May 04 2008

Ha Ha Ha so i've made some new friends and i've grown closer to Christ. Life sucks but then its amaZing. And you know what sucks the most...my past with guys. Its like if i had never gone out with Tyler nor Charlie my life would be amaZing right now, but i wouldn't have had such a great past. Its a bitter sweet thing. BUT anyway, every where i turn someone is talking about Charlie or i see him and he looks at me like he has never met me. Or i'll hear Tyler and I's song from when we were going out or i'll be some where and remember Tyler and i did something stupid there or something like that. BUT then there is my good friend Carmen to cheer me up :P lol but dude i'm made some new friends and its tight! There is BestFriend (Kasey, ha there are no words for Kasey. LoL he is just a really fun guy friend..and its fun to hang out with him, he doesn't make it were i have to like like him or he isn't gona talk to me..he just wants to have fun like me!) BoB Dillon (Dillon, he is..more of Carmens friend then mine but he is cool to hang out with) Zooey (Zooey, i'm just getting to know her but she is pretty nifty.) Matty (Matt, he is pretty much like Kasey...just more hoish. lol Carmen will know what i mean by that.)

ANYWAYS..all this to say, i'm starting to fit in, starting to get where when i'm hit i get right back up! its kinda nice!

Well love you guys :)

The Mirror will not show a man.

May 04 2008

My mirror will show no man.

A man can control his hand.

A man can control his fist.

A man can control himself.

A man can control his tounge.  

A man has self-control.

A man can bleed and not be harmed.

A man can make a mistake only once.

A man will not tear through anguish.  

A man knows work and play, and does both effeciently.

A man knows his Heart and mind.

A man knows the blood the must be shed.

A man knows the lives that must be taken.

A man knows the the tears that must not be shown.

A man knows the right time for everything.

A man knows the difference between kill and murder. 

A man is wise.

A man can use his rifle appriopiatly. 

A man can tell the difference between kill and wound.

A man will speak the religious side of politics. 

A man reserves his manners for proper times.

A man reserces his foul language for foul times. 

My mirror will show no man. 



May 03 2008

I just thought i would let you know that i absolutly hate it when people post thoughts and the people who are reading them have no idea what you are trying to say. 

like when people are writing to others and they dont even have a phusebox.  what is the point in even writing?  Are you just looking for attention.  really i dont understand.  or if you say oh my

life sucks so much at the moment

sure people can be there for you but most of the time guarenteed others dont want to hear about your problems.  If the reader is having good day they dont want to hear about someones crappy life.  but if you do decide to go ahead and say oh my life sucks please tell us why

dont just say oh i cant stand every thing that is going on.... okay there has to at least be one good thing going on


thats about all i have to say

and please feel free to give me crap about this haha

May 03 2008

so right now life's going great.

Lovk and Load.

May 03 2008

Just give me a rifle.

Just give me a few rounds. 

It will calm my nerves.

Give me a target far away.

I don't care about the range of this weapon.

Even if I know I can't hit it I will try.

Just give me a rifle.

Just give me a few rounds.

It will calm my nerves.

It will make the blood flow again.

Just staring down the sights.


Time to take off the rifle cover.   


Just give me a chance.

Just give me a few minutes with you.

It will calm my nerves.

I know we are far away.

I will try my hardest to get you.

Just give me a chance.

Just give me a few minutes with you.

It will calm my nervers. 

It will make me love again.

Just seeing you will help.  


May 02 2008

 the night with austin was Great , a lot is good

but ....


 (thats all i can think to say)

My favorite commersial

May 02 2008
Ok, so this is the best thing that has ever or will ever be on TV. If you don't watch it you have missed one of the happiest things on the planet. So watch it!!

Song of the Week. "Love and Memories"

May 02 2008
ok so this is a new band I found that I really like. O.A.R stands for Of A Revolution. They are from the Virgin Islands...I think. I know it is over there somewhere. They are really fun to listen to. OAR is really popular at college parties and what not...well I hope you enjoy this song by a new band (to me) "Love and Memories" by O.A.R.

Yeah Ya'll just an old Saturday night.

May 02 2008

Nah just grab me some sweet tea

We can sit on the porch and watch the cars go by.

We can spit and tell stories.

'Round 6 we will get a bon fire goin'

See what kinda trouble we can get inta.

We'll invite that Davis boy, for kicks and giggles that Lankford girl.

See if we can get the Johnsons over

Ah man here comes the mason kid.

We can cuss, and drink and watch the stars go bye.

Round about 1 we will pull out the Guitar

and that old mason jar...I swear pa we ain't touched it.

Promise Mr. Lankford we will be at church tomorrow...

He says service starts at 10...hope we can make it by 20 after.

The chill'un are tired now so time to quite down.

Once Pa rolls out his sack we can sneak off.  

Make sure to grab a bottle that is easy to spin.

Wait is someone coming?

Na ain't noting but imagination. 


Pa loves to teach lessons.

We ain't never in big trouble though.

B'sides we confess tomorrow...that 'll make pa satisfied.

I'll do it for a kiss.

Just an old Saturday night.  



May 01 2008
lol its random but fun.

one more year....

May 01 2008

so it's less than 24 hours till i am no longer a teenager.... thats right... its almost my 20th birthday... most people would be ecstatic right.. me... i'm terrified...


looking back on the last 20 years of my life all i can see is millions of mistakes and regrets... and stupid actions that i can't change.  i know everyone out there will just say well their in the past.. just learn from them and move on... but see thats my problem right now.. moving on...


over the past 7 years i have been holding on to the one thing that i have been unable to move on from than anything else in my life... my mom..


i know it's selfish of me and really immature but shit she hurt me...and it's taking forever and slowly it's working but this one is just a little hard to forgive and forget...


i feel like on the outside i'm one person and in the inside i'm this scared little child that's holding on for dear life praying that she won't have to grow up and face all the challenges and regrets from the past that have put her where she is now in the present...


there are so many things i look forward to over the next 20 years (other than getting old of course)... i'm just so scared that my past will never let me go so i can move on with my future that i have had planned for so long.  


i know over this year being by myself i really have grown... granted i have made some more mistakes.. but i'm at least owning up to them faster than before...


it's just really scary... being a grown-up... i never thought there would be a time when i would be scared to get older.. at least i didn't think it would come this fast....


i know that i've still got some time to grow up.. i mean i'm still in school so i'm really not out there in the real world yet.. but i feel like with this up coming birthday new things are going to be expected of me... i'm going to have to leave my childish ways behind me.. and really that scares the crap out of me...


i know this is sounding really stupid and childish.. but it's late and i needed a place to let me thoughts soar...


i'm sure i will have a great birthday and not much will really change... 


heres to another year.. filled with choices.. consequences.. regrets.. joys... and forgiveness... 

!!! :) !!!

April 29 2008


Okay so this 'post' wont be as long as my last one but i just wanted to stop in and talk for a minute. so here it goes...

Jesus has proven i'm weak! in more ways then one! And i think thats just what i needed. I needed to know i'm weak, i cant win this on my own, i cant fight this fight...who am i kidding, i swing but Gods doing the real fighting, He just lets me think i'm actually doing something.

I cant wait to go to church tomorrow, not only to prove that i can do this with Christ and Christ alone but i want to be face my hurts..i wanted to be faced with the person that has crused me time and time again to let him know i'm better then that. I'm hyped to stand for Christ and say "you cant run from him! You cant leave Him and make it"...You dont really know who i'm talking about ... well Carmen does, but anyway...i'm hyped to be on fire for Christ again. I know i know in my last post it was sad and stupid but today is a new day, and i like that!

