Happy Thanksgiving!

November 22 2007

We have so much to be thankful for, and I just wish everyday so then everyone would realize we have things to be thankful for 365 days a year. Family, friends, food, shelter, suprisingly our education, and most importantly of all...being able to worship our savior freely. And I'm just as guilty as anyone else for taking things for granted. I need to work on that. So I hope all you have a great Thanksgiving with your family and friends because tomorrow...shopping here we come!


Go to fullsize image

Isn't this just adorable?

Song of the week. "Superman"

November 22 2007

 Happy Thanks Giving, please enjoy. 



It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me 

Thanksgiving Story

November 22 2007

So, several days ago the "R" on my Dell laptop fell off. It's done it before, but this time it was unfixable, so we had to order a new one. Thankfully, my dad's Dell and my iMac held me over for all my computer needs until the new keyboard came in. Well, my dad put it in for me today and said, "Well, I've got some good news and some bad news..." Yes, the keyboard went in just fine, works just fine (seeing as I'm typing on it right now), but the bad news is that it's a French keyboard. Yes, you read that right. Now, it's all English characters, but some of the non-letter keys look different, but actually do the same thing as the English ones, so I guess I'll have to get used to it. Anyhow, there's your funny story for the day, though I'm sure you'll hear some funnier ones from your uncle.


Hope everyone has a Happy, Happy Thanksgiving!  

It is a weird feeling.

November 21 2007

I feel that at moments I must remind myself that I am alive. Thing have been going pretty good for me for the past few months, not perfect but better than before. I seem, I hate the phase "on fire for God," or "spirtually high" But I feel like I am in a pretty good place. Things are going pretty good all around. There are times where I seem like I am having a good day but I am probably having a great one. I don't let my emotions show really at all. I am cool with that. Ok so do you think that you would rather have on arm or leg that is weak and your the rest of your body be strong or would you rather your whole body be at the same place? But anyways I felt for the longest time that I was on auto piolet but then I realized I am just doing really good, Austin you are not used to this feeling, and you like it. I am not saying I don't need to work on things becasue I do, I would love to improve in my relationships, with God, my family and Elizabeth. Not other people, I hate people (true story) Not that I hate you ( I might ) but...oh well if you really want to know you can message me. But yeah I am kinda cool with this right here this feeling this life. I am at a point where I am really kinda happy with myself. Good job Austin you finally did something right. Thanks for the help all of you who did. Have a great Thanks Giving. I am sure that we all have something to be mad at but I bet all of those things don't come close to how manythings you have to be thankful for. That was kinda like a before we pray kinda thing at thanks giving dinner. Oh well I am done with my rambling now.



Oh look for the song of the week sometime tomorrow morning.  

(my last thought for a while)

November 21 2007

More than a memory.

I heard this song and I just wept.

This is like my life.

In a song version...

But I'm over alot of things and I'm gonna start these classes at school, there to help me with alot of stuff.

And I need 'em write now.

I love you guys.


*Like Water it'll All wash Away*



November 21 2007
One Way

Add to My Profile | More Videosthis is my sweet little cousin singing one way, a whole new world, and jesus loves me.  I LOVE HER!  (this is Ainsley, keep praying!)

pretty nifty

November 21 2007

Happiness keeps you sweet,

Trials keep you strong,

Sorrows keep you human,

Failures keep you humble,

Success keeps you glowing,

but only God keeps you going.

Hey Kids!

November 21 2007

I am thankful for you guys.. i am on my way up to illinois ... love yall im still on internet thow. MUAH! bye children, be good & dont roll my house!


i hate this...

November 21 2007
i hate this feeling i keep having... the incomplete feeling... i hate it... i hate how everytime i talk to someone in my family i almost break down in tears... this isnt normal.... something has to get better... something has to change.....


November 20 2007

So here in about an hour or two i am going to watch The Lion King.

The broadway play.  I have heard it was pretty good so i am exited.

i will talk to you people later 


November 20 2007

it's been a while...

November 20 2007

so it's been a while since i have posted anything on here... i still check it every day but i dunno.. i just haven't been in the mood to write anything....


well its almost thanksgiving break... i'm going home tomorrow and it will be the first time driving home since i went home for the funeral.  it will be good to see my family though. its been a long time and this had been a really hard few months and it will be nice to be around everyone. 

so its thanksgiving at my house this year... which will be awesome... minus the chaos... my mom always goes crazy... and well thats never fun... but my grandparents and my aunt and uncle and cousins from chicago are coming so im really excited! plus my sister is coming up for thanksgiving as well... it will be good seeing her...


but yeah in other news... school sucks balls!!!!

i'm so ready for it to be over... like for good!!!

oh well... it will come eventually....


well.... i dont really know what else to talk about... things are pretty good.. all i do is work and go to class... and sometimes have so fun as well..hahaha


till next time...



Happy Thanksgiving!!!  (almost) 

help fight it

November 20 2007

help fight world hunger!!!


what this is is a website and every definition you get correct, 10 grains of rice is donated to a needy country or family.  that may not seem like much, but i donated 1020 grains of rice!!!  woo!!  plus, it's educational and helps with your vocabulary skills.


November 20 2007

OH YEAH i'm going to see the bee movie!!!  ok sure it's with a bunch of little kindergarteners on a school field trip thing, but hey i still get to see it!  plus i bet all of those little kids are cooler than you guys anyway!!  ;)

so to jacob, keri, and megan:


Yep Yep

November 20 2007

OK so last night i figured it out! oh yeah i'm so smart :PWhat is it that i figured out you might be asking yourself, well thats a good question and i'm about to answer it. You see i was talking to my friends last night and it was going quite swell, then it kinda went down hill. So i didn't feel so hot when i went to bed last night, but instead of going to bed feeling all BLAH i turned on the radio to a Christian station. And then it hit me. I was going to bed feeling, i suppose you would call it sick to my stomach, b/c of guyS (and i ment that to be

plural) And i got to thinking..... this is when i really figured it out. WHY worry about guys or things that you cant control and let it mess up your life. I mean i had been letting people pretty much

determine my every move, and thats not cool. I got to be me no matter what people say or do!
AND i ALSO figured out why i haven't been truly happy!!!! I knew it all along but never put it into actuation. I found that the only way i will truly be happy is if i give EVERYTHING to GOD! I mean i had been trying to do so much here and there and only giving 40% to God...and thats wrong. SO yeah i figured it all out! yaaaa me!!!
So i am going to be ME and give 100% of who i am to GOD!

i need

November 19 2007
i need a change. i've said it before, but not on here i dont think, the thing i dont like about knoxville the most is that all my really good friends aren't here. Amy Bonnin and i were talking about it one day and i said that it occured to me that all the people that i'm still really good friends with are the one's that i've gone to church with. i still have a few good friends that i didnt go to church with. i've tried to get connected with a church up here, but it hasnt really happend for me. everytime i go i just feel so out of place.


but when i go, it just seems so right. like thats what i need in my life. i've met a few new people at church, but i just miss the one back home so much. what i really need is people to keep me accountable here in knoxville. more christian friends really. not that i'm a bad person or anything. but, you know. it's just easier sometimes.  i mean, i know what i believe, it's just sticking to it most times.


i also wanna move, i think. i mean, i hardly talk to my roommates anymore. or rather, they hardly talk to me anymore. it's just awkward. mainly one of them i dont talk to. but he's just a jerk to me, i'm not going to lie. i'll talk to him and he wont even respond. i dont know what the deal is. i always try to be nice to everyone.


but i do have to say, there are some people that i havent treated too great in the past, and i wish i could go back and change all that, but whats in the past is in the past, and i hope they can forgive. i'm sure they can.


well i better get off here, as i have a test tomorow and i'm supposed to meet my workout partner in the morning. since i'm COMING HOME TOMOROW.


i'm excited.


Hope you had a great day amy! since i know your the only one that reads this. lol. but emily might too. haha. oh well. maybe i'll see ya while i'm at home amy




photo from  

To Austin & Tyler Lowery (2)

November 19 2007

Okay I'm really bad at writting individual messages,

but I figured I would let you two know, that I adore you both.

You guys were there for me when alot of you other people weren't. And even though you both haven't had hardly any coontact with me since I've been sick, you still stick up for me.

Even though I shoved your face in carpet, and tackled you various numbers of times. (Tyler L.)

And Austin, even when I went through all your stuff and wore your clothes and made fun of you this summer (lol just kidding hun)


And even though you made fun of me tonight for my voice being broked.


I still adore you both...

And Tyler L send me a message telling me when your coming in, I keep forgeting?


