The Things You Learn...

September 17 2006
Adventures in the land of Collegia:

  • There is nothing like a random drag party.
  • Doing laundry after said party can get pretty awkward, especially in front of a girl who is madly in love with the guy whose clothes you borrowed. [Pray she doesn't recognise them.]
  • Life can swiftly and suddenly imitate art.
  • If you're not careful, castmates will kidnap you. And you'll like it.
  • 'Pre-game' = the merde.
  • Work scholarships are earned through picking apart the seams on a sparkly black man-speedo with a thong dance belt. Yeah. Sparkly.
  • If you don't wake up early enough on Sundays [i.e. get there before 2:00], the only coffee left will be decaf. Decaf = crime.
  • The people who work at the front desk possess senses which can penetrate cement-block walls. For better or *ahem* for worse.
  • There are no secrets in dorm life. It makes high school look like an ancient vault with booby-traps and testy natives.


September 01 2006
My life is filled with things and events that, by all rights, reasonings, and rationale, I shouldn't be experiencing.

All good things, which is rather nice. [The alternative isn't much fun.]

Like Audrey Hepburn, though I in no way claim any resemblence to her in circumstances or ability, or anything else.

Don't try reading twelve pages of John Smith's diaries. You'll end up very bitter and remorseful about the discovery of America, in the 'if they had't gone and found this stupid place, I wouldn't have to read this' way.

I have fallen quite in love with wireless internet. Yaaaaaaay AirPort! Emailing people during psychology is fun.

I had three cups of French roast this morning [strongest thing in the cafeteria; I want to try Starbucks' Sumatran blend]. No cream, no sugar. I'm wiiiiiiiiiiired. Sleep-deprived, but really, really hopped up. Wooooo!

'Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.' -- Voltaire. Voltaire is my homeboy. Him 'n' Tchaikovsky, oh yes.


August 28 2006

Elements of Dorm Life We Should All Experience//Things I Have Learned:

1.) Living above a trumpet player.  That, or someone who is constantly rearranging furniture.
2.) Showers that cut off for a split second every time someone flushes the toilet.
3.) A single shower that when you turn it on, thanks to a unique angle, hits you right in the face.
4.) All the rest of the shower heads are at chin level.
5.) Going to every campus event because of the free food.  I have raised Feral College Scrounging to new heights.
6.) The French exchange students live in Wood-Felder!!!!!  Yesssssssssssssssss.
7.) 'Low' on the dorm-room air conditioning is roughly equivalent to 'arctic tundra.'
8.) Boys are evil [I know, I've only been here three days].
9.) Two words in reference to their sushi: 'Beige pickled ginger.'  ?!!!
10.) Ping pong is a full-contact sport.


August 21 2006

Long story short, 4-6 cups reduces the risk of diabetes and other generic nasties, but if you go over six cups, the benefits start to diminish.  Woohoo!  I'm buyin' me some Starbucks stock.

And yes, that brief synopsis is a cop-out.

You love me, don't deny it.

"People Should Not be Afraid of their Government. A Government Should be Afraid of Its People." -- V

August 18 2006

Warning -- Exceedingly lengthy and highly political post.  Because I like you guys, so it's only fair.

This just in from the New York Times:

Judge Finds Wiretap Actions Violate the Law

"A federal judge ruled yesterday that the National Security Agency's program to wiretap the international communications of some Americans without a court warrant violated the Constitution, and she ordered it shut down.

"The ruling was the first judicial assessment of the Bush administration's arguments in defense of the surveillance program, which has provoked fierce legal and political debate since it was disclosed last December. But the issue is far from settled, with the Justice Department filing an immediate appeal and succeeding in allowing the wiretapping to continue for the time being.

"In a sweeping decision that drew on history, the constitutional separation of powers and the Bill of Rights, Judge Anna Diggs Taylor of United States District Court in Detroit rejected almost every administration argument.

"Judge Taylor ruled that the program violated both the Fourth Amendment and a 1978 law that requires warrants from a secret court for intelligence wiretaps involving people in the United States. She rejected the administration's repeated assertions that a 2001 Congressional authorization and the president's constitutional authority allowed the program.

"It was never the intent of the framers to give the president such unfettered control, particularly when his actions blatantly disregard the parameters clearly enumerated in the Bill of Rights," she wrote. "The three separate branches of government were developed as a check and balance for one another."

Love this woman.  Love, love, love this woman.