Love you guys and hope your having an amaZing day!! :)

Smile For Me!

going pretty good

April 29 2008
Wow! I haven't posted anything in a long time really. I guess it doesn't really matter though because there's really not than many people on here to read. But even no one does, this is still the best way to clear my thoughts. Knowing someone will read it, makes it a little better I guess. So things have been going pretty good lately. I've noticed that I have started to really trust and confide in my best friends which has always been hard for me. Nothing extremely exciting has happened lately. Well maybe something has. It's complicated, and it's definately one thing I'd only tell my best friends to. But yeah, if this something does happen then it would be really exciting. And even though I'm stressed about scinece fair, I'm also not really that stressed. It's a very weird feeling. A feeling I've never felt.  Probably the best thing going on right now is dance. I'm really excited about recital and competition. Oh yeah! I meant to post a thought about our dance competition two weekends ago, but I just never got around to it. We got gold. But in dance that's actually the lowest thing you can get without getting anything. (It goes: gold, extreme gold, platinum, extreme platinum.) But that's still good considering our dance team is horrible. I have dance team try-outs coming up soon, and I really hope I make it. This will be the third time I make it, but I feel like I've improved a lot this year. So if you've read all this kudos to you, but if you didn't, I really don't care. (Not that you would ever read this part anyway. lol)

have you ever...

April 29 2008

i know i just wrote a blog but i have to say something else.... have you ever had a flaw or problem that you weren't aware you had or why you had it, & not sure what you are doing?.....           

     well. this is particularly relevant in my life with 2 seperate circumstances - one is a really big thing to me & most people are proud of it, but no, i am not even aware that i do it.. everyone tells me i do, & today i heard from someone i cared about & it kinda hurt but doesnt the truth do that to ya. i really dont know what i do to come off that way,

 & the second one i just figure it is me, because i'm not sure what else it could really be, i have tried to improve but nothing really works... idk.

 Its all kinda been bothering me, & i dont know what to do... Im just at a stuck point, and i went through & tried to find whats wrong, but for some reason i just don't know & ive prayed about it & went out my way to do things that might be the problem.....

 so i'm sending you guys a 911 call what should i do?

Hey Carmen!

April 29 2008
Is this the song you were talking about?

live unendlessly , or die to soon?

April 29 2008

so last night i watched tuck Everlasting, an amazing movie if i might point out...

 so it brings me to the topic

"If there's one thing I've learned about people, it's that many will do anything, anything not to die. And they'll do anything to keep from living their life. "

"Don't be afraid of death, Winnie. Be afraid of the unlived life. "

"Time is like a wheel. Turning and turning - never stopping. And the woods are the center; the hub of the wheel. It began the first week of summer, a strange and breathless time when accident, or fate, bring lives together. When people are led to do things, they've never done before."

" don't wanna die; is that wrong?"

 Given the choice to live forever or die in 50 years what would you chose? should we want to live forever, where there is no time, no reason to keep on, but there is no choice.... but to chose to die some things will never be experienced,  the amount of time might not be enough...  we fear something we don't know much about....

 i like some responses on this .... a taste of a never ending lifetime, or the fear that this breath could b your last?

tight song

April 28 2008

it makes me smile :P


Potato Batteries

April 27 2008
So for our science fair project, me and Keri are using the whole potato battery thing for our basis. The only thing is that, I can not get it to work. If anyone knows how to make one work, I'd really appreciate the help. Science fair is this Friday, and we haven't even started on our project. Well actually, I've been trying to make it work the past three days, but no luck. So yeah, right now I'll really freaking out and I don't want to fail.

for grace (yes, you.)

April 26 2008

okay i'm going to try this again...it messed up really bad last time.

(this is an awesome song..."Roots Before Branches" by Room for Two.)

I heard part of this song on a commercial so i went and looked it up.  it is AMAZING!!!  so i want to dedicated to my AMAZING best friend in the whole world, grace.  you can do it.  (yes i mean you.)


so many things you do and say
but i can't seem to find my way
but i want to know how
i know i'm meant for something else
but first i got to find myself
but i don't know how
oh why do i reach for the stars
when i dont have wings
to carry me that far

got to have roots before branches
and know who i am
before i know who i want to be
and faith to take chances
to live like i see a place in this world

for me

sometimes i don't want to feel
and forget the pain is real
put my head in a cloud
start to run but i fall
saying i can get it all
without my feet on the ground
there's always a seed before there's a rose
the more that it rains the more i will grow

got to have roots before branches
and know who i am
before i know who i want to be
and faith to take chances
to live like i see a place in this world
for me

whatever comes i know how take it
learn to be strong
i won't have to fake it
you want to stand there
when your coming through at best
there ain't nothing to beat the west
but i'll be standin'
i will be standin'

if i have roots before branches
and know who i am
before i know who i want to be
and faith to take chances
to live like i see a place in this world
for me


April 26 2008
gen i need for you desperately to call me!!!!!!  i can not figure out what the heck i am supposed to do with this gay freakin prism.  i hate this.  it is not working.  there are no pretty colors and there's not any sunlight or anything.


April 25 2008

Hey Hey Hey. Its been a while. Life has been nothing but ups and downs, and i can never see dead ahead. Times flys then slows to a crawl. I stand then i get pushed to the ground. I reach out for help and get slapped with more problems from all sides. I open my eyes in hope to see something but get blinded by the light that needs me no where.

I know i usually whine on phusebox then say how amaZing life is on MySpace, but i guess i try to be all hype and happy for most people but on here i could care less what you think of me. Seth tells me all the time to be who you are, it doesn't matter what people say. But words always hurt, no matter if they are in love or not.

Ha i'm just gona lay it out there for you and i know most of you wont even read this. No one gets on here anymore, and no cares anymore so what does it matter right.

Life...oh life in itself sucks beyond words. I know i've been through little compared to..say Tyler. He moved away from all he knew and all he wanted. But look at him now, he is a whole new person (not saying it was for the better) he likes where he is and wants to wake up in the morning, he thinks nothing he does is wrong and finds joy. I know my life is way easy and that i should suck it up and move on. But after sucking it up year after year and having to keep pushing through and helping others...really gets to you and brings you down after a while.

Like for once i found real joy again since the whole thing with Tyler. I was super happy and people could tell, my smile wasn't just a face i was wearing, i felt happy! i missed that and i was getting back into the happniess and joy and loved every minute of it. But all that came crashing down in one night, in a matter of minutes. My smile fall like a ton of breaks and i could feel the heavy sadness and hurt fall over me. I reached for help by was turned down with a smile. Why does this always seem to happen???? Why is it that everyone gets their lives right and happy while mine falls and crashes to dust that everyone seems to walk all over. And when my life is hype and happy everyone else is crashing and me being me trys to help and that just brings me crashing down with them. This sucks!!!

I guess all i can do is keep my head up, look forward, stand tall, and keep moving. I'm not gona give up after all i've been through, theres got to be more then this. Theres got to be! I'm gona fight this, i'm gona win this!


April 25 2008
It has come to my attention that a lot of people are burned by love.

All I Ever Post is Lyrics (Almost Lover)

April 24 2008


"I cannot go to the ocean, I cannot drive the streets at night, I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind"





p.s. check my new layout. it is the shiz.