November 19 2007

If i am the problem whats the solution.



that is my quote for the week 

shawty what ya name is

November 19 2007


1. Have you had any relationships this year?
Aparently not, i guess i did but yeah not any more

2. Have you had your birthday yet?
Of course i have.

3. Kissed two people in the same night?
you know it :) nah jk

4. Been on a diet?
that the doctor put me on yeah

5. Pulled an all nighter?
yea my last night in TN, i couldnt sleep

6. Drank Starbucks?

7. Went Camping?

8. Bought something(s)?

9. Met someone special?
10. Been out of state?
yeah like to 5 different states

11.Skinny Dipping?

Shoot yeah lol

12. What are you thinking about?
thinking about what i am thinking about

1.) Hugged someone?

2.) Slept in someone elses bed?
Austins nts nts nts

3.) Got a job?
yeah, construction
4.) Loaned out money?

5.) Gotten in a car accident?
nope never

6.) Gone over your mobile phone bill?

8.) Done something you regret?

yeah but cant think of it



Last person you hugged?

uhh Chason Fukuda, lol

Last person to call you?


When was the last time you felt stupid?

Physics exam, i didnt know it

Who did you last yell at?

Stupid friggen racist japanese kid, god i hate him so much

What did you do today?



Ten Facts:

1. i'm gay... on tuesdays. . .NOT

2. i'm not... good looking any more

3. Initials? JTL

4. Hair style? uhm brown and growing out

5. Eye color? idk

6. Height? 5'5 1/2

7. Pets? a dog

8. Mood?  idk

9. Where would you rather be? i dont really know, not really anywhere

10. What was the last thing you drank? beer


Top Ten Things About Your Life:

1. Have you ever been in love? yeah

2. Do you believe in love? sure do

3. Why did your last relationship fail? idk what you wanna call it

4. Have you ever been heartbroken? sure

5. Have you ever broken someone elses' heart? idk doesnt seem like it

6. Have you ever fallen for you best friend? no

7. Have you ever loved someone and not told them? false i loved one person

8. Are you afraid of commitment? no sir

9. Do you want to be in a relationship? yeah 

10. Have you ever had more then five serious relationships in your life? nope loved one girl

What are we teaching our youth?

November 19 2007

The other day in my political status of women course we were talking about culture and relativism and the way it effects basic human rights especially for women. There is a culture in Africa where being a 'large' women is considered attractive. This means that young women are taken into huts and beaten and forced to eat and drink until they are the right size for men to find attractive. There were many people in the class who were appalled by this, myself included, because these girls have no choice at all. But Dr. Petersen, our professor, said something that struck a chord in my mind, and I think she is entirely correct. She said, "We do the same thing to our own children, our daughters, except our stick is the media, and we beat into them the idea of perfection from an early age."


It makes sense; you just have to think about it. Look at the women on television, the teen idols for girls. Young girls have role models like the Olsen twins, Brittney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and many other stars who have too many problems to count. The images they are bombarded with are those of thin, 'flawless', women in tight fitting clothing showing off lots of skin. Perfection is shown as skinny, and beauty is skewed as if to say that if you aren't tiny you aren't attractive. It's no wonder that eating disorders are so prevalent. Young women feel they must starve themselves to be pretty enough and acceptable. Heavier people are always depicted as the butt of the joke, the unpopular characters. Pretty thin girls are the popular, well-liked characters.Think of the message you are sending your children when you allow them to take what they see on television and in the media and apply to real life as if it were the only truth. "Be thin and pretty and you will be loved." That is the message that the media is sending young girls.


And let's take it beyond that. Have you seen the Halloween costumes and toys for young girls these days? Girls dress up as a 'sexy pop diva' or 'sexy cowgirl' at the age of eight. It's ridiculous. Little girls running around in skimpy costumes that show way too much skin. What are these parents thinking? And don't tell me it's harmless fun either. There is serious harm in allowing your daughter to run around scantily clad pretending to be a 'pop princess'. The message you are sending is one that fundamentally objectifies women. You are teaching them that it's OK to allow yourself to be judged on what you wear and how you look. This teaches them that women aren't smart, strong, and independent; this teaches them from an early age that women are sex objects. And to add idiocy to the moronic, give your child a Bratz doll. These dolls with their over done make up and skimpy clothing is sending the same message. And not only that you also have Bratz Kidz and Bratz Big Babyz, two more dolls that encourage young girls to be solely concerned with being a 'diva'.


I know what you are thinking now. Why is Nicole so concerned with this stuff? She sounds like a grouchy, bitter, feminazi. Well maybe I'm just a little disturbed by the fact that we are teaching our daughters that all that matters is image, make up, clothes, and being thin. Maybe I'm thrown off by the fact that eating disorders become more prevalent everyday because young girls are convinced that in order to be loved they have to be thin and beautiful. Frankly folks I think that it's bull shit, and it's time for a change.

oh yeah i'm cool

November 19 2007


1. Have you had any relationships this year?
Not really no

2. Have you had your birthday yet?
Yep Yep

3. Kissed two people in the same night?
haha no

4. Been on a diet?
Do you know me.... i never go on diets :) I like food :)


5. Pulled an all nighter?
Not for a while


6. Drank Starbucks?
sadly no


7. Went Camping?
YES! i love camping! oh so much fun


8. Bought something(s)?
a few things but i dont like spending money!


9. Met someone special?
I met some new friends..but not "anyone special"


10. Been out of state?
I cant remeber

11.Skinny Dipping?
haha no

12. What are you thinking about?
life..yeah thats pretty much whats on my mind

1.) Hugged someone?

2.) Slept in someone elses bed?

3.) Got a job?
i have been baby-sitting if thats a job then yes

4.) Loaned out money?

5.) Gotten in a car accident?


6.) Gone over your mobile phone bill?

8.) Done something you regret?
probably i just cant remember them at the moment

Last Person you hugged?
Mrs. Shawn Davis

Last Person to call you?
I think it was my mom

When was the last time you felt stupid?
ha thats an every day event


Who did you last yell at?
no one..i dont like yelling

What did you do today?
nothing i had the day off :)

01. im gay:NOT

02. im not: very smart

03. Initials? SGB

04. Hair style? uhmmm i'm not sure

05. Eye color? BLUE
06. Height: i have not a clue..i know i'm short if that helps

07. Pets: 4

08. Mood: tired

09. Where would you rather be: riding horses or hanging out with friends

10. What was the last thing you drank? water

01. Have you ever been in love: yes

02. Do you believe in love? well the answer to the first question answered the second one!

03. Why did your LAST relationship fail? it didn't fail

04. Have you ever been heartbroken? Y-E-S

05. Have you ever broken someone's heart?: not sure 
06. Have you ever fallen for your best friend? haha no

07. Have you ever loved someone but never told them? i've only loved one person, so no

08. Are you afraid of commitment? no

09.Do you want to be in a relationship? i want to but i know i'm not read to

10. Have you had more than 5 different serious relationships in your life? uhmm i'm only 14 so that would be a BIG NO

01. Are you missing someone right now?YES

02. Are you happy? at the moment..yes

03. Are you eating anything?i wish i was eating some cake :)

04. Are you mad at anyone? not really


November 19 2007

I don't know why I can't not do these things. Some of these are actually kinda cool cause they make you think. Which is good. Definitely. lol



1. Have you had any relationships this year?
2. Have you had your birthday yet?
yes, March 8th. That was fun. Hey Heff. lol
3. Kissed two people in the same night?
can't say I have.
4. Been on a diet?
wanted to.

5. Pulled an all nighter?
of course!
6. Drank Starbucks?

7. Went Camping?
no sadly.

8. Bought something(s)?
heck yes
9. Met someone special?
heck yes...all my cool ambassador friends...man Australia will never be the same lol
10. Been out of state?
yes...and the country.
11.Skinny Dipping?
in my shower.
12. What are you thinking about?

1.) Hugged someone?
2.) Slept in someone elses bed?
3.) Got a job?
no...i can't wait though so I'll have my own money.
4.) Loaned out money?

5.) Gotten in a car accident?
no, i'm so glad.

6.) Gone over your mobile phone bill?

8.) Done something you regret?

loads, sad to say.



Last person you hugged?


Last person to call you?


When was the last time you felt stupid?

English today.

Who did you last yell at?

my cousin and sis

What did you do today?

gay school.


Ten Facts:

1. i'm gay...totally not!