"...said the decision was the work of a liberal judge advancing a partisan agenda."

Well the only way we'd ever get an unbiased view is if they had a judge who was not from either party rule, or some hapless, blessedly oblivious farming sod from Nebraska and neither the Republicans nor the Democrats have ever been very charitable toward the idea of Libertarian//Green//Independent members gaining a foothold.  [Let alone clueless Nebraskan sods, which is in no way a reflection on the general character of anyone originating in said state.]

"...She has ruled for the A.C.L.U. in a lawsuit challenging religious displays on municipal property. But she has also struck down a Detroit ordinance favoring minority contractors. "Her reputation is for being a real by-the-books judge," said Evan H. Caminker, the dean of the University of Michigan Law School.

"...The White House is backing a plan, drafted by Senator Arlen Specter, Republican of Pennsylvania, with the blessing of President Bush, that would allow a secret court to review the legality of the operation."

Yeah, because secret courts are completely unbiased.  Anne Boleyn was indicted by a relatively secret court.  Look where that got her.

And I'm sorry, anything that's being referred to as the 'Specter legislation' is just creepy.  Sure it's superficial.  In keeping with the Tudor analogy, this time regarding Anne of Cleves, Henry divorced her just because she was a little aesthetically challenged.  So we're good.

"Judge Taylor rejected the government's threshold argument that she should not hear the case at all because it concerned state secrets. Dismissal on those grounds was not required, she wrote, because the central facts in the case — the existence of the program, the lack of warrants and the focus on communications in which one party is in the United States — have been acknowledged by the government."

Tried their face.

"The president also violated the Constitution's separation of powers doctrines, Judge Taylor ruled. Neither a September 2001 Congressional authorization to use military force against Al Qaeda nor the president's inherent constitutional powers allow him to violate the 1978 law or the Fourth Amendment, she said."

Tried their mom's face.

"There are no hereditary kings in America and no powers not created by the Constitution," she wrote, rejecting what she called the administration's assertion that the president "has been granted the inherent power to violate not only the laws of the Congress but the First and Fourth Amendments of the Constitution itself."

Um, ouch?  *Cringe*  Somebody just got bitch-slapped in a federal ruling.  That's too blatant for written judicial documents, in my opinion.  "Hereditary kings" is random and not pertinent at all.  White 'er out.

"It is disappointing that a judge would take it upon herself to disarm America during a time of war," said Representative Peter Hoekstra..."

CONFLICT.  KAHN---FLIKT.  You're in the Senate Congress.  You should know.  Hell, I know this, and I only have one semestre of government class for reference.

"Judge Taylor did give the government a minor victory, rejecting on national security grounds a challenge to a separate surveillance program involving data mining. That ruling is consistent with recent decisions of federal courts in San Francisco and Chicago.

"Judges in those cases drew a distinction between the wiretapping program, which the administration has acknowledged and defended, and the data mining program, which has not been officially confirmed."

Eh, neither have those 'black spots' in Europe, so no worries.  *Sarcasm*

And finally, to close, since a picture is worth a thousand words, the caption must total around 500:

"Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales said Thursday that the administration would do all it could to continue an eavesdropping program ruled unconstitutional by Judge Anna Diggs Taylor of federal court."

TOMORROW:: Coffee as a Health Drink.  Your reward for actually reading this far.

Why Kelly Doesn't Visit Doctors.

August 17 2006

It's because that despite decades of school and selling their souls to The Infinite Evil, they really know nothing.

Case in point:: Yesterday's vaccine for meningitis.  Simple, really.  I could do this.  Jab, squirt, yank.  Bandaid.  *Applause*  Downright elementary.  And it's true, the procedure itself went without incident.  [Even if the nurse implied that since I was female, I was bound to get lost on the vast college campus.  Almost poked her in the beady eye with a tongue depressor for that.]

It was the waiting room that has me going.

[After 20 minutes of waiting in an office devoid of patients.]
"Are you Kelly Sullivan?"
[Internal monologue: Well, nobody else is here.  Watson, what would you deduce?]
"Um... We can't find your chart."  [Accusingly]  "You haven't been here in two years, you know."
[Internal monologue: With good reason.  And it was one year.]
"Er, so what should I do?"
"Well, we do have our archives...  They might be in there... Oh well.  We can just give it to you anyway.  Come on back."
[Internal monologue: Please, Tom Cruise, save me with your witchcraft before they can get close.]