Song of the Week. "I Hate Everything About You"

April 23 2008

Some what of a random video but I am a pretty big fan of 3 days grace and I really like this song...Well I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do. Three Days Grace "I Hate Everything About You"

Oh and just for the random people wondering...this is not about anyone specific.  

talk like a goofball

April 23 2008

So I got my braces off today. I hate my retainers because they make me talk like a retard. I didn't want to get my braces off either which is very untypical of most people. I'm really going to miss my braces. I guess it's not that bad. I can brush my teeth easier, but other than that I'm really upset about getting them off. I think my teeth looked better with braces because now my teeth look huge. Like buck teeth huge. I also have a missing tooth, so they had to build my pontac tooth into my upper retainer. So that means I can't take it out to eat at school or restarants. Well I guess I could, but it would look really weird with a big gap in my teeth. So yeah, hopefully I get used to my retainers. And I also get an invisible one for my top teeth in two weeks which will make things so much better.

something like that

April 23 2008

if i could give it to you i would , if i knew it wouldn't hurt you.

 but like a bee provides honey that taste like valleys of heaven, it also stings like pits of darkness , 

a taste of what i'm almost sure is hell.

 trust me when i say i know good things can cause pain, trust me when i say you'd be left standing in pouring rain.




April 23 2008

I could go back, to every laugh, but I don't wanna go there anymore...I know all the steps, up to your door, but I don't wanna go there anymore.  Talk to the wind, talk to the sky, talk to the man with the reasons why...and let me know what you find.  I'll leave my window open, cuz I'm too tired at night to call your name.  But, just know I'm right here hopin' you'll come in with the rain...:).  I could stand up, and sing you a song, but I don't wanna have to go that far.  And I, I've got you down, I know you by heart...and you don't even know where I start.  Talk to yourself, talk through the tears, talk to the man who put you here, and don't wait for the sky to clear...

(to you, my imaginary rain.)

Oh my gosh I love this song.

April 21 2008

This song is so great. I love it! The lyrics are so great.

"I'll stay with you
The walls will fall before we do
Take my hand now
We'll run forever
I can feel the storm inside you
I'll stay with you

Fooled by my own desires
I twist my fate
Just to feel you
But you, turn me toward the light
And you're one with me
Will you run with me?"



New Soul

April 19 2008

"I'm a new soul in this very strange world hoping i could learn a bit bout how to give and take. But sence i came here, felt the joy and the fear, im finding myself making every possible mistake."











Same nothings

April 19 2008
So yeah I mean I am about to go to work. I have already packed my bag of the day and I am just waiting the arriaval of my uncle tim. Aaron and Tim (Aaron's brother in law) will be riding the tractor all day seeding the feilds. I...am not sure what I will be doing but I love work so it is all good with me. So has anyone seen my new proflie pic? that day was really fun in NC. My brother and I shot the shotgun a lot...lol my shoulder was sooo sore I popped off like 20 shots by myself...uhmm well good day to you all...oh one more quick thing. Has anyone read Romeo and Juliet? great book, well I know some of you have. I think it is stupid that they killed themselves. I know it seemed right but I saw a thousand times where they could have both made it out a live. Well good day to you all.


April 18 2008

i.....am......gosh, idk what i am or anything or whatever what? As you can see, i am confused. Pretty sure i've been that way for a while, but the problem is, i have no earthy idea what im confused about. i'm not looking for love, Jesus knows i dont want it. i dont even know what that is and im not lookin to hard to find out. maybe i feel out of place because everybody but me is lookin for love. Or somethin. idk. i think mayb society has been brainwashed into thinking that you cant be happy unless you have a sigificant other, which so totally isnt true. I don't think. Ga! this blog was so totally random and pointless. Or whatever.




sickens me.

April 18 2008
I normaly won't dicuss politics with friends, for obvious reasons but I think that most of you will agree with me when I say that this world just sickens me. Gas rose today in dickson to $3.50 a gallon. I txted a friend in another state and he said it was $5 a gallon. People seem to make such a big deal out of the most stupid things. Has anyone heard about the silly people wanting to make it to where Santa Claus cannot say "ho ho ho"? Or what about the "christians" who harrass our military men and women? What about the people who burn the American flag, that are American citizens. You sicken me.  One of my friends said "if you are going to burn our flag, feel free to wrap yourself in it first" or "if you don't fully stand behind our troops feel free to stand in fromnt of them" Now I am fine with people saying whatever they want but they should have respect. I plan on joining the military and if it calls for it I will die willingly for you to say something stupid about our country. Now the people who are against the war, fine, but God please respect them. If it were legal I would go and fight now to assit setting up a government like ours were someone like you can call our military "gay lovers" and "baby killers." Don't get me wrong I am 100% for free speech. I am 100% for our Bill of Rights and Constitution. But you all disgust me, I once heard of a time where people loved our military, where they baked cookies for the widow not cursed at her. Well I will continue to plan to fight for our country. I will hope that if called to I can die for it too.

Song of the Week. "Bubbly"

April 18 2008
So yeah i know this song is girly...sorry. I have to admit I kinda like it though. Not too bad of lyrics and it makes me feel...ok this is going to be weird for a lot of us...it makes me feel jolly and glad. Ok weird moment is over...sorry. Ok well please enjoy in a non-girly way Colbie Caillat's "Bubbly"


April 17 2008


 I just don’t feel I am your special anymore,

 I couldn’t be important as before.

 from this love forsaken thought,can you relieve me?

No more immaturity,

this is just the way I am feel about myself to you,

 I don’t like to share it,

because you make me seem stupid to reveal my emotions as I do.

 from this discomfort,Will you relieve me?

See, I still know the facts and the feeling is not where I’m at,

& I know all so more than that.

You care and I do have that belief.

  I just don’t feel it, &                                                 

I don’t feel I can have that relief.

 please relieve me!

Welcome the dog, fight the wolf.

April 17 2008

You annoy me with your childish ways.

It is time to put those behind you.
What do you fear? 

You kill me with your cries of infamy,

and that you cry for help.

You call for my aid, 

then you repremand me for trying.

You annoy me with your childish ways.

Can you not just be honest with everyone?

Can you not just be straight up in life?

Can you not just not worry?

Why do you fight off the dog but you welcome the wolf?

You annoy me with your childish ways.  

Health Day

April 16 2008

So today I took a day off because I got spacers and I couldn't sneeze without cringing in pain. It was quite amazing though because I appreciated not getting homework.


I realized today that everything isn't smooth about love. It's a road filled with curve balls.(Yes, I just trainwrecked two metaphors) And another thing:


"One of those two people will stand up for that relationship every time if it's right." -Dr. Cox

I will not accept your odds...or your evens

April 16 2008
Don't you dare tell me the odds.
I know they are against me.
I know I am not expected to make it out.
But my rifle is already locked,
There is a bullet in the chamber,
and everyone of my side arms has the hammer pulled back.

How true is that lie?
Everyone knows that I am not that prepared.
Don't let them acknowldge it though.
When they believe it, then it becomes true.

I have trained all of my life.
I have been in conflicts just like this.
I have "killed" before,
Pain is no stranger.

How true is that lie?
Everyone knows that I have never fought like this
Don't let them acknowldge it though
When they believe it, the it becomes true.

I am ready to go now.
This is where I thought I found it.
This is where I thought you were.
I was wrong.

How true is that lie?
Everyone knows that the odds are agains us.
I won't let myself admit it though.
When I believe it, then it becomes true.


April 15 2008

If their is "always someone better for you than the person you have"......


then how do you find the one?




what say you?

April 15 2008

So I heard this today...tell me what you think.

"I don't like anyone...there are just certain people I hate less than others." 

Some sprite & toast!

