update on my life ♥

July 10 2007


i got married.

moved to hawaii.



email me.




January 25 2006

this beauty is choking me;;; but at least it's your hands around my neck.

The previously mentioned boy? He's out of the picture. Between that post and this I've:

1.) Kissed a boy I NEVER would have thought I'd be kissing

2.) Been Fired.

3.) Been dumped

4.) Fallen in love with someone I can't have back.

5.) Dyed my hair blonde.

6.) Dyed my hair brown.

7.) Dyed my hair back to black.

i love you all.

horray for skipping school today!

change ♥

January 05 2006

New year.

New friends.

New boy.


he makes me smile. For the first time in about 4 months, I'm happy. I'm ready to take on the world.

He cares.

He spent new years with me.

Wrapped under a blanket next to the fire.

Then we went to breakfast.

It was a wonderful night.

It's been a wonderful 5 days.


see all the people on the ground, wasting time.

November 20 2005

wanna hear your voice out loud. slow it down slow it down.

i'm crazy cold guys. make it stop.

i hate work. i hate school. i can't wait for turkey and gravy. and saterday, i'm inviting myself to lance's house. so yep.

that's about it for my phusebox entry.

 still has my heart.

It wasn't worth my time.

October 24 2005

I'm about to see a million things

I thought I'd never see and I,

I'm about to do all the things I dreamed of...

and I don't even miss you at all.


October 16 2005
I love this new phusebox. it's fun.I kissed a new boy last night. Went to a rock concert hung out with crazy college kids.went to kroger.got food.came home.i'm veryveryvery sick.and i have to work at 4.30! gay.

just stay with me, lay with me now.

October 10 2005
i'm grounded.
heh. bit of a bad grade.

I didn't turn in an essay for mrs. thomason.
lets see..
my average?
a 54.

luckily, being the wonderful woman that she is
she's letting me turn it in WAAAY late.
and giving me 1/2 credit.
So now.. I have a 72.
which means I pass.
I love that woman.

no really,
I do.

are there bandaids big enough to heal a broken heart?

yeah. I didn't think so.

Like my first time, that I caught fire.

October 05 2005

I can't even... be happy.
talked to ben on the phone.
i hate being without him.
two years is a lifetime...
and the two months we've been apart...
are going to kill me.

I got my nails done.
they're lime green.
I'm dying my hair friday at 10:30.
it's going to be red.
pictures soon I hope.


but I love you all.



September 17 2005

I'll get tired of the heart attacks
Every time it rings
I'll put myself on the waiting list
And get it all cleared up
You're the one with the attitude
Don't try and make me out
To be the root of the evil in
The whole rotten affair

Lie back and suffer now
We've both earned our reward

Buried deep in the telegram
I'm sure I never got
Was any clue of the whereabouts
Of all the things I'd lost
Just because you were right before
Doesn't mean you're right
To make up now would just vindicate
Every doubt I had

It's not as simple as
How much you think you care
You would never know
When to take the hint
Broken glass aside
My feelings stay the same
Covered head to toe
In blood and fear and spite

i'm in a mood.
however, I'm on top of the world.

He thinks he's in love.
I think he's fooling himself.

random cute boys make me smile.

September 11 2005

met a cute boy last night at kroger.
his name is shane.
he goes to riverdale.
he's a raider.

it's a real small world though.
we know all the same people.

not sure where I stand at the moment.
I'm ready to fall again.

i'm anticipating the sharp descent into no man's land...
and I can't wait to fall head over heels.


always late.

September 05 2005

I'm always late.
and by always,
I mean always.

I'm late for class.
late for work.
late to dates.
If you ever go out with me, assume I'll be AT LEAST 10 minutes late.
no joke.

and when it comes to ryan smith.
I'm two days late.

And I can't figure out what to say.
I said I didn't want a relationship...
so he found one.

But I do.
I just didn't want to make him feel weird.

I really really like this boy, and I can see us being together...
but I have to control my mouth.