So I received under-the-table medical attention.  In a doctor's office that can't keep its damned simple paperwork straight.  And these people are licensed to inject us with things?!  To treat and cure?!  To hold our lives in their oh-so incompetent hands?!  I had only been gone a year!  Last time, it was for paperwork certifying various other vaccinations, so I could attend Governor's School.  Yeah, they lost that, too.  Inbred, half-witted excuse of a medical malpractise... Makes me wonder whether I was supposed to have been back within the year.  They're probably doping me up with ebola.  Job security, and all.

And to top it all off, I ran almost literally into a small child with chicken pox, two years after my innoculation for said nastiness expired.  *Cues Psycho theme*  Aiiiiii!  Cute kid, but lethal.

So I've converted to Christian Science, because honestly, I'll have better luck praying for my cancer to go into remission than trusting it to their scurvy likes.

An Amusing Exchange Betwixt Siblings
"Kelly?  Are you here?"
"Yes.  My car's here.  That generally means --"
"Well I didn't see it!"
"...You had to walk right past it to get inside."
"I was watching the dog!"
"So you missed the 3,000-pound vehicle parked in front of the door?"

Good times, good times.

"The last time I navigated, we wound up in Kentucky."
"Well... Find printed instructions?"
"They were."


August 15 2006

After a lengthy stint with two vacuum cleaners, involving the cord getting tied around the couch, the hose wrapping around the wheels, the mouth trying to ingest its own said cord, cord almost decapitating me, vacuum either taking off randomly or trying to run me over -- backwards [no lie], and me like a smart one trying to vacuum things off of newspaper spread on the floor, it has been concluded that nobody will ever marry me for my domestic skills.  Current speculation suggests that I will need a fleet of maids, an accountant, and a chef in order to survive outside the home.

From the New York Times:

"Proposals after the Sept. 11 attacks to require visas for all foreign visitors were abandoned out of concerns that the demand would create an overwhelming bureaucratic workload, interfere with trade and tourism, and prompt Britain and other countries to impose the same requirement on Americans."

Lame, lame, lame.  What, like we're special??  "Impose?"  If the U.S. is going to make everyone else do it, whyyy can't they take the same medicine?



August 14 2006

For the second time in 1.5 days, I have been foiled by an inanimate object.

This is depressing.


August 12 2006

"Can I look at your Hillary Duff soundtrack please?"
*Shocked silence*

[It was just for one song, okay?!  Lmao.]

I smell like self-tanner and cigarettes, and can't quite scrub the Sharpie X's off my hands.  It's great.  Every Friday should be spent that way.  [Minus the whole Jessica's-car-towed-at-2:00-AM, but that's another story...]

And Shakespeare in the Park [ShiP?] is every Thursday-Saturday starting at sometime, all through the month of August.

I Abhor Rain and Overcast Days.

August 11 2006

Proud new owner of an iPod nano.
Currently accepting name ideas.

Graham Central Station tonight, woot-woot.  I'm excited; never been before.

We all need to go see Shakespeare in the Park -- they're doing Macbeth, and my friend//future prof Todd Seage is a murderer!  He is such an amazing actor, seriously.  If you're in a scene with him, you can't help but do better just because he's in it with you.  It's like he has this spark that takes other peoples' work and amplifies it.  It's really difficult to describe.  Even performing an audition scene with him is a treat.  And yes, I have constructed an altar.  Errrr...

"The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn't any." -- Marilyn Monroe.

Wednesday Night Parties.

August 10 2006

The following are not credited, to protect the guilty.  Bear in mind, all this happened within a relatively short frame of time.

[On purple] "It's like pink, with blue mixed in!"

"I just have no gag reflex."

"Don't eat salsa off the floor."

"Let's just fast-forward it to the part where Marissa dies."
*Room agrees excitedly.*

"...And we're about to watch Pretty in Pink.  Sorry if it's a little girly, but you weren't here when we made the decision."


"It's the sugar.  Wait, we haven't even eaten the sugar!"

"I'm going to spoon it!"

Plus various other quotes which involve spooning something [typical] or someone [less typical].

"[NAME], the apple's supposed to glow."

LATER, in another part of the jungle...

"[MALE NAME], let us put makeup on you!"
"Uhhh... Hold on, let me grab the vodka bottle..." [and a shot glass] "Okay, I'm all set!"

"Well [CHILD] was doing really well, until she put blush on his forehead."