April 15 2008

so here lately i had been praying for some motivation.

  well,yesterday afternoon I had thrown up & mom said i was not going to practice, and i had aready called amy & austin & told them i would not be coming because I was sick, ... so i was laying in bed when i tought to myself " you have to go"... so i decided i was better, i got up told mom that i had a miracle recovery, and i know she didnt believe that, but she let me go. 7 minutes later i was out the door & on my way.

 i threw up twice at restoration but to be honest i wouldnt have that any other way than to be at practice. during the run through of the line up i thought about how Courtney went through a 45 minute presentation so sick, she did it anyways though, and how austin had the flu at practice but how he did what he had to do.... & i kept saying  to me Suck it up. 

    i made it through the line up, and i almost made it through practice! & I can be motivated ... :)

btw, if anybody gets sick because of me I am So sorry.... i really am. i love you guys. :)(:

Ocean Wide

April 14 2008

okay i dont know how many of you have heard this song

but it is quite possibly the best song i have heard in a very long time.  i mean sure im not in love at the moment but this song makes me feel great

What's wrong with me?

April 14 2008

The past few days I've noticed that I keep zoning out. When I come out of it, I have no clue to what's going on. And a lot of times, I hear people talking, but I don't really comprehend what they are saying. I'm just kind of looking around and nodding politely. Tonight at dance it was really bad though. Even though I've been working on the same dance for almost a year, I kept blanking out and couldn't remember what came next. I didn't really feel dizzy. Just like I didn't know what was going on. Ms. Katie (my dance teacher) kept looking at me weird and told me to sit down if I felt bad. At one time she was talking to me, but I really didn't understand what she was saying. Then Sydnee said my name and Ms. Katie started laughing I guess because I didn't respond. So I started dancing, but I just couldn't remember ANYTHING. Ms. Katie made me sit down for the rest of the class. I know this probably isn't a good thing, but I hope it's not serious. I was hoping maybe one of you guys would a clue to what's wrong with me. I really hope I don't do this this Saturday because I have a dance competition, and I don't want to look retarted. My mom wants to take me to the doctor, but I don't like bloods are needs. Actually I'm absolutely terrefied of them. So yeah...I'm a little freaked.

near to you...but do i really want that?

April 14 2008

so  this song totally describes the way i feel right now...i think.  some of it does anyway.  here are the lyrics, along with side thoughts.

"He and I...it's something beautiful...but so dysfunctional, it couldn't last...I loved him so, but I let him go..." (did i though???  i don't think.) "...cuz i knew he'd never love me back.  Such pain as this shouldn't have to be experienced..." (too bad it is.) "...I'm still reeling from the loss, still a little bit delirious...Near to you, I am healing but it's taking so long.  Cuz though he's gone, and you are wonderful, it's hard to move on..." (tell me about it.  amen.) "...Yet, I'm better near to you..." (i'm not so sure.) "With you and I, it's something different...and I'm enjoying it cautiously.  I'm battle scarred..." (YES i am.  this sucks.) "...but I am working oh-so-hard to get back to who I used to be.  He's disappearing, fading suddenly..." (that's really suckish.) "...I'm so close to being yours..." (even though i wish i was his...) "...won't you stay with me...please...I only know that I am better where you are...I only know that I am better where you are...I only know that I belong where you are..." (but i want him to be there all the time..forever.  and this stinks.  i belong where he is...and i'm better there.  but i can't move.  i'm stuck in this spot, no matter how badly i want to get out of it.  when i'm with you and he's not there, it's no problem.  then i see him, and my knees go weak.  my heart beats fast...my mind starts racing with thoughts of how he and i could have been and should be.  but i can't move...help.)


April 11 2008
I got my  permittttt.. lol yeah im soo glad.. my picture is badd.. im going back to get it redone...


April 11 2008
so i just realized i was going the totally wrong direction.  i hurt someone (possibly) for someone else.  i messed everything up for nothing.  i got nothing out of this chaos.  if he would only realize the same thing...maybe we could...idk.


April 11 2008
If you are going to wade through crap put on your high waters.

Song of the Week. "How to be Dead"

April 10 2008

Great song by Snow Patrol. Listen to the lyrics, it is about a couple argueing. I really really love this song.

It seems I've stepped over lines
"You've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride"

So please enjoy "How to be Dead" by Snow Patrol. 

Leona Lewis.. Keep Bleedin

April 10 2008

I don't care what they say..

I'm in Love with you

They try and pull me away

but the don't know the truth,

my hearts crippled by the vain

that I keep on closin

You cut me open and I...

Keep Bleedin, Keep Bleedin,

In Love. 

only the truth

April 10 2008
Jacob's towel is on the right.

Good old cough syurp

April 09 2008

So last night as I laid awake half thought provoking from the amazing drug I took form my cough that induces sleep I began to think...

This is so much further past mental.

So far away from emotional.

Won't let people think it is spiritual.

And even though it is so far past physical

it is all about one touch.

one embrace. That is all I really need.

If you wanna help that is.

To those of you who don't.


Before Carmen beats me to it.......

April 08 2008

"Feathers are like dreams, if you have enough you can fly."

               -Some random dude in my history class who prolly copied it from somebody else.





hoo hawaiian

April 08 2008

ho ho braddah how da keiki stay be

i taut to maself da odda day

ho i like add one taut tomorrow

so here i stay put one up

i been good yo

livin da hawaiian life 

skoos fo scrubs i no like fail brah so i like

study hard try get gud grades  brah da teachas no like

give me good grades though

i like you pray fo me in dat area chee hee


shoots den brah i like go sleep now

Huff, puff, and blow the world down

April 07 2008

Yo! Isn't life a big puddle of joy and rainbows? ya, you know it...........whatever. I'm feelin' same as usual. Kinda not feelin, kinda pumped, kinda not so pumped. Really 'whatever'. That is exactly how i'm feelin. Well, actually, kinda not cause i was really hype & happy today for unsaid reasons. Yay! I live bein happy for my friends. I would prolly love bein happy for me to.........sigh. Lol, i'm such a drama queen. Speakin of drama, i'm goin 2 see the Wiz O' Oz at the death school on thursday. I'm purty pumpted (yes, that totally is a word.)


I need a new name. I've been "I am Switzerland" forever!! Plz reply with ideas.



Ode to Hell.

April 07 2008

Must you have my whole mind?

Is part of it not enough for you?

Must you have my dreams? 

I have no control of that which is gone to you.

Must you fight for every inch that is still me?

When will you decide it is enough?

When I become weak from fighting?

When I cry out in anger from defeat?

When I curse your name and stomp the ground?

When those unfamialr liquids pour from my eyes?


You must have them all at the same time.

I am no longer as weak, my king has fed me.

I am no longer angry from my lose for I have gained ground.

I will not curse you, but swear I will, for I swear you will not have my whole self.

Those liquids, those tears. Not so unfamiliar.

They visit me frequently as if a good friend.

And now welcomed. 

Now from you oh hell. 

I will take my mind back.

You will not control my conciousness.

Now from you oh hell.

I will have back my dreams.

You will not have me in fear of closing my eyes.

Now to you oh hell.

Enjoy defeat, as I learned to do so many times.  

tired of this same yesterday

April 06 2008

I dont want to go to sleep & dream the same dreams that i

    could never have when im awake, I dont want to wake up to

 Just another day , another week!

I'm tired of the same things, the very plains.

 i just want something different,

i just want what i cant have.....

nothing needs to be the same....

 I just want to live a totally new day,

 not wake up in the same yesterday!


April 06 2008

Subject of many a conversation. Philosophers have attempted to wrap their minds around it for centuries. True love is the Creator. So how do we comprehend it? Predict it? Control our own?


WE Can't


New lesson for me. I don't work love, It works me. The Creator works me. I look for love and find human flaws when all the while a true lover waits for me in heaven and in my heart.


I find it quite interesting that I can't find it when its in my heart...