I have to stop lying.
sometimes I say things, and I don't even know why.
like I hear myself saying it and I think "why would you say that? that's not even remotely true."

to steal a line from garden state.

oh well.
maybe we'll figure it out.

dump the ho'.

haha, ruby at work, is trying to set me up with lance.
she's trying to convince him to dump his girlfriend.
i love ruby.


kroger drama.

September 04 2005

it's so sad that drama exists no matter where you reside.
say what?

School's going decently. I'm going to fail AP US History, and If I do, I'm dropping down to standard. So there. Teach me to pretend to be smart.

I love choir. At the moment at least.

Everytime I wake up, my chest is tight. Like there's something inside that prevents me from breathing. I can't talk for at least 45 minutes after I wake, and I have to resort to crude sign language.

Well. Work at 3:30. Hopefully someone cool will be there. Maybe.



August 30 2005
if there truly is another lunch break stay late lover,
I would die, but at least I would be free.

i'm looking for a cute boy.
I need someone to make out with.
no strings attached.
I just need someone.

i'm taking applications.

so movies today?
if ryan can pick erin, just10, and I up.
because my car is grounded.


I hate cats.

August 28 2005

I cant breathe.

litterally. I can't breathe.
i'm sick.

and it's erin's fault. ♥

so yesterday I hung out with amanda for a little while, then met erin at kroger, and we went to target. Then we met ryan at the mall... and ran into a few of out kroger friends.
and then we all walked around for a little while,
then went to kroger
got yelled at for bothering the people at work...
then went to sonic.
Todd left to take Ricky home, then went to hang out with some Siegle Whores.
Ryan went bowling.
So Erin and I went to Hardee's.
And then to Books a Million.
and we harrassed Ben.
Put stickynotes on his car.
t'was funny.
not to him though. (:

Then we hung out with the amazing Justin.
and I love him.
but I hate his cat.
It bit me.

so I threw it.
and it came back..
and bit me again.

I hate cats.

juniors killed. &#9829;

August 20 2005
we won the pep rally.
how did that happen?

bomb threat.
2hours outside.
crazy hot.



ryan bought me a blue rose.
mainly because I nagged him to...
but that's okay.
he's still cute.

work was fun.
the mall was fun.

however, I hate skanks with boys' names.
they make me throw up in my mouth a little.

"every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end."

there IS life after ben.


August 16 2005
oh the woe of a heavy load.

so I think it's time for a change. maybe I'll lose 25 pounds, dye my hair blonde, and get a few piercings. Maybe i'll dress preppy. Maybe I'll try to be happier. Shall I paint my face in heavy make-up? Kiss a few boys? Do a few drugs? Anything to escape the monotany that is me.

because me, just isn't good enough right now.

guess who's happy?! &hearts;

August 13 2005

In lieu of recent events...the mourning period is over. I want to date again.I need a cute boy, one that enjoys acting on impulse. because that would be great.

I'm putting out a request. Someone take me on a date. (: kiss me on the forehead. Build sandcastles with me. Go to hastings and just sit down and talk to me. Do something for god sakes.

Now, for some lyrics. They make me really really happy. ♥

In one fell swoop it became clear to me,
that I despise you entirely,
but the good news is I'm gonna keep you around
And so your lust is just convenient now

Crack open a bottle of red
Let's toast to this here bed
Offer up your hand
My one night, two month, three year stand

And all at once it became clear to me,
that you're allergic to honesty

And you don't even have a friend around
And so my lust is just convenient now

I'm on my knees,
but so are you
Unfortunately for the wrong reasons
I keep incessantly believing that you're pure,
but you know it's not true

There's nothing wrong with being lonely


Hung out with the cutest boy ever tonight. ♥

ryan.. ahh.

I think he likes me... and If I play my cards right.. we might get to hang out tomorrow.

I just have to get ahold of the boys number.



August 11 2005
so let go.

breathe in.