"No dear, that's lipstick, he doesn't need more of that."

"I really like the blue sparkle mustache."

[MALE NAME] "It's not coming off!!!!!  How can a five-year-old put on makeup that solidly???!!"

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty... Hey [MALE NAME [the maquillaged one]], how does the rest of that song go?"
"Pretty, and witty, and ga-- Oh.  Dammit!"

"I was thinking more like Egyptian drag queen."
"So do you think we should do the aqua first, or the gold?"

"Ooh, photo op!  Let's add a sword!"

[Later, in the echoing stairwell near midnight] "Have fun with the porn film!"

Coincidence? ...Duh!

August 07 2006

This [today's horoscope]:

Put aside the routine chores for now. Some extraordinary opportunities are yours to be had if you're ready. It's a win-win situation however you end up. You know how to make the most of the chances coming your way."

Coupled with this [words spoken to me after an audition]:

"Good.  Very good.  We are definitely going to call you back."


Happy Kelly.

However... Mum calling during auditions [!!!!!!!!!!!!] + me expressing [what I think to be justifiable] anger that she called during auditions + her hanging up on me when I informed her of the severe gauche-ness that calling during auditions entails + her later speaking to me only in dang-fang-rippin' monosyllables because I expressed said anger = Not-so-happy Kelly.

And other factors too trivial to detail online.

I've been here thirty minutes, and we still haven't seen each other

Phew.  At first I thought she was watching L.A. Confidential, which she only does when she wants to vicariously kill someone [her words].  But no, it's just Witness.

And I don't feel well.

Okay, sorry to bitch.  Today I've done things most people only dream of, and I'm complaining that Mum and I are on the outs.

Sorrysorrysorry.  [I mean it.]

I need//want to get drunk.  You think I'm joking.

<3 Kelly

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

August 06 2006

I was so going to type something worthwhile here.


Hahaha, oh yeah.  My horoscope.  *Crickets*  ...Buuut only a few people know how it pertains to life, so is it really worthwhile?

Why the hell not.  [Means no.  Means 'let's do it anyway and sound all mysterious-like for no apparent reason.']

Positive developments regarding whatever work you do could cause you to form very strong bonds with the people whom you've been working with, dear Scorpio. The astral energy brings opportunities to demonstrate not only what you can accomplish together, but how much affection you have for one another. The fact that your incomes are all going to increase certainly doesn't hurt! Expect to begin planning new projects already. It's good to do this while the enthusiasm is still high.

Bwahaha.  Enthusiasm.  That means coffee!



August 04 2006
"She says you can be an unbearable snot."
"Ummm, why?"
"Because you always sit up so straight, and keep your wrists on the table, and..."
"Because I use basic etiquette?"


August 03 2006


Israel is still irritating.  Now they have commercials, saying, "We've been attaaaaaaaackedgiveusmoney."  Pfft, you shot first.  If you shoot at someone, they're going to shoot back.  Surprised?  Mm, shouldn't be.  And I actually got this all while watching Fox News, waiting at the grand-parentals.

Voted in the primaries.  Had only adequately researched one candidate, so I spent a lot of my time hitting the "Next Screen" button.  Hey, I'm not going to vote for people I don't know about.


I was totally pissed off in a major way by the system at large.
*I look at man persuing list of Republican candidates*  *Flag down passing employee*
"Excuse me, may I see the sheet with the Democratic candidates please?"
"Ummmmm..." *Goes off to search until my retirement annuity matured*  *Returns*  "I don't think we have one of those..."
[Internal monologue: You WHAT?]  "Quite all right.  I'm finally here at the computer, so it would do little good."

So yeah, Kelly's seething right now.  For the past five hours, actually.  This has got to count for some sort of discrimination, or with-holding of information, or high treasonnotreally.  Betcha there wasn't a sheet for the Green or Libertarians, either.

Who's Line is it Anyway is on.  All things must be placed on hold.

Politics and Pit-Bull Feminazis.

August 01 2006

Hmmm.  So with the impending elections, I've been going around to various politicians' sites, trying to get an idea of what they stand for, and what exactly their opinions are on certain key issues.  Unfortunately, I only got to two before my eyesight gave out: Phil Bredesen and John Jay Hooker.  I'm slowly working my way down the list of both parties today, because honestly the chance of either Democrats or Republicans letting a member of the Green, Libertarian, or non-party Independents get a foot in the door is slim.