Peter Pan was wrong

April 06 2008
Growing up isn't such a bad thing.


April 05 2008

Hey, well life changed today. It changes every day but i didn't see this coming AT ALL. Its funny how when you get happy and find a place you are smiling with 100% joy, something goes wrong and you cry 100% sadness. I guess i'm not truly laughing about it now but i know i will soon. Tomorrow is gona be really hard for me, i'm gona have to start faking again. I've faked for so long, i got to a place were i didn't have to fake it anymore..and now i have to go back to my old ways.

(sigh) life goes on. I have to suck it up and move on. There is no time to vent,cry,fight,yell, or scream. I have to move on and get my life back. Its in the hands of all my friends,guys,working,horses..i need my life back!!!! 


April 05 2008
he tells me he would never hurt me..and i don't know what to think.  he tells me i'm his inspiration, and i still don't know what to think.  he tells me that no matter what happens, he won't change his feelings, and you guessed it, i don't know what to think.  i have no clue.

hey hey hey

April 03 2008


hows it going? i never get on here anymore. Well i'm going through my ups and downs, its been really good lately actually. I'm trying to stay strong for a few people i really care about but its freakishly hard for me with one of them. Ha its like watching a sad lovestroy. No lie you could trun my life into a sad lovestroy. Its kinda funny. BUT at the moment i'm SO SO SO SO happy with where i am, i have some friends, someone that makes me smile, i'm getting closer to Christ, and laughing! so its good AT THE MOMENT. Well whats new with you guys?

Song of the Week. "Bohemian Rhapsody"

April 03 2008
Hey you guys this is kinda  a crazy song but it is one of the coolest ones ever! I know like all the lyrics and me and some of my friends from football sing it on the way home from a win lol. So much fun. If you went to Hawaii with the mime team then you might remember Tyler and I singing it on the way there lol good times man I miss it. Ok well please enjoy Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"


April 03 2008

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly…who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never known neither victory nor defeat."

Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919)


 My drill instructor in Basic Training quoted this to my platoon before he gave us the worst smoking we'd ever had.

i know its twice in one day

April 02 2008

      alright, im sorry its twice in one day... i have a VERYYYYYY bad suspicion(sp) about someone i really care about, and i dont want her to get hurt, but if i am right and i believe i am, then she s way in too deep for me to do anything but tell her parents on her, and then she will hate me, and i want her to trust me...... should i mind my own business , or should i follow her and find out if im right, which im pretty sure i am...

 what should i do?

starburst & whatnot

April 02 2008

So right now

 I am pretty content, I’m pretty happy I can say I’m his again, but so many things seems to be bothering me right now! I don’t feel very, for lack of  better words….

“passionate about something I’m don’t feel reassured about.”

  Something that’s bugging me at school is my sister’s best friend was being talked about yesterday, and I defended her, and I did agree with a lot of what they said, but it wasn’t their place to say it, because they do the same things and because that I stood up to them, I damaged a friendship between me & a good friend. & it hurt me but I think I did the right thing. I think.

    On the upside,  my starburst collection is pretty awesome, I found a PURPLE wrapper, I was so excited, and there was 4 or 5 guys in my class bought a pack of starburst for me, and I couldn’t help but get excited about that… ;)

 so yea, that’s what’s up with me!!

I recomened

April 02 2008


by ellen Hopkins

read the book over 500 pages in one day,

you won't want to put the book down,

it'a frigg'n amazing man.


Unfamilar familarity

April 01 2008
(not a word but sound it as if it were)

I haven't touched it in quite a while but I know excatly how to use it. I haven't felt the rush in the longest time but when I picked it up there it was.

Slow is Smothe 

Smothe is Fast.

The only thing that is allowed to go through your mind. Other than the prayer to god that you get it right. 

Not moving until you see the white in their eyes.

Guiding your finger slowly into position making sure not to be noticed.

Picking it up and praying to god for acruacy and speed.

Then Paintball...lol I love paintball and man sunday was the first time I have palyed in a while. lol. kinda gay blog but I miss it.  

Revelation, Revolution

March 31 2008

Ok, so............where to begin? I havent been on here in, what, a month and a half? More? NEway, so i was reading my 49 friends blogs when i noticed something. About the first 20 of them were so super depressing that i just wanted to cry. Why is every body (including myself) so dang bumed all the time? We are YOUNG! No one can tell us we're wrong! People need to realize that while they sit aroung depressed, the world spins. We waste good breath complaning about how we wish it could be and we totaly miss the beauty of how God made it. For example, (and alot of people will prolly hate me for saying this) unless you are a super genius or a mature adult with a spouse/fiance, then i'm willing to bet you don't know what love is. I know it's totaly not my place to criticize anyone, and that's not what im tryin to do at all, but that "love of your life" is probably just gonna be "love of a few months" unless it's God's will. But you dont know if it is or not, so you should be prepared (as in, don't fall into a spiraling depression if your high school sweetheart breaks up with you).


I'm  not tryin to boss anybody or hate or anything, so if you totaly appose what im tryin to say plez don't hate me. I'm just tryin to adress the total lack of joy in the majority of people in the world (or high school comunity).







p.s. I was gonna try to be more phusebox-active and post more often, but my "I'M BACK!!" blog really didn't turn out as planed, so we'll see what happens.........O_0*


March 31 2008

WOW!!!!!  so i've been in an AWESOME mood lately all because i have chosen to be.  (hey ya'll should go listen to the song "You Make My Dreams Come True" by hall and oates!)

anyway even though some of the stuff i have discovered really sucks, i am looking forward when it's not like that anymore.  I'm waiting until october...to see if this person can change their 'habits'...;).  and i can not wait until then.  excited am i.  lol  so how has your life been lately??  i really honestly care and i want to know. so tell me.  i'm totally clueless

Smoke and Mirriors

March 31 2008
It is incredible how strong one can pretend to be.

New In The Life Of KIRSTEN

March 31 2008
Lets see here well my cuz Jennifer had a New Baby Gurl last Monday.Her name is Lilly and she has a little 4 year old brother named Tyler and there just so cute as cute can be.We had a big Family get together on Saturday in the Afternoon which was pretty fun.Than Saturday night I went clubbing with my Best Friend Stacie and my boyfriend Rob and WOW!! I had a blast the best time ever.Also me and my boyfriend Rob might be flying away on vacation to Tampa,Florida for a week or two this summer and I so cant wait.

Wolves In Sheep's Clothing

March 29 2008
Wolves In Sheep's Clothing
by James Robison 

Wolves In Sheeps Clothing

Ministers of anger, pride, greed and dissention are not ministers of God.

The secular press is discussing the "proper" role of ministers and what constitutes Christian leadership. It's a bit like the Muslim network Al Jazeera discussing the proper role of Israel in the Middle East, but it raises an important issue for those who seek to follow Jesus Christ.

As a Christian minister, I rely on the Bible to provide my guidelines for evaluating issues and leaders, including ministers. The passage that warns, "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves" goes on to tell me "by their fruit you will recognize them."

While it is not appropriate to pass judgment on others, the Bible does tell us to discern the spirits in order to recognize the misguided, unbiblical and occasional outright frauds. This is done by comparing their words and actions with the Word of God and by observing the fruit of their lives.

The extreme examples of cult leaders, like David Koresh and Jim Jones, are easy to discern. The pain, immorality and death they leave in their wakes serve as a clear signal that these men are not of God. Quite the opposite; they follow the example of the enemy of God, who comes to kill, steal and destroy.

More subtle false prophets can be more difficult to identify, but that does not mean that we should follow them with foolish blindness. Adrian Rogers, the late Baptist pastor, was fond of saying that his job was to "comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." It was his way of saying that while a good pastor consoled those facing difficult circumstances, he also prodded people who had become stagnant in their spiritual journey. Sometimes, this can seem harsh.