2. i'm not...smart or tall or pretty

3. Initials? MLB

4. Hair style? layered, medium length, and usually in a ponytail considering i never have time to straighten it.

5. Eye color? brown.

6. Height? 5' 6''

7. Pets? two dogs and one fish

8. Mood? tired and hungry

9. Where would you rather be? at dance

10. What was the last thing you drank? water


Top Ten Things About Your Life:

1. Have you ever been in love? no

2. Do you believe in love? yes.

3. Why did your last relationship fail? never had one.

4. Have you ever been heartbroken? no.

5. Have you ever broken someone elses' heart? no, i don't think so

6. Have you ever fallen for you best friend? i hope not considering all my best friends have been girls

7. Have you ever loved someone and not told them? yes

8. Are you afraid of commitment? no.

9. Do you want to be in a relationship? sometimes

10. Have you ever had more then five serious relationships in your life? no i'm only 14


November 19 2007


1. Have you had any relationships this year?

2. Have you had your birthday yet?
no siree...on thanksgiving!

3. Kissed two people in the same night?
um no not nadda

4. Been on a diet?
5. Pulled an all nighter?
6. Drank Starbucks?
7. Went Camping?
a few times...gosh i remember that campout.
8. Bought something(s)?
uh you don't know me very well do you?
9. Met someone special?
not really...wait take that back yes i have!  someone very special.  how could i forget my wonderful Deven (stanley)
10. Been out of state?
a few times

11.Skinny Dipping?
no i'm a good kid...you think.

12. What are you thinking about?
well...a few things and a few people
1.) Hugged someone?
2.) Slept in someone elses bed?
uh huh
3.) Got a job?
not really..but kinda
4.) Loaned out money?

5.) Gotten in a car accident?
thank God, no

6.) Gone over your mobile phone bill?
i dunno

8.) Done something you regret?
plenty of things

Last Person you hugged?
prolly...um...mrs. Shawn Davis
Last Person to call you?
i don't know no one ever calls me.  well kaelynn called me like last monday.  thanks!

When was the last time you felt stupid?
i don't know they all sorta run together
Who did you last yell at?
i think i yelled at...hallie?  yeah.  hallie.  but not being mean
What did you do today?
retarded butt lickin school
01. im gay:NOT  your mom

02. im not: stupid or short, really
03. Initials? CCF

04. Hair style? cute and blondie

05. Eye color? BLUE LIKE THE OCEAN
06. Height: 5'5.5''

07. Pets: like....6 or something.
08. Mood: frustrated and confused
09. Where would you rather be: with my guy

10. What was the last thing you drank? water
01. Have you ever been in love:i thought
02. Do you believe in love? occasionally
03. Why did your LAST relationship fail? never had one! and i'm proud of that.

04. Have you ever been heartbroken? yes i've been totally crushed.

05. Have you ever broken someone's heart?: at least i don't think so 
06. Have you ever fallen for your best friend? actually yeah.....lol
07. Have you ever loved someone but never told them? yes...well until like a week ago.

08. Are you afraid of commitment? no

09.Do you want to be in a relationship? i don't want to and i'm not ready to

10. Have you had more than 5 different serious relationships in your life? uh no i'm only 13

01. Are you missing someone right now? omg yes
02. Are you happy? working on it...but kinda

03. Are you eating anything?sorta

04. Are you mad at anyone? pretty ticked and like kaelynn said, freakin disgusted at their immature behavior (i added the freakin for...crap i forgot the word.  well i added it for some more descriptiveness.  don't you hate it when you forget a word?  gosh it's on the tip of my tounge.  AAAH emphasis!  yay.  i added it for emphasis.)

i love this

November 19 2007
When she walks away from you mad

[ Follow her ]

When she stare's at your mouth

[ Kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you

[ Grab her and dont let go ]

When she start's cursing at you

[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]

When she's quiet

[ Ask her whats wrong ]

When she ignore's you

[ Give her your attention ]

When she pull's away

[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst

[ Tell her she's beautiful ]

When you see her start crying

[ Just hold her and dont say a word ]

When you see her walking

[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]

When she's scared

[ Protect her ]

When she lay's her head on your shoulder

[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]

When she steal's your favorite hat

[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]

When she tease's you

[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time

[ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she look's at you with doubt

[ Back yourself up ]

When she say's that she like's you

[ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grab's at your hands

[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]

When she bump's into you

[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tell's you a secret

[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes

[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you

[ she's hurting inside ]

When you break her heart

[ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over

[ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin

[ she wants you to read it ]

- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's butt am I kicking baby?"

if you decide to care

November 19 2007

this is for one person and one person only.  i don't mind if you read it, but it's only directed to one person...if they decide to care.


I now know how it feels to lose a best friend.  (Me and Tyler are still best friends, don't worry.)  But, I'm talking about someone else.  Sometimes, I wonder if he has any idea how much I used to look up to him and how I still wish I could.  Or how I loved talking to him and if he gave me the chance again, I would be so happy?  Or that I told him things I'd never told anyone else before?  And do you know why I did?  because I trusted him, with the utmost faith that he would never let me fall.  And he didn't.  It's almost like I slipped through his fingers and it's not that he didn't want  to catch me, he just didn't quite realize that I was slowly falling.  And now, I'm too far away from him and the only way I can be pulled back onto the boat is if he throws me a life jacket.  I think he trusted me, too.  Sometimes I don't know.  All I know is that I DO miss him.  And honestly, I'm having an extremely hard time knowing that all I seem to do is want to fight with him.  It's not that I'm mad, I'm just bitter and hurt.  I hope he didn't mean to push me away.  I think he's better than that, but now that I'm lost at sea, he won't throw me a life ring!  I need him to help me.  I miss his friendship so much and ALL I want at this moment is just to talk like we used to.  Just hang out like we used to, just be friends again.  Because I miss him.  And if you don't know who this is to, don't worry about it.  But I hope my friend is reading this.  If he is, I want him to know that these words are my heart yelling to him.  I've poured my heart out, and I pray he listens.


"You may not be my friend, but I'll always be yours..."

I, I, I...

November 19 2007

I love...

-my friends.






I hate...

-feeling disconnected.

-feeling like a failure.

-this semester.  


I want...

-a break (thankfully that's coming up).

-to visit Houston.

-to go to Disney World.

-to take amazing pictures.

-to make an amazing commercial for Single Cam.  

-to dress up with someplace to go.

-for us to always be friends. 

whats the matter?

November 19 2007

Okay.. proofing my point ...

even though you guys didnt quite gimme the answer Elizabeth wanted.. i was looking for what matters TO YOU.

 What matters to Kaelynn , might not matter to me,

& what matters to me might not matter to Carmen,

& what matters to Carmen might not matter to Jacob!

 But somewhere we cross the line in what matters , and things that are important to you today prolly dont matter tomorrow.

 But whats gonna matter when your old , and you finished the race? those things should be the ultimate goal, the


    IF we were talking science any thing that occupies space ... is matter .. so THAT MEANS EVERYTHING SHOULD MATTER .. right?

From a society perspective ...

Money, fame, popularity, love/lust- all that matters ??

 from a biblical perspective ....

Philipians 4:8

  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things.

  WHAT is it that matters?

whose perspective are you looking at anyways?





November 19 2007

I'm the type of person that doesn't like change. I'm not sure why, I guess because when change happens I always expect it to bad. Not all change is bad. Lately though, it seems that the changes that are happening aren't the best in the world. I don't want some things to change. I like the way that things are. I like the friends I have. But my mom said something about things only being for a season. I guess that is true. Sometimes I think I'm the one that is changing. Which isn't such a bad thing. I'm becoming more sensitive to what people need. But at the same time, I'm become more aware of things I never knew about people. And I don't like it. I want things to stay just the way that they were. Maybe I'm just being ridicules. I'm not sure anymore.

 Anothering I notice is that I don't care about the same things anymore. I use to have certain things that I thought were so important and in a way they still are important, but just not for me. It's so weird. In someways I feel bad for it, but then I remember that it's ok to be different and change. 


Anyway, I'm going to end this now because it's kinda late and I've lost my train of thought because of Barney Fife. : P 

does it

November 18 2007

Why should it matter?


November 18 2007

"What do you suggest for our current predicament?"

"I don’t know, if I knew our current predicament I could suggest a good suggestion"


HAHA i have had a lot of coffee and everytime i say this..it makes me laugh out loud!


 :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)


November 18 2007
it messed up at the end..i dont know why! And its sideways..haha so you got to turn your head to see it..but it makes me laugh!! haha i'll put the other one on here when i get home but this should brighten up your day :)

bad for me

November 18 2007

I like danger, but common sense sure don't

Tonight I like your sweet lies,

But tomorrow my heart sure won't

These are just some things I love

That are bad for me...

But of all the things I shouldn't do,

Number one is lovin' you

There's a fatal charm

In your faithless arms

Why is everything that feels so dang good

Bad for me?

Boy, you're one of those things I love

That are bad for me.



November 18 2007

Hey my people, hows it going.

I'm doing much better from the last time i updated you fantastic people. Although there still is a lot of Drama going on that i would prefer not to take part in...but life is good for the most part. I'm about to just go hang out with my fantastic friend LILLY! So thats good, i haven't done that in a while.

