK!!!! How I'm gonna get it all done is way beyond me!