Last year, I published a message called We Have A Choice: Humility or Humiliation. It warns of the serious consequences of our nation's sins while pointing out the path to security, peace and prosperity. Granted, it identifies many unprincipled choices people in our country often make, but it in no way condemns people or America as a whole. The purpose is to promote truth in order to lift people up, not tear anyone down. It is a call to prayer and a reminder of the mercy God so freely offers.

Likewise, my new book The Soul of a Nation delves into the social issues that divide many Americans. I stake out my positions, based on Biblical truth, and never flinch from these unshakeable principles. But never do I curse any group of people. Instead, I point the way to redemption and restoration available to everyone. While pointing out sin, we offer hope and forgiveness to the sinner. I believe that this is the role of a true Christian minister. Never should we condemn or make foolish, blanket accusations against nations or races.

As ministers of Biblical truth, we must not dodge important issues, spiritual or social, while at the same time conveying the message of hope, unity and salvation for all who will receive God's truth. An ideology that excludes any people from the hope of the gospel comes from a false prophet. There is no discrimination between male or female, Jew or gentile, black or white in Jesus Christ. There is no exclusionary gospel. That means that there is no men's theology or women's theology; no black theology or white theology. The truth of God is there for everyone regardless of race, gender, ethnicity or any other division of man. At the same time, no person should be accused of racism or sexism simply for challenging a person's belief system or position.

Beware of those who come in the name of Jesus Christ but do not speak according to His words and example. Their message does not edify and elevate the soul. Their "fruit" often consists of arrogance, selfishness, anger, dissension, hatred and bitterness. Such a phenomenon is not new. The apostle Paul warned against the foolishness of those who "happily put up with whatever anyone tells you, even if they preach a different Jesus than the one we preach, or a different kind of Spirit than the one you received, or a different kind of gospel than the one you believed."

Sadly, there is much foolishness pushed upon people in the name of Jesus or under the guise of Christianity. But it is a dangerous religious practice that perverts the Gospel. Do not be duped by these men or women. Discern the spirits and judge the fruit of their words and actions. Some ways lead to dissension, division and even death, but the spirit of God leads to life and harmony.

And one more thing...God bless America!

If you want to read my convictions and concerns related to the issues our nation faces, order my newly released book The Soul of a Nation, published by Thomas Nelson.

Author: James Robison


March 28 2008

       i will not heal 

by the power of tylenol,

 not by any remedy of a book,

 not with philosophy,

or by the chances i took.

              i will never forget,

but excuse me im trying not to remember.

i will not let myself cry in simple fear of not being able to stop,

i refuse to say what i really just want because once i say it ,

 its no longer just in my thoughts.

  you're still in my heart, dont worry love, i want you to be mine, but i wont take your hand til im for sure its the best thing, just wait on me. ..

im going through this,too. the pain & the hurting. the fight to stay asleep, the day is a blur, my life's just not the same. one way or the other i will make sure you make it through.



I have to admit he was pretty smart...

March 28 2008
Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true.-Buddha.


March 27 2008

When time slips through my fingers so I never get it back,

When all the moments I cherish seem to fall right through the cracks,

When everything around me seems like a clouded blur,

I know you’ll always be there, but then there’s always her.

When my heart begins to pound, and it tells me you are here,

When my fingers start to shake, and I only want you near,

When my heart is in my throat, and I don’t know what to say,

That’s the way you make me feel; I feel it every day.

When you look my way and smile that wonderful smile I love,

When I think to myself, “Surely, he’s sent from God above!”

When no one seems to matter, and you’re the only one I see,

That’s the way I truly wish you felt about me.

When I know it will never happen, my dreams just can’t be real,

When I think that no one will ever understand the way I feel,

When everything around me seems like a clouded blur,

I know you’ll always be there…but then, there’s always her.

Song of the Week. "Coffee Shop"

March 27 2008
Hey you guys, I was riding in the car last night around 8 and the sun had just gone down when this song came one. I thought it was so awesome because you could tell which way was east and west (if you are like me and couldn't do that already.) Part of the sky was this awesome blue and the other was almost darker than navy blue. I think this song came on at the most perfect time becuase I was going into this mellow mood and then Landon Pigg threw me into it. Well I hope you all enjoy "Coffee Shop" by Landon Pigg just as much as I did.

ready or not

March 26 2008

The sun is gonna shine whether you want it to or not!

its gonna rain whether you stay inside or not!

 people will die, even if you didnt expect it.

 Tears will sometimes fall, and you cant hold them back, friendships will end & theres nothing you can do!

ready or not some things will come and theres not much you can do...

 so be prepared in & out of season!

p.s if this is Austin I still love you!

I'll give you one hand shake.

March 26 2008

When meeting someone all it really takes for me to decide if I like someone is one hand shake. Maybe not the best...maybe judginga book by its cover but that is just kinda what I do. I mean that is just my first impression. Ok so...

    1. I look to see if they look me in the eye. If so that means they have given repect which means they actually care.

    2. I feel their hand. Rough hands mean they work and aren't afraid to get their hands dirty.  Which means they are worth something.

    3. I look to see how they hold them selves. If they have good posture of not. Which means that they do or do not care about things. Or their mood.

    4. I look at the expression on their face. This shows their normal out look. If they are a jerk or or if they are just laid back. 

    5. Then I see how strong their hand shake is. If it is firm then they are confident. If loose then they are scared or held back.


So those are 5 steps to becoming more like me...lol...or just being a jerk who looks at first apperances.  

fun not

March 26 2008

guilty: you do
innocent: you don't

Singing in the shower?: Guilty

Left the stove on?: Guilty

Ate Stale food?: Guilty

Spit in someone's Drink?: Innocent (that would be rather nasty)

Stole Something from a friend?: Not so much stoll but i'll take a T-Shirt and forget i have it :P

Played with Barbies?: Innocent

Kissed your posters of your favorite stars?: Innocent

Listened to stupid music and said you like it?: Guilty

Made someone cry?: Guilty

Opened your Christmas presents early? Innocent

Found money, and didn't turn it in?: Guilty

Gave money to a homeless person?: Innocent..i never have money to give.

Thought "Star Wars" was cool?: Guilty..haha

Had a super-hero costume?: Ha Ha Guilty! Ha Ha

Lied to protect a friend?: Guilty, i'm not happy i did but i have in the past

Broken a bone?: innocent, Pooch E. A and i were talking about that the other day :P

Seen "The Goonies" more than 10 times?: Innocent..i have no idea what "The Goonies" is...

Played a Computer game for more than 5 hours?: innocent

Dyed your hair a color from the rainbow?:innocent but that would be fun :P

Hugged your mom in the past 24 hours?: Innocent

...Have you Ever...

Ran through the sprinklers?: Guilty! its oh so much fun

Ran through the sprinklers naked?: not that fun! lol innocent

Went outside naked?: who would do that?  innocent

Flashed somebody?: innocent but i have been flashed

Mooned somebody?: innocent yet again i have been mooned

Been on stage?: Guilty

been on stage naked or close to it?: ha who makes up these questions??