And i know what i'm about to say might scare you all but its ever so much true, i miss my second oldest fantastic brother (his name for all you who have not a clue who i'm talking about is SETH!) lol he has been gone this weeked at a Youth Convention *THAT I REALLY WANTED TO GO TO* for the past few days. Oh so sad for me i know..haha but my sister thought i was craZy when i said i missed him. haha

Well nothing much to say right now, i'll probably be on later and in the mood to write so you'll get more of my meaningless thoughts later

aaah screaming

November 18 2007
well...i'm tired.  i got the new iPod nano!!! WOOOT.  wow....for the first time in a long time, i'm not feuding with a friend or running all over the place.  i'm having fun!  i think i'm going to the movies on wednesday...(something i haven't done in a while) so i'm cool with that.  only 2 days of school this week. AAAH i can breathe, my party is finally over.  that was so crazy and hectic.  wow.  well...please, tell me about your week.  i really do want to know.

So are you?

November 18 2007
Are you happy?

The chipmunks to one of my favorite songs.....

November 17 2007


You have to listen to this, i know this song has an alternate meaning to it ,to which i dont prefer but i like the innocent meaning to itjust the lyrics itself, this song is amazing! especially with the chipmunks singing it!

Hershey Kisses!

November 17 2007

Well. It was great coming home again….by home I mean camp. sweet as hershey kisses! I came up there with a headache but I managed to deal with it, it was really great coming there , seeing a few friends. My testimony wasn’t hard doing at all, and I got a little nervous, But it was cool, getting away from around here…. So last night was good. We went to our cabins, and tlked awhile, when some mysterious person texted ellen , and said something about murdering us , and being in the cabin with us , and that we forgot to lock the back door, we got a little scared…. So me & Ellen slept on the same bed… well. It turns out im still alive so.. that’s pretty cool . We went to mcds in our pjs got a lot of stares, but hey its alright.

    This was an awesome experience , im soo happy ( but tired right now)!!!

    So…..with the camp atmosphere I remember the camp stories! I forgot about this but when I was about 12 I had this Hershey’s shirt, & This guy David nicknamed me Hershey’s, and the entire camp called me that. Theres a really good story with that but I wont bore you. & year after year that’s what they called me, soon it stopped, but now its sorta back up again. I saw David last night ( might I add he’s getting pretty tall) He Said Hey Hersheys I couldn’t help but Smile….. Hersheys & the good old days, When life was all about Living! :) I realized I wanna be Hersheys again…


November 17 2007

okay...for all of you who said i wouldn't ever...


yes read those words again.  i did it i played i shot people i got shot i did it.  woo!  i'm so...AAAAAH.  it was fun.  and i went to a concert and i'm tired.  and i'm saying bye.


November 17 2007


it changed all my words to italics, tho. that's odd. If you scroll over a link (which are now pink!!!!) it turns all sparkely. YAY!!



November 17 2007
To Maintain A Healthy Level of Sanity:
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and
   point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want
   Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has
   Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.>
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat...use a serious
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical
     Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their
      Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock
17. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot,
     Yelling, "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19.  Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are
      Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."


November 16 2007

You know what I used to see when I looked into my reflection in the glass... I used to see a girl who was on fire for an almighty God, a girl who was happy to wake up at 6 to see the sun rise, a girl who smiled at people just to cheer their day up, a girl who’s eyes used to sparkle when she was happy, a girls laughter that would make everyone worm inside, a girl who jumped at the chance to help someone.

But now, I see broken glass, and a girls tattered face looking back at me, with eyes that are dim and haven’t sparkled in a long time, a girl who only smiles for a minute and then it fades back into her every day determined to get through the day look, a girls laughter that anyone who knows her knows its fake and cold, a girl who tries to sleep as long as she can because that means one less minute she has to be awake, a girl who doesn’t really want to help anymore but is pushed and expected to because that’s what she has done in the past.

No I’m not going Emo and I know I’m not going to do something stupid. But I’ve lost everything in my eyes that matters, to you or your friends it may not mean a thing, but to me..to me it means the world. It seems like when I gain something, I just have to lose 3 other things. It seems like I always end up helping someone, and by the time I’m done helping someone else get through their problems, I just want to cry when I face my own problems.

I know I sound really stupid, and in a few days when I read this I’ll probably laugh at myself (with that cold fake laugh) but that’s how I feel RIGHT NOW..in THIS MOMENT.


November 16 2007
Hey guys, i haven't been on here for a while.... uhmm just thought i would ask you guys to please be praying for me. I'm not doing so hot and really need some prayers!!!! i mean "i need LOTS and LOTS of prayers"!!!!!

to Austin Mathis & Tyler Lowery

November 16 2007

ha ha ha this is something you both would do, so this is for you:

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) When someone gets on scream and jump like they are the main act at a concert

17) Call out, "Group Hug!” and then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!

19) Open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space"


Ha ha ha ha! Told you : )

lets go

November 16 2007

so i was thinking about all my different passwords i have.....

& it turns out it tells a very interesting story.....

 i like that, when you can make passwords tells something about you :)

im very sentimental i suppose!hey im female! but like anybody cares.....

 ill be gone in a hour, i need to be focused on wat im gonna say , but there are too many distractions on my mind right now.... im pretty excited though, i get to see some ppl i havent seen in forever.. some people im not sure i want to , but Its all good. Love you!


November 16 2007


i'm going to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert!

woo.  okay bye

Basic Training

November 16 2007

 I figured that I oughta post something on here since it's been forever since I've done that. 

 Basic Training was hard. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It was awesome though, because it pushed you so far. Beyond what you thought you could do. It pushed me to my limits, and than past my limits. It takes you to a place where you fail daily, and you have to cry out to God for the strength to just make it through the day.

 Basic was one of the best experiences I've ever had in my life. I grew so much closer to God. I saw a miracle in the life of one of the guys in my platoon. God was right there when I needed Him the most. When I felt like I couldn't take another step. He was there to give me the strength. I learned so much. I was stretched in ways that I really didn't want to be at the time. It really changed my perspective on things. A really cool quote that helped me a lot out there was "My current struggle is not a frustration for my sovereign Creator, therefore, my current struggle is not a frustration for me." 

 The first couple of weeks the main thought that kept runnin through my head was "What in the world have I gotten myself into?" Those first weeks were really hard. Thank you all so much for your prayers. It really means a lot to me to know that you cared.

 Basic taught me things that I'm not sure that I would've learned anywhere else. I'd really encourage all of you guys to really look into goin there. It will change your life.

 I'm really glad to be home. I've missed my family and all of you so much!!!! 

Oops, I think my chickness is showing…

November 16 2007

You know you are a redneck tomboy when you have moments when you either think or say out loud "Damn, I'm such a girl" or "Oh my god, I'm such a girl" and if they happen to you fairly frequently, perhaps I should explain myself for you first time readers. Nicole is not very feminine most of the time. In fact, Kenny often has to remind her that she is a girl and that its OK that she is. It comes from the fact that I've lived most of my life as just one of the guys. I have very few female friends, at least close female friends. I have a few from mock, but none I'm close to. That has other implications that I'll get to later. Most of my close friends are guys. Dash, Jonathan, Mike, the Freshman, the list goes on. So it stands to reason that I'm not used to being all girly.


Regular daily attire for me is a regular shirt, jeans, tennis shoes, and a hoodie. I wear light, very light, make-up, and the most I do to my hair is straighten it. Mascara and eyeliner are only for special occasions and mock trial, and I only wear the make up to cover my really terrible skin recently. I almost have to straighten my hair to make it manageable, but it almost always gets pulled into a pony tail by the end of the day. Honestly at the moment I'm at my most comfortable. I'm wearing jeans, tennis shoes, a t-shirt from my high school AP US History class, and my college hoodie. I've got minimal make-up on and just some lip balm due to the fact that my lips are really dry and I can't deal with chapped lips.


As a result of my non-girliness, I'm rarely noticed by those of the male persuasion. That's no big deal considering I captured the attention of the one guy I wanted to notice. However it was surprising, and it never ceases to amaze me that he finds me attractive and tells me I'm beautiful. But for the most part I'm still treated as one of the guys and I guess that's fine. I rarely get hit on, which is not a big deal except when I feel like the 'ugly friend' or something. It's not that I want to be hit on, I am taken and all, it's just that it's weird to be the girl no one notices.


With me things are changing though. I'm getting slightly more girly. I guess I could give that credit to Kenny. I worry about what I look like more often, and I even wore a skirt yesterday, which is a rare occurence. I'm trying to get into shape, and I'm trying to loose some of this weight. I don't want to be the fat chick forever. I'm not sure how much I like the fact that I'm getting more girly or if it's a good thing at all. I think that part of this change also comed from the fact that in the courtroom being a woman is a big deal. I'm so used to being judged based on how good I am that I get major league pissed when someone judges me on my gender. Does that make sense?


