January 01 2006


new phusebox.
this one just holds memories.
that i don't want to remember.



December 16 2005

so i'm not quite sure what to think anymore....

it's completely surreal.
everything is.
i feel like i have been walking through these last few days
with a blindfold on.
i haven't seen anything that's happened.
i haven't felt anything.
just. cold. numb. empty. and alone.

i feel like i'm lost.
i've lost my best friend.
he's so far out of my reach now.
or so it seems.
and i hate it.
hate it with a passion.
because i miss him so much.
and he doesn't miss me at all.

i didn't want to get hurt again.
but i trusted him.
and now, here i am.
looking at nothing but pictures.
because that's all i have left.

maybe he'll come around.
come back to me.
because when he backed out of that driveway.
and he was crying.
and i was crying.
he took my heart with him.
and i want it back.
i want him back.
and it's all my fault he's gone.

but i'm not supposed to hate myself for losing him.
it's not going to work that way, i'm afraid.
just. not going to work.<3

holding hands and being in love.

November 20 2005

to you:

first off. i love you. beyond anything i could ever imagine. there is this connection between us that is inevitable. we are two people that have come together and made each other blissfully happy. i've never smiled this much. it's the little things that make everything worthwhile. when i have to drive 20 minutes to see you for 5. it's worth it. just to see you smile at me and give me a kiss.
you know. i believe that everyone has a soulmate. one specific person that they are meant to spend the rest of forever with. and i believe that you can find that one person at any age. and yes. it is going to be so hard. waiting that long. but it's worth it to spend forever in your arms. and i know that our lives together aren't always going to be perfect. but. wedding vows say for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. and whatever life throws at us, i know we'll be able to make it through.
and i think its everyone telling us that its not possible that makes me just, have a drive to prove them wrong. that our love is real and its strong enough to withstand.
your the first person i've told that i loved and meant it like this.
and we can make it.
i know we can.
just remember, no matter what.
i love you.
really and truly.
without a doubt.
with all my heart.
and you are amazing.
i am truly lucky to have you in my life.

all my love



November 15 2005

this is how every love story should go.

boy meets girl
boy falls in love with girl
girl falls in love with boy
they are together
fighting, yes. arguing, of course.
every once and a while things get rough
but they make it through.
just because of love.<3

the innocence would be lovely
but i'm afraid we aren't like that anymore
we've grown up
and become ignorant to this innocence
that we crave to have back.
but we're to impatient to gain.

ours future's together aren't promised.
but if we are willing to work through the rough times
and give it all we have
then we can make it.
let them call us crazy.
because we are so young.
if you ask me, they are just jealous.
that we are really in love.

yeah. that's it.<3

there's something sexy about the rain.<3

you completely stole my heart.
and now you won't let go.
i never even had a chance you know.
you had me from hello.