Been in a parade?: Guilty

Been in a school play?: Innocent

Drank beer?: Innocent

Went to work/school with a hangover?: oh you know me partying it up :P


Gotten detention?: innocent ha i'm homeschooled:P

Gotten expelled?: innocent again i say i'm homeschooed

Been on a plane?: Innocent

Been on a cruise?: Innocent, i'm so hot on big bodies of water

Traveled out of the country?: Innocent

Liked somebody you could never have?: Guilty :(

Liked a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend?: Innocent

Cheated on a test?: Innocent

Broken into a house?: Innocent

Stolen from your own family?: innocent

Flipped somebody off?: not to their face persay but yeah i'm Guilty

Ate spoiled food by accident?: Innocent

Ate spoiled food on purpose?: Innocent

Ate food you dropped on the floor?: :P Guilty

Laughed at a funeral?: when they said something funny.  Guilty

Watched somebody's death?: i guess you could say i did with both my grandparents slowly dieing infront of me so i suppose i'm Guilty

Killed somebody?: Innocent


Gotten a tattoo?: So far Innocent.

Gotten piercings?: Innocent.

Fired a gun?: Guilty


Gotten into a fist fight?: ..so far..lol innocent.

Gotten into a shouting match?: :P Guilty

Swallowed sea/pool water?: nasty but Guilty

i didn't mean to!!!

Swallowed sea/pool water on purpose?:Innocent

Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose?: Guilty

Laughed so hard it hurt?: Guilty

Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: innocent

Seen a live birth?: Innocent

Delivered a baby/animal?: INNOCENT

Had an imaginary friend?: Guilty :P

Fell down a whole flight of stairs?: Innocent

Tripped on stairs?: Guilty

Tripped on your own feet?: Guilty ;)

Cried yourself to sleep?: Guilty

Cried in public?: Guilty

Thrown up in public?: innocent

Lied to your parents?: Guilty

Skipped school?: innocent

Hit an animal with your vehicle?: i've been in a car when it happened but it wasn't my vehicle. innocent/Guilty

cheated on someone?:Innocent


Been cheated on: not sure...


Been one who helped another cheat?: innocent

Cried so hard you threw up?: innocent

Given a wet willy to someone?: Innocent

Gotten a wet willy?: Nasty but Guilty


March 24 2008

I am getting married in 47 days, which still feel likes a lifetime away... althought at one point it was over 365 days away.....





March 24 2008
Saturdays have never been the same
And I still can’t believe you’re gone
So many things I wish that I could say
I guess the hardest part of moving on
Are these memories that have overtaken me
Once again I’m right here on my knees

I’m barely hanging on
With all these empty feelings
I’m hurting in so many ways
And though I can’t begin to understand the reason
I still believe that you’re GOD

Saturdays have never been the same
That moment keeps repeating in my mind
The ringing phone
A call that changed my world
An emptiness that words cannot define
All these memories have overtaken me
So once again I fall upon my knees


And as you cried I cried with you
I’ll never leave
I’ll carry you through
Can’t you see that I was always there?
These ashes of pain will fade

Chorus x2


March 24 2008

guilty: you do
innocent: you don't

Singing in the shower?: guilty def.

Left the stove on?: idk

Ate Stale food?: guilty.

Spit in someone's Drink?: innocent that's nasty

Stole Something from a friend?: innocent

Played with Barbies?: innocent

Kissed your posters of your favorite stars?: lol guilty

Listened to stupid music and said you like it?: guilty.

Made someone cry?: guilty

Opened your Christmas presents early? never! innocent!

Found money, and didn't turn it in?: guilty.

Gave money to a homeless person?: innocent.  eww.

Thought "Star Wars" was cool?: lol guilty  i'm a nerd

Had a super-hero costume?: inNOcent

Lied to protect a friend?: idk

Broken a bone?: innocent!

Seen "The Goonies" more than 10 times?: GUILTY

Played a Computer game for more than 5 hours?: innocent

Dyed your hair a color from the rainbow?:innocent

Hugged your mom in the past 24 hours?: idk

...Have you Ever...

Ran through the sprinklers?: who hasn't??  guilty

Ran through the sprinklers naked?: jeez louise no innocent

Went outside naked?: who would do that?  innocent

Flashed somebody?: innocent

Mooned somebody?: innocent

Been on stage?: duh guilty

been on stage naked or close to it?: eww innocent

Been in a parade?: Guilty

Been in a school play?: guilty

Drank beer?: inNOcent

Went to work/school with a hangover?: um well if i was innocent to the previous question, what do you think the answer to this one will be??  huh? 

Gotten detention?: innocent

Gotten expelled?: innocent

Been on a plane?: GuIlTy.

Been on a cruise?: inNOcent.  i would never get on a boat intentionally.

Traveled out of the country?: guilty

Liked somebody you could never have?: whoo don't get me started. guilty by far.

Liked a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend?: lol if you could call them a friend guilty

Cheated on a test?: ......guilty.

Broken into a house?: um no thanks i'm not a criminal.  innocent.

Stolen from your own family?: omg no innocent

Flipped somebody off?: not to their face...:(  guilty...sad..

Ate spoiled food by accident?: gUiLtY

Ate spoiled food on purpose?: eww who would do that?  innocent

Ate food you dropped on the floor?: haha gross.  innocent

Laughed at a funeral?: well when they said something funny.  guilty

Watched somebody's death?: oh my gosh innocent

Killed somebody?: no innocent 


Gotten a tattoo?: innocent.  ouch.

Gotten piercings?: guilty.

Fired a gun?: Guilty


Gotten into a fist fight?: innocent.

Gotten into a shouting match?: guilty!!!.

Swallowed sea/pool water?: eww guilty

Swallowed sea/pool water on purpose?:WHO WOULD DO THAT???  innocent.  duh.

Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose?: YAY GUILTY

Laughed so hard it hurt?: guilty by far

Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: lol innocent

Seen a live birth?: no i prefer not to either.  nasty.  innocent

Delivered a baby/animal?: INNOCENT

Had an imaginary friend?: idk

Fell down a whole flight of stairs?: lol duh do you know who you are asking?  guilty

Tripped on stairs?: haha yes guilty

Tripped on your own feet?: duh guilty.

Cried yourself to sleep?: guilty.  sad.

Cried in public?: guilty

Thrown up in public?: innocent

Lied to your parents?: guilty

Skipped school?: innocent

Hit an animal with your vehicle?: i don't have a vehicle.  innocent.

cheated on someone?:no innocent

Been cheated on: innocent


Been one who helped another cheat?: innocent

Cried so hard you threw up?: innocent

Given a wet willy to someone?: haha guilty

Gotten a wet willy?: lol yeah guilty

Song of the Week. "All These Things I Hate"

March 22 2008
Well I know I am a little late. Pretty good song by a great group called Bullet for My Valentine. Think about some of the things that you just really can't stand....I bet it is because of yourself. Well at least mine were. "All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me)" by Bullet For My Valentine. enjoy

my poem

March 22 2008

twinkle toes, cheerios, pickles in a jar

laugh and sing, back handspring, be a shining star

those cute boys, make some noise, dance with all your might

brand new tan, hold my hand, please be mine tonight!

I don't really have much to say?

March 22 2008




March 21 2008

hey sup everyone. 

Life has been going pretty good lately.  I'm actually not stressing about stuff.  School is out and im going to the beach like everyday, my life is peaceful.  It seems like its been so long since i have felt this way... probably since Tennessee but still yet it is great.  Well i guess I will talk to you people later.... it seems like its been a long time since anyone has posted anything, its getting kinda boring here. 



March 20 2008
so....if you could have anything i mean ANYTHING..... what would it be? i know this question gets asked a lot but just really curious...


March 19 2008


 Last night...

no hold on it was 4:48 this morning...

 i woke up,just kinda laid there thinking, finally i'm falling back to sleep, when it seems a slow motion lightning comes through the room,in total silence.... im thinking "somethings about to happen."

     this thunder comes the whole house seems to tilt then shake , my head moved off my pillow & hit the wall, i dont have a knot or anything,though it didnt help my headache!!