So I'm getting used to the fact that I'm a chick, and I will be treated like one. It's like the fact that the guys are more careful around me lately. I don't like it, but I know why it happens. It's because they've finally noticed that I'm a girl. I'm less a part of the group because I lack the sufficient amount of testosterone, and they don't feel comfortable joking around me like they used to. It makes me a little upset because I feel as though they see me as if I've become a different person, and I'm haven't. But I'll get used to it.


November 15 2007

some pretty sweet news. . . . my sister in law is going to have a baby. there is going to be a new kid with the last name of Lowery.

im gonna be an uncle again 

Ski-Invasion 2008!

November 15 2007

  Yeah we are taking a group back to gatlinburg for ski-invasion. You get there on thursday the 7th its a four hour trip is soo much fun on the way down there because everyone excited ! then we get to our cabins. this year they are sooo big and better.. wow i gonna put pics on here later. you go to confurnces and other stuff too. but you go sking on friday mornng

 to be continued

Song of the week.

November 15 2007

Yes yes, Creed, one of the greatest bands ever. And as I was corrected before, One Last Breathe by Creed.

" Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere"


November 14 2007

I was really dreading my ethics class when i found out i had to sign up for it this semester. but it was business ethics and i thought that maybe it wouldnt be that bad.


my favorite part about it are the discussion classes every friday. i love it cause i always argue the opposite of everybody else and it really makes some people mad. one of the guys i met in there will argue against me just for laughs. i happened to see him like the second week of school at the mall and we talked for a while. he's a pretty cool guy. he's a cheer leader, i laughed, but it's respectable.


anyways. when i found out i made a 100 on the midterm, which consisted of 3 essays, i figured i had it down-pat. but the best part is the teacher. Dr. Arnold. My roommate and i call him Arny. haha. but the cool part is, he wont tell you his position on things that we talk about, but most of the time we know where he stands. in the book he assigned us there are many articles with many different authors. he's the author of a few of them.


the cool part though is he'll assign articles that not only dissagree with his view, they the author will mention his name in the article and say how he "is ignorant". I dont believe this. i just believe it is a difference of oppinion and the other author needs to realize that everyone will not have the same ethical standpoint. which i'm sure he realizes this, but why come out and call another respected eithical philosopher person ignorant. haha.


anyways. i just drank some esspresso. thats why i'm up so late. haha



Allen Ketchup!

November 14 2007

so here it is...

Heres the ketchup!

 1- I am in the christmas play we are having dec 16, and i have a fairly big role in that if you end up coming look for Betsy (thatd be me.) Alex(erin), Mackenna(sarah)!

2- I am going back to school in January, but between now & then i am being pressed to finish my books... not fun!

3- friday night thru saturday i will be out at camp, waitressing & giving my camp testimony on that! ( BIG HONOR)

4-Monday im also giving my testimony!

5- I LOVE YOU guys!

6- next week from wednesday i will be gone for thanksgiving til sunday!

7- went to work today

8-i am actually doing okay, sickish been like that for awhile,like 2 weeks but good . i am reaLLY GLAD Jarreds back. thats about it i guess... yeah, so now i need some fries,& prayer with that!

well. yeah...





November 14 2007
one of my close friends asked me today "why do you just not care, why do you have this whole hate the world thing going on?" i thought to myself and answered "what is not to hate that is of the world?" "the rain," she quickly answered "don't you love the rain" i answered after wondering where my love for the rain had gone "no i do not love the rain. one time a long time ago when i was so nieve i did.  i loved every part of it. the playing and just everything about it." she was quiet. neither one of us had a thing to say, until i found something, "now the rain is just there and only that." it hits the roof  falls to the ground and waters the flowers that i used to care about, the oak tree that repesented strength to me, but now, now all my strength is gone. i have nothing else i am laying in the rain drowning. no love, no strength, nothing left to care for, but then there is you, what happened to that?


November 14 2007

sorry i know this is thought number 2 but this is cool.


The sentence below is true.

The sentence above is false.


figure that out.  and no, they aren't both false.


November 14 2007

"this is a way that i say i need you

this is a way that i say i love you

i'm learning to breathe

learning to crawl

finding that you and you alone

can break my fall

i'm living again

awake and alive

i'm dying to breathe

in these abundant skies..."

i still need you and i'm learning to breathe without you.  it's hard, and i'm finding that only you can break my fall.  this is really hard and i'm fighting with myself.  i don't like making decisions like this.....i'm still learning to breathe.


It's been a long time coming

November 14 2007

This post has been anyway. It’s a fairly late post considering that the subject begins with the return of the love of my life, which happened in mid October. But I’ve been caught up in so much work that the very thought of doing extensive blogging has been a negative idea. Mock trial, class, home life, everything, has been building up. I’ve finished one of my large papers and so I’m taking the time to another real entry.


No this glow is not radiation. Kenny has returned, for good this time. Words cannot express how happy that makes me. I know what you’re thinking. Wait didn’t she say that he wasn’t returning until late November? I did, and I suppose that I should actually explain that situation now. Apparently there was this grand scheme to convince me that he was not coming back until late November and then to surprise me by actually arriving early. Now you must bear in mind that several of our friends were all in on it. I was frightfully embarrassed and thrilled to see him all at once. I mean honestly it had to be one of the most well pulled plots I had ever had pulled against me. In light of this, a great deal of time has been spent with him since his return.


We talk on the phone and text message constantly. I know, we’re such high school kids. But you have to keep in mind it has been two years, and we are a couple in love. Kenny is dead set on making up for lost time, and I’m all for that idea. We’ve gone to see a couple of movies, gone out to lunch, gone on ‘moonlight tours’ of the new house that’s not quite finished, driven to Franklin several times, curled up on his couch watching a movie, and anything else we can think of. His birthday is tomorrow and we are going to spend the day together. I’ll freeze my ass off in that skirt, but hey, I rarely wear a skirt, and his birthday is a good reason. I’m so glad I have Thursdays off this semester. I wish I could do my schedule like this again, but of course there is no way in hell it will work out that way again. Anyway back to the subject at hand.


You’d think his return would be too much of a distraction for me. That because we have been apart for so long that I would have difficulty concentrating on classes and the like. However you would be thinking incorrectly. Kenny has become something of an inspiration, in addition to giving me occasional trouble with word salad, and it is because of them I have more drive. I’ve been working twice as hard on my papers so that they will be finished in time to go see him, and I get excited as each paper and exam is complete, one more step to the completion of my undergraduate degree and closer to my law school degree. I’m beyond happy that he’s back. I’m practically ecstatic to have him here in the Boro.


Words cannot describe how much I care about him and love him. I hate it when our dates end because it means that we have to go home to our separate houses. Eventually that will all change and we won’t have to do that. One of these days we’ll just move in together, no matter how much certain individuals I know disapprove of such actions. He says we’ll just call it a long engagement because we probably won’t get married until after I finish law school.


In conclusion: I love him, I love him, I love him. He’s back, he’s back, he’s back.

jerks and wimps

November 14 2007
When did we turn into wimps? Take a quick jaunt through the New Testament and you'll see a different breed of believer. Most Christians then weren't so much worried about what others thought about them as they were with God's evaluation. Their burning desire was to make him happy. If that meant sharing the gospel in hostile environments to angry crowds-no problem! If that led to death, dismemberment or displacement-then so be it!

A lot has changed in 2,000 years.

I'm convinced that the early Christians would be PO'd at the PC culture today in Christianity, especially youth ministry. We are losing our battle because we have lost our bite. We are more concerned about being user friendly then we are about the salvation of souls.

Since when do we have to beat around the bush when it comes to our faith? Since when do we have to “earn the right to be heard”? Isn't that what Jesus did when he died on the cross, rose from the dead and commissioned us from the mountain? If I recall he didn't say, “Go into all the world, build deep relationships, live your life out loud, then, when the watching world is so in awe of your godly life that they fall to their knees and say, 'What is so different about your life? I want what you have! Tell me! Tell me! For crying out loud tell me!' then, and only then, preach the gospel.”

We need to share it just like the early Christians did. When Peter stood up in the temple in Acts 2 he had no relationship with the crowd, but he shared the gospel and thousands came to Christ. When Paul preached the gospel on Mar's Hill he had no relationship with the crowd, but he shared it and people got saved. When Jesus asked the women at the well for some water he had no relationship with her, but he gave her the living water and she became a satisfied believer.

I think, in the name of relationship, bridge building, listening, loving, etc., many of us in youth ministry have lost our gumption. We have chickened out...and blamed our relational style of evangelism.

You get the point. Don't be a wimp.

But don't be a jerk either.

I was raised in a tight, right and extremely white church that preached with an “up yours” attitude. Yeah, sure we were bold but many times we were too pushy. If you didn't listen to our manic monolithic monologue and respond with a “yes, I believe” well, you were a poor soul on the highway to hell. “NEXT!” We'd just move on to our next victim.

We used to look at “soul winning” as a competition. “He who dies with the most souls wins” was the mantra we lived by. I'm ashamed of this now, but we would go to the mall, witness like crazy and then come back and compare numbers to see who was the best soul scalper.

As an evangelist I was a jerk.

But then I married a wimp.

My wife changed my life...and I changed hers. I brought her boldness. She taught me love. I showed her what to say. She showed me how to listen. I got her fired up. She got me calmed down.

You see it's not an either or thing. It's both and. Jesus told us to be salt and light, not salt or light. We “shake the salt” with our loving lives and “shine the light” with our verbal witness. We live it and give it. But we're aggressive in both. And we're caring in both.

Christians who share boldly without loving intensely are bull-horn, bull-headed blowhards (A.K.A. jerks) who turn off more people than they turn on to Christ. Believers who just love and listen (without ever sharing) are chickens...wimps of the worst kind.

Youth ministry needs bold, loving, caring, catalytic, concerned, unrelenting, uncompromising, unassuming evangelists who live it out loud and share it out loud. Courage combined with compassion. Intensity mixed with empathy. Proclamation married with incarnation.

George Whitefield used to pray before going into potentially volatile situations, “God, give me the mixture of the lion and the lamb.”

That's exactly what we need.

If we are going to lead our students into the battlefield of life then we need to do it by example. We need to show them how.

This means risk.

If you are naturally a wimp who tends to wait too long and miss a lot of opportunities in the name of bridge-building then you are going to have to risk starting sooner with the whole gospel thing.

If you are more of a jerk who tends to make people mad then you must risk taking time to listen and love in the midst of your proclamation.

Jesus was the ultimate balance. He knew when to speak up and when to shut up. He knew when to cry and when to confront. Jesus was never a wimp. He was never a jerk either.

Let's be like Jesus.

A simple quote

November 13 2007

Hope everyone's doing well.  I don't know who if anyone still reads this thing, but life at Lee is pretty great.  I'm enjoying it, looking forward to Christmas break, and generally just what all it is that God is doing in my life, both now and in the near future.


So here's the "simple quote" from which the title came.


I'll take the struggle to make myself pray or consider Chrsitian ethics in tough times throughout the day over suffering tough times without God any day.


November 13 2007
haha. j'ai perdu ma tête


November 13 2007

I'm not sure what this is going to be about I just feel like updating ya'll. 


I read something interesting on someone's blog that I knew. Here's what she said: "We live in a society where superficial friendships based purely on common interest rather than mutual care are the norm. Most people don't have the blessing of knowing what it is like to have someone who knows them well enough to notice the small changes of someone who is internalizing struggle." I thought that was interesting.


Anyway, Jarred is home! That's pretty exciting. I missed him a lot! Life is good.


I like this song so I thought I'd put the chorus up here:

today I feel like I'm just one mistake away

from you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me

just how far the east is from the west

I can't bare see the man I've been

Come rising up in me again

In the arms of your mercy I find rest

Because you know just how far the east is from the west

One scared hand to the other 





November 12 2007

Ok. I officially can not take this anymore. I hate my hair, and I'm tired of people asking and/or making fun of me because they are obvioulsy colored-blind. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, well then you obvioulsy don't know what I'm talking about. Simple as that. But anyway, I am seriously thinking about dying it completely out, if one more person says something about it. And I had actually gotten to a point were I kind of liked it, but now I hate it even more than ever. It's not unique, pretty, and no one is stinkin' jealous of it. (Mother!) Just today three people have said something about. One in English, one during wellness, and the other during dance. So, NO IT'S NOT GRAY OR WHITE OR PURPLE OR BLUE OR WHATEVER COLOR YOU THINK IT IS. IT'S BLONDE FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!

extremely urgent

November 12 2007

HEY guys this is a very urgent prayer request.   My mom just told me that my little cousin, Ansley, has MRSA.  (For those of you that don't know what it is, it's the staph infection that is resistant to antibiotics.)  She is only 3 years old.  The family moved to Texas in January and they have another little girl who is only about 7 or 8 months old.  So please, keep them in your prayers.  I love them so much.


November 12 2007

My abnormal psychology test, that was supposed to be today but was then moved to Wednesday, has now been moved to next Monday.


My music video project (which looks pretty awesome by the way, thanks to my teammates Ben and Adam) is now due on Thursday instead of tomorrow.


I just found a bunch of CDs that had been MIA for a few days.


And life is altogether good and stress-free for the time being. I just need to stay ahead of the game and I'll be in good shape. 

Spring Schedule

November 12 2007

Well, between Saturday and today I have registered for classes next semester. Every semester it seems like something changes, so we'll see what happens, but as of right now, I have a schedule I am pretty happy with and predict no problems. Here's how it looks:



Consumer Behavior 9:10 - 10:05

Mass Communication and Society 10:20 - 11:15



Promotion 12:40 - 2:05



Persuasion 11:20 - 12:45 

Mass Media Law 1:00 - 2:25


I hate that I have a weird gap in my schedule on MW, but I guess I'll deal. I was going to take Promotion at the time of Mass Comm and Society, but my advisor recommended I take an EMC elective this semester, so I had to reshuffle a little. It should be worth it. 

Now see here women...

November 12 2007

I don’t get it. I mean I guess I sort of do, but not really. We women want equality. We want to be judged not on the fact we have boobs, can wear skirts that display our legs, and can bear children, but on our merits, our intelligence, our strengths. Then why is it that some women insist on using their appearance and femininity to manipulate men. How dare you demean those of your gender who are fighting so damn hard to be accepted as humans and equals. The struggles we put up with are ridiculous: stereotypes, sexism, gender socialization, discrimination. And you only assist the matter any hen you further these ideas with you stupidity. Women do not need you to make things any more difficult than they already are. The point is that if you want to be treated as an equal stop using your gender to gain special treatment. I’m all for looking good, being flirty, and things of that nature, but I can’t stand how some women use their gender as a way to manipulate and use men.


Ladies, and I use this term loosely at the moment, please get a grip. Your breasts are not a weapon or a tool. The fact you are attractive is not a bargaining chip. You legs are not a powerful and useful item that allows you to make men do whatever you want. Trust me, you are a disgrace if you do this at all. Stop using your body to get you free drinks. Stop using your looks to make some guy go fetch what you want. Have some class.


I suppose you are wondering what brought this entry. Well, the time for the MTSU Invitational rolled around, and it was this weekend. It was a good tournament, really. The team came out 4-4 and Cory got an attorney award. However the round that will be forever in my mind was round two. It was a good round, except for a few things that really ticked me off. Randi and I are the two female attorneys at the table, and we were defense. When we went for the break after prosecution’s case in chief the first thing that came out of two of our teammates mouths was “man, you two were way too aggressive, they were so nice and you were so mean.” Bear in mind that these two are playing witnesses, and that the witnesses Randi and I crossed were being evasive and we’d tried being nice before that. I’m sorry but those who solely play witnesses should not lecture to those who play attorneys on both sides. They have no idea how hard it is to walk the fine line between too harsh and just controlling the witness.


If that wasn’t bad enough, our judges spent ten minutes, plus or minus some time, berating Randi and I about being overly aggressive, especially for being females. I mean honestly, the witnesses were being evasive, rambling, and taking our questions out of context. We had to do something or it would kill my closing. So we started out politely and asked them to refer back to the question we had asked. But when that didn’t work, we began to get a bit stronger, until finally we stopped the witness from rambling by cutting them off. Apparently that made Randi and I over aggressive bitches and the judges hated us. But when the male attorneys acted in the same way they were praised for being aggressive and assertive. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let a witness walk all over me, and be a passive doormat.


November 11 2007


November 11 2007

my eyes fill with tears when i see a person fall....

down at that alter,they heard my dear Lord call.

i wonder why i cry when someones on their knees,

maybe it cause i know it should ve been me.


i have  so much to live for,

 just living for my death,

boys an cars really dont matter

when i dont know my Last breath.

when im just sitting there thinking

of things good for me,

im sick of doing that now

when a person gave his life for me.


cryin' over a silly boy not my idea of fun,

 when life gets harder than before

 i realized the strong dont run,

when i get into some drama

all i need to do, is tell you that im sorry

take me back you do, cuzzz...


i wont live in the past

thats not what im looking towards,

my eyes are in heaven Gods who I live for,

 i made a lot of mistakes,

 but i learn from them you see,

I give you lots mercy like my God gave me



cool bracelet

November 11 2007

So I went shopping with Batey today. We spent literally eight hours shopping, and I'm completely tired. But, anyway, I got this really cool bracelet. It's a NO Plastic Bracelet, and it's 99% no plastic:


99% of the materials used to create you NO Plastic Bracelet fashion n' awareness bracelet are made from eco-friendly materials. How cool is that!?!