    Glass shattered... i was wondering if Court was up, so i lay there when i hear her, she said "oh! wow..." we got up, turned on the light to see what shattered didnt see anything, then we ran dowstairs to see if anyone else heard it, and we stayed down there for 30 minutes, It turns out the Glass that shattered was a trophy that fell, and broke on of courts glass containers..... th whole thing was pretty scary.

I was just wondering if anyone else experienced that.....


March 18 2008
She can't see the way your eyes
Light up when you smile
She'll never notice how you stop and stare
Whenever she walks by
And you can't see me wantin' you the way you want her
But you are everything to me

And I just wanna show you
She don't even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible

There's a fire inside of you
That can't help but shine through
She's never gonna see the light
No matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we could be

And I just wanna show you
She don't even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible

Like shadows in a faded light
Oh we're invisible
I just wanna look in your eyes
And make you realize

I just wanna show you
She don't even know you
Baby let me love you let me want you
You just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable
Instead of just invisible

She can't see the way your eyes
Light up when you smile...

You're the only one.

March 17 2008

You are the one who makes me want to fight

but you are the one who holds my hand before I pick up my rifle.

You are the one who makes me feel alive

but you are the one who absolutly kills me.

You are the one who makes me want to change

but you make me want to be the exact same person.

You are the one that makes me hate the world

but you are the one who shows me the beauty.  

End of phusebox

March 17 2008
I will no longer be posting on phusebox... If anyone is interested in keeping up with my blog email me and I will give you the address to my website...

not sure what to think.

March 17 2008
have you ever had that feeling of knowing that something was going to turn out a certain way, and then when it did, you were both upset and surprised?  like even though you knew that's how it would be and you tried to prepare yourself for it, it still shocked you almost?  yeah...well...it sucks.  it sucks bigtime.  i don't really know how to describe the way i feel right now.  i don't know how to react yet...i don't know what to do.

thats fine.

March 17 2008

so Concert was not bad at all, I got a terrible headache!, & i ve still had it on & off so far today, but i ll be alright!, its not that bad any more. thanks you guys for caring.

 well. ill b around, just kinda staying laid back til practice tonight, 

got the ipod on,  a Bible verse in my pocket, a butterfly tattoo on my right shoulder, &crazy memories going through my head & i believe thats enough to make me on the high!



March 16 2008

today marks Paiges one year since she left us.. i love her sooo much and miss her..


      R.I.P PAIGE


     I LOVE YOU!




March 16 2008

so for this quiz thing, you use the first letter of your first name and all of your answers have to start with that.  they have to be real things!!! lol



4 LETTER WORD: crap     
VEHICLE: coupe de ville

TV SHOW:  CSI miami/new york/los angeles/etc.  

CITY: Cheshire, England  

OCCUPATION: cosmotologist       
FOOD:  creme brulee

New Blog

March 16 2008


March 15 2008

okay so i'm always telling you what makes ME smile..but now its YOUR turn!!! So my question today is..WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?*If you take the time to read this..PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE answer it!!! Thank you*


March 14 2008

( this blog's theme was inspired by Austin & his war obsession,

it also expresses my outlook on a certain topic & my opinion if not more than that to others)


  This is the ultimate Victory, if it is battled & fought just right. That victory brings us soul alliances til our death, if not longer.

  But victory is tricky. for just one side overpowering the other is just as glorious, at for awhile that is until th captives break off their chains, and rise from their oppression against their own captivity. But meanwhile, Victory earns whatever it so desires with scarce if at all any amount of payment in returns!

   The Battle lines are drawn by agreement in terms. The object is to steal the enemies resources: their weapons, alimony, and their plans. to which they are force to surrender.

( now allow me to explain. this is a battle between 2 selves, and not everyone will fight. but many fight it more than once. you'll understand soon enough.The weapons is the heart, the alimony is the soul, and plans is the mind) when you accomdate one of thse you have indeed won your first battle, but when you have them all. you have won & victory is yours. by that you have their profits, and have yourself slaves to you!

 This battle i face my goal is soul alliances!I do not want slavery, i would only feel sorry for my slaves, and try to free them! but nor do i want to be a slave.

 so far i have snuck in your camp, and stole your weapons, not all of them im sure, but enough to make you weaker than you have ever been. But you have stolen from me also. You have stolen a great deal of my weapons, my alimony,you've even stole my army though i still have most of my  plans. but what good is a general without an army.

 " you have Stolen my heart & soul and i am no longer complete with out you.but then i still have my mind!"

[ In the End because my country is ignorant; My men hav fed their whole liveson intolerance, and my woman have nursed thir babies on equality. Justice WILL be served. ad whn they shake off their iron chains, you will fall hard. My aviation will fly over you and destroy the future plans you had for your slaves. And we will take a stading ovation to the heart, to the soul, and to the mind.]

 my soul is trapped in your dungeon, It longs to be free once again it searches for a door not locked. and my heart, my poor,tortured heart is held for ransom among your men.It hurts me when it rfuses to cooperate,and the part you dont have of my mind is not mine anymore.they've turned against me And they are your spies.

      you have my country in chains, and threaten my people with wips, i am as helpless as a wanderer of the desert. you have forced my people into slavery.
but despite all this my soul screams liberty, my heart beats
loyalty, and my mind will die free from you!

For war's sake i cry out for alliance.


wow.....old times

March 13 2008

You know when your parents say that makes me feel old, well I bet you'd never see the day when you say...That makes me feel old. I found this on the internet. It's a little long, but it really does sum up our early childhoods.


If you Are a 90's Kid this is For you !?

If you're under the age of 13...you shouldn’t even read this and if you do, you should not repost this. Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpson’s. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it.

You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this [ice ice _ _ _ _ ]
You remember watching:
-Ren & Stimpy
-Pinky and the Brain
-AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
-Rockos modern Life.
-Gargoils  (That show always scared me for some reason. lol)
-Looney Toons
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just can’t resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west Philadelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember:
-Step by Step
-Family Matters!!!
-Boy Meets World!!!!
-Wild and Crazy Kids

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. You remember trading in those pasty pop-tarts for those kick *** Toaster Strudels.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
when everything was settled by:
-rock paper scissors or
-bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or
-daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
-skunk in the barn yard
-ms. Mary Mack
-big Mac a tea a tea
when cops and robbers was a daily activity.
When we played Hide and go seek until our legs grew numb.
When we used to obey our parents
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendo’s and Sega Genesis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2, and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching:
-The Magic School Bus
-Reading Rainbow
-and Ghostwriter on PBS
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching:
-the 1st Batman
-Ninja Turtles
-ghost busters
you remember watching...
-my little pony tails
-gummi bears
-tail spin
-goof troop
-chip n' dale rescue rangers
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper fortune cookie things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs" :)
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
one word. . . . . . . . Furbies.
You had a pager but still had to call from a land line.
Cell phones were the size of a brick.
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.

Everyone watched the WB and yelled at people who interrupted them.
You collected all the Troll dolls
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before MIKE JONES . . .
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkman.
When checking out drawing books and that one book about the rainbow fish from the library was THE cool thing to do.
You had slap bracelets!
Dr.Grip was the coolest pencil to have
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!!!!
Bannas and PAJAMAS !

madly in love!

March 12 2008

"A man madly in love with a woman in danger will run to her defense..."

 i believe i've never seen a man madly in love, but then how would i know if i havent or have then?

 well i do know for sure

that madly in love would be pure insanity, but then to never love is depriving yourself of all good!



March 11 2008

stats test was a bummer today.


it's almost spring break. nuff said.