  • Beads: Eco-friendly 100% cornstarch based resin
  • Dye/Coloring: Natural herbal tea or Lead-free Dye
  • Charm: Recycled brass
  • Packet: Eco-friendly cornstarch based resin
  • Hang cord: Organinc hemp
  • Card: Unbleached 100% post-consumer waste recycled paper
  • Printing: Soy-based ink


A portion of the price of the bracelet is going to be donated to enviromental organizations, and they are hoping to raise $1 million by the end of 2008.  You can go to www.everybodygreen.com. There was this cool saying on the little card thing: We're all in this together! Like each one of the beads on this bracelet, we're all a part of something bigger...strung together to create something wonderful: a healthier planet.

I hate noisy neighbors

November 10 2007
Seriously... I thought living in the apartment would be nice, but the people below us play loud music ALL THE TIME. Is it really neccessary? No it is NOT. ugh. I'm tired of calling the cops on them.
On another note, I'm getting married in exactly 6 months!


November 10 2007

i like back massages

i dislike papers that are late....egh


i want a hug from each member of my family right now

i miss wide open spaces without concrete



i love the gift that God has given me

i hate being behind or feeling useless 


  goodnight all 


look it

November 10 2007

idk if this will work so click on both of these to see which one is right


 [url=http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_am_i_like]what am i like??????[/url]






<a href="http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_am_i_like">what am i like??????</a>

so yeah

November 10 2007
Are you like me?

well...hope this works.

it's a quiz.

Childhood thoughts :-)

November 10 2007

Haha, so I discovered an old notebook in which I have two journal entries, one from 8 and one from 9 years of age.  The 8 year old one is funniest, because it's... one of the most random incoherent succession of simple, unrelated statments in a row.

 Here are a few, mispelled words and all :-)


My mom reads sexy stores one is deceptive desires.


Meatesh is relly in to it hes saying come on man lets go lets do it but he like almost got a mustash it looks like.


*Mom doesn't measure a lot and doesn't do how long her bed is very. 


(measure was actually mosher, so I'm figuring that was the right translation ;-) ) 


Yep, there ya go, the sage wisdom of Adam's youth.. haha, or lack thereof 

i don't understand

November 09 2007

i don't understand when stuff like this happens

you are best friends (good friends, anyway) with someone and then one day they decide that you annoy them and that you are to be enemies, sworn to battle.  i don't like this.  people change and i don't understand that.  i've decided that change is my only enemy in life.  well, besides satan.  and evil...and etc...  but anyway, i have a lot of people i totally disagree with.


totally off subject, but have you ever 'loved' someone and then one day it hits you:

the side you didn't know they had was the one you didn't want to see.  the one you didn't accept. 

i feel like that.  it's like i didn't know this person had a bad side, but i really did, i just didn't want to acknowledge it.  sorry..random.


back to story.  i have lots of people i totally disagree with, now.  but i do not consider them enemies.  i just disagree with them (one STRONGLY).  i've had close friends to completely turn their lives around in the last little while...good and bad.  some i feel as if i've helped, some harmed.  but then i realize that i didn't make them change.  this is something they brought upon themselves.  back to the other random thing...maybe it's the same with yourself.  have you ever had someone tell you that you are different and you snap and say NO I'M NOT I HAVEN'T CHANGED WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BLAH BLAH BLAH?  well...maybe you do realize that you've changed but you don't want to accept that side of you.  this is not making much sense. 


i've found that i am considered one of the guys amongst my friends.  deven says it, chandler says it, meatloaf says it, jake and jesse say it, winston, levi...etc.  wow.  well, at least i fit in.  i kinda enjoy being fun.  that's the real me and i'm not scared to act all crazy.  tonight i was really tired and deven asked me what was wrong and i said I'm tired.  he said, but where's the fun carmen, the sunday night carmen (long story) the REAL carmen!  this isn't you!  and it really made me think...you're right i am not a sad person.  i'm happy and cool!  yes.   i am.  woo.  see, on sunday nights we always go out to eat and there are never any girls to hang out with.  so, i eat and talk with the guys and it's FUN!  it's the highlight of my week.  haha for those of you that know my cousin courtney, deven tells me to be a carmen, not a boring courtney.  lol  he said that in front of her!  i felt kinda bad.  but oh well.

golly gee that's long

Tired Eyes

November 09 2007


You can tell my eyes are tired. 

I am tired of seeing the same old thing happen.

But this is new, I will keep my eyes open long enough for this.

I won't blink.

I can't afford to, there is too much at stake.

Was it worth putting it all this at stake?

Would we have made it here?

My eyes want to close I won't let them though.

I promise.

I am tired of this.

I am tired of running so hard to reach nothing.

I am tired of half way seeing things.

I am tired of the old. 

 My eyes are tired now.

I am tired of this feeling in my gut.

I am tired of knowing the truth.

Ignorance is bliss, but knowledge is power.

Where do I comprimise?

My body is tired now.

You exhaust me.



Song of the Week

November 09 2007

Long Trip Alone by Dierks Bentley.

" So maybe you could walk with me a while
And maybe I could rest beneath your smile
Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold"


November 08 2007

It's 12:55 in the A.M. and i'm on my third cup of coffee. i think i'm going to write some in my journal. i dont do that as much as i would like. but it's cause once i get started i cant stop. and i need to do my poli sci homework. i know, i know. i should of done my work earlier tonight. but i'm a procrastinator. and i take advantage of hanging out with friends whenever i can. and we had to load boats tonight.


which by the way, we're racing this weekend. should be fun. but it'll be an adventure.


hope all is well. i gotta get started on some other stuff. someone is calling my phone. odd for this time of day.



Stressed...a lot

November 08 2007
I can't take much more. Everybody I know is yelling something different at me. All the jumbled up noise makes me want to jump off a cliff. It keeps me up till 1:30 in the morning, so tired, but unable to sleep because I have too much to think, too much to do. Sometimes I would really pay to shut up the voices. To shut up the world. To shut up everyone who wants me to change or do things different, when I'm perfectly happy where I am. Shut up Mom. Shut up teachers. Shut up friends. Go away and never come back. Never hear those voices again. Should I be worried?

im having a little trouble breathing....

November 08 2007

It's just a matter of time a few days ago
I saw you, you were fine
Remembering what you said
About the book you read
The one I got you
The Beginning of the End
Oh how we'd talk
For hours upon end
What I would give
Just to do it again
But you're lying there
In this hospital bed
Won't you open your eyes
And let's talk once again....
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I love you
I hope that you can hear me
I hope that you can feel me
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I'm sorry
That I never told you
When we were face to face
Well I've been here all night
And I'm watching you
Breathe in and breathe out
Is it really you
Or just a machine
That's giving you life
And it's making it seem
That there could be hope
I could say to your face
If it weren't for you
That there would be no grace
That's covered my life
You took the time
To speak into my mind
And my heart
Words of life
So goodbye for now
And I'll see you again
Some way, somehow
When it's my time to go
to the other side
I'll hold you again
And melt at your smile
Now all I have
Are the ones that I'm with
And you taught me not
To take for granted
The time that we have
To show that we care
Speak into their minds
And their hearts
While they're here
And say I love you

                                       so i heard this song tonite , and its what i need to say right now.....  its called things left unsaid!



November 08 2007

this is untitled because today, my emotions don't have a title.

"It's funny how someone can break your heart, but you still love them with all the little peices."


okay something is going on with some of my close friends...and it's hurting me.  it has NOTHING to do with me...but it's really starting to get to me.  i don't know why, but it's giving me a very bad feeling and i don't like it at all!  i don't think good decisions are being made here....but don't let me be the bearer of bad news.

all i can say is

true love is when all you want is to make the person you love happy, no matter if you lose them...at least they are happy.  their happiness brings you joy.

i see that.

my world is kinda broken right now.  like half is falling off but the other half is awesome.  does that make sense?  i'm trying to live in the awesome side while trying to ignore the bad side.  but i'm still trying to fix the bad side so maybe my world will be awesome.  but i the one problem i can't fix is the one that isn't mine to solve.  the problem that's a problem to me, but isn't my problem to fix.  the one i can't change.  the feelings i can't change.  and the hearts i don't know and the people i thought i knew.  especially the people i thought i knew.  miss them.  love them.  bye


November 08 2007


November 08 2007

hahahahahahahahaha rotflol  hahahahahahahaha

i just found this note in my bag, i don't know who it's from or who it's to or who it's about...but it's dang funny!!!  it's super random.  i don't know where it came from.

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA these are the exact words.  it reads:

To: Gangsta 1

From: Gangsta 2

He says he's always broke so then he should stop blowing his money on joints, pot, and coffee!!!  He has only himself to blame for his money shortage because he is such a druggie.


okay that's all

i think it was about mr. trondsen because that's the only way coffee would fit into that!!! lol


November 08 2007

A true piece of visual genius


Money cant buy you back the love that you had then

Humanity, What happend?

November 08 2007
I have finally lost all hope and faith in humanity I used to have. Everything that I used to trust in the world is gone. I can finally see that we are all selfish punks who only think of ourselves. Now do not take personal offense because I am sure that you are perfect. I am sure everyone who is a christian is. Oh did I mention that I lost hope in most of christians too. It is not that I am just pissed at the world, part of it. It is the fact that what I once thought was good, everything that I once thought was good was destroyed. I see athiests doing more good than christians. I see christians cursing out the drunk driver in front of them because he is swerving, instead of praying for them. "Preachers" lieing and stealing, "Christian" teachers blowing away what the christian faith stands on. The other night I found somethings that just makes me wonder if the world could ever possibly be good or even half way. Have we always been evil? Have we always had alternative motives. Was there a time when we were 3 years old running around with a towl on as a cape that we actually wanted what would help the world and didn't give a crap about ourselves? Was there a time when Adam and Eve loved and did excatly what God said. Was there a time when Cain loved Able? Has it always been this hell that we call humanity today?  Does anyone  think so? I want a conversation not just a remark.

monday night

November 07 2007
  well as most of yall know ... you saw me at mime practice on monday.! Yeah there was alottt of people that ask if i was joining the team... and the answer is..... im praying about it and im looking for a sign from god that he wants me to be on it... but i miss you all and it was cool seeing all of yall again. yall did a. awesome job on those songs yall learned...  god is soo amazing! but yeah it was just nice seeing all of you..


November 07 2007

right now....it's like a blur for now.  i'm still in hurry up and go mode...and i'm tired and i don't want to hurry up and go do anything

and it's a blur...because he didn't say it back.  he nodded

and said he liked her.

*refer to post on a previous date*

maybe.  actually i know this is what's supposed to happen

and he'll get over it.

Life is life.

November 07 2007

Well nothing is going on with me. Exept for the fact that high school has sucked all the joy from my soul. I don't have as much fun with my friends anymore. Actually, I hardly ever have fun, but I try really hard to pretend I do. Sometimes stuff actually is funny, I laugh, but it's not the ROTFL stuff that 8th grade held. Do I really have to indure 4 years of this!? No, I have to endure a lifetime of this. Because last year isn't coming back, and I have to much homework to even attempt to 'live' again.

Grown Up?

November 07 2007

Is it just me, or is life going by way too fast?


I mean, I feel I've spent a large part of my life wishing I was older, mainly wishing I was college age. Now I'm here and it's half over. And half of the time I don't even enjoy it because I'm so stressed. 


And I'm suddenly realizing... I am twenty-one years old, I am grown up, I am an adult.


My friends are talking about getting jobs and getting married and all this... and I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I don't feel ready for all this.


When did this happen?


And why can't I just stay here for a while?



I wonder if the "Chasing Cars" lyrcisit felt the same way when he penned these words... 


We'll do it all
On our own

We don't need
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

My Favorite Song!

November 07 2007

New Song Favorites

November 07 2007

I've decided to put on my favorites bands/singers songs on here so you know what my next play list will be:


1. Greatful Dead- Attic of my Life

2. Johnny Cash- Cocaine Blues

3. Brighteyes- Landlocked Blues

4. Secondhand Serenade- Vulnerable

5. Beatles- When I'm 64

6. Jack Johnson- Do you Remember

7. Blind Melon- No Rain

8. Tripping Daisy- Lost and Found

9. A Fine Frenzy- Almost Lover

10. Stain- It's been A while

11. Seether- (feat. Amy Lee) Broken

12. Bob Dylan- The times are All Changin

13. Elvis- Jailhouse Rock

14. Colbie Calait- Bubbly

15. Amy Winehouse- You Know that I'm No Good.


Yay! Love these songs. they rock!

You'll like them too. 

I Will Always Love You

November 07 2007
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yeah, i know

November 06 2007

If you really knew me you would know.....
1. I hate long sleeved ANYTHING

2. I always drink milk with ice in it...never without
3. I really do enjoy quiet time, even though I'm a loud person

4. I eat all the time

5. Sometimes I am bold...possibly TOO bold
6. I don't like it when people tell me who I should be or become

7. I actually have a phobia of new people...A REAL PHOBIA

8. If you tell me something, I usually remember it.  Even if you don't think I do or you don't remember it yourself.

9. I almost always am moving my toes....haha.

10. My very closest friends already know these ten things and many more.  Except maybe number 8...a few of you know that.

sweet sleep

November 06 2007

well i am looking forward to crashing tonight..i need to sleep!  this past week has been so hectic for me...i've been sick, with like 3 mime presentations, 5 hour mime workshop, geometry project that i had to start AND finish today, piano, church, and everything else in my normal week...AAAAH!  that was me screaming.  but, it's calmed down for a little while.  until friday, then it picks up again.  but i am looking forward to tomorrow.  no tests, no projects to do, no nothing.  i get to go to church and i love church, ya know.  at least it won't be this busy for a while.  i feel like falling over...like this huge load has been lifted off of my stressed shoulders and i can breathe now. but i'm still in GO mode, still hurrying around like a crazy lunatic.  whew breathe.  well...okay.  i'm going to dream of the same people i dream about every night when i sleep, that is, and drink a glass or two of milk and ice...and SLEEP AND SLEEP AND SLEEP.  and then wake up and go to school.  and be calm...and relaxed.

Free Music

November 06 2007

Just passing on the goods!  Hearitfirst.com is giving away 12 new songs from some very new artist.  Some haven't even released an album yet.  Some have been on the scene for a bit, but are still fairly new.  Anywho...Enjoy the Free music.




Think about it as an early Christmas gift!



Loyalty or Love?

November 06 2007

so this is gonna let me know where you stand on this ... remark what you think . LOYALTY or LOVE?

   You are deeply in love with this man ( if your a guy... woman) who you are promised to be married to after he(she) gets back from war. Turns out he(she) gets captured & is assumed dead.

 you realize you have to move on , so say years down the road

you find someone else & you marry them.... only after to find out that he(she) is alive , & he(she) comes down to see you & says he(she) is deeply in love with you, and you feel the same.

But wait you married remember? your loyalty is with your husband(wife) , but your heart is with the other person.

so Loyalty or Love?

Taking advantage of some time

November 06 2007

Soooo Judgment's over. YAY!! I can sleep again!! But I have mysteriously managed to catch something. And it sucks.


Haven't been doing a whole lot lately worth posting about, but I am looking for a job. So if anyone knows of anywhere that may be hiring, let me know and I'll pursue that as soon as I'm not hacking my head off.

So. . . .

November 06 2007

This is what its like. I will find out today. From now on its gonna be very different. Hasnt been like this in a while.

 Well i hope everyones day is GREAT

talk to you later 

Sometimes, Others Say It Best...

November 05 2007

Lord I want to yearn for you

I want to burn with passion

Over you

Only you


And the cry of my heart

Is to bring you praise

From the inside out

My soul cries out


A thousand times I've failed

Still your mercy remains

And should I stumble again

I'm caught in your grace


Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity 


Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.


In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.


Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.


"But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"


I'm a believer, help me believe... 

jury duty

November 04 2007

so i got summoned for a third time for jury duty. i sent my papers back in over fall break and told them the same thing just like i did the first two times that i couldnt do it cause i had school. well, they didnt care this time. so i have to go for the MONTHS of december and janurary. and thats only if i'm not on a trial that last longer than that.


so i may have to take a semester of off school. imagine missing all of janurary (i think i'm spelling that wrong. lol) and then having to go back to class. it would be impossible. they said i could request just a certain time period. but i dont want all of my christmas break to be tied up with jury duty. blah. but i guess if that keeps me from going to jail for skipping jury duty.


i cant decide if i wanna miss a semester or not. i really wanna travle, but that would take alot of money. i've always thought. it would be cool to go live with my bro and work down in florida somewhere. it would be a blast. but, he and his wife may not want me down there. lol. well, for like 3 months anyways.



Almost Love

November 04 2007

This song is so amazing.

I had to put it on here.


"I should've known you'd bring me heartache, almost Lovers always do."


It's amazing.