I then received a call from John Jay's office.  Impressive, that a peon such as myself could merit a speedy reply.  Even if it was an intern.  Beggars, choosers, la-dee-da-la.

...I think John Jay might want to hire people with better phone and communication skills.  That, or switch the decaf out for regular in his offices.

"His biggest concern right now is the war. He's against it."
"You mean the conflict, sir?"
"No, I mean the war. We're at war."
"With all due respect, sir, Congress never formally declared, so it's still a conflict."
"Well… We're at war. We're at war with Afghanistan, and in Iraq, and – an' the war on terror…"
"Yes sir, I've heard the phrase."
"An'… We're at war."
"Yes, sir, thank you, sir. Now, uhh, about these other issues…"

That, or give the decaf to my grandmother, who just called to say this:

"I've saved an article for you in the newspaper all about safety on campus, and pepper sprayyyy, and the police say you can't use the brand they use --" [Commie elitists] "--because it's too strong, but you can buy it at Wal-Mart!"  [Why is Wal-Mart selling pepper spray?]
"Well thanks, but I really don't --"
"You know, it's a different world out there!  You can neeeever tell what's happening, or what's going to happen.  It's always best to be prepared!"
"Uhhhhhh-huh.  Well, I'll have Mum call you when she gets back in.  Have a great day, Granny!"

I might be a Girl Scout, but pepper spray seems like overkill.  A little too pit-bull feminazi to me.  You know, the whole, "You looked at me!  ANIMAL!!!!  HOW DARE YOU THREATEN MY CARNAL TREASURE?!"  *Cattleprod*  "MEN LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON WOMYN EVERYWHERE ARE TORTURED, BRUISED, BATTERED, AND EMBITTERED AGAINST LIFE!!"

Besides, isn't it rather vain to assume that the only reason a man looks at oneself is because he's plotting to ravish you?  Maybe you have toilet paper sticking out of your skirt.  Oh wait, sorry, skirts are a symbol of male Domination Against Womyn.  My bad.  True Womyn don't wear skirts.  Kilts are irrelevant, right?  Wtf.

Actually, I get the feeling that "true womyn" would be secure enough in themselves to not get caught up in arbitrary sartorial details.  May expound upon this later in Microsoft Word.  Yes, I've written essays for fun and excitement.  ...Shut up.

If You Don't Jump, You Can't Fly.

July 30 2006

As it appears the whole world is going to hell in a silk-lined handbasket, let's get inspirational.

Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he should be, and he will become what he could be. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. You were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -- Nelson Mandela

Coming together is a beginning.  Keeping together is progress.  Working together is success. -- Henry Ford

All great truths begin as blasphemies. -- George Bernard Shaw

There is nothing impossible to him who will try. -- Alexander the Great

Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson


July 29 2006

Okay, I've asked this favour of you guys a million times before, but...

If you would please pray for me, I would be greatly indebted.  The power of faith is an incredible thing, no matter what that faith is, and I have a firm belief in its powers [yeah, I know, believe me or not].  Okay, the prayer request is pretty vague, but here goes:: A remarkable opportunity has come my way, and I'd give just about anything for it to come true.  I don't want to say anything more specific, in case it doesn't manifest.  [[I also believe that 'if you start out depressed, everything's kind of a pleasant surprise.'  Yeah, a bit pessimistic, but a coping mechanism nonetheless.]]  So if you could ask your God or Buddha or Beatific Tree Sprite, whatever is applicable... I would be very, very appreciative.  :)


Salsa dancing [written in red for spicy ambience]:: Every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.  Lessons start at 9:00.  May or may not be a cover charge [can't be in excess of $10, certainly].  I know ladies got in free on Friday [yesterday] night, and everyone did on Thursday, but I don't know whether those were one-night, uh, stands.  No experience necessary.  The instructor is wonderful.  He laughs and jokes but keeps the class moving and breaks it down for you.  The club is open until 3:00 AM, but of course you can leave whenever.  You can leave at 9:01, heck.  It's at Ibiza Nightclub, on Old Hickory.  Basically, your directions from Murfreesboro are:: Take I-24 West.  Take the Bell Road exit, and turn LEFT onto Bell Road.  Drive, drive, drive.  When you come to the intersection with Nolensville Road, go through it and look on your RIGHT for the Sherwin-Williams paint store, across the street from a Mapco or some other gas station with a greenish colour theme.  It's in that little strip-mall area.  Parking is terrifying in that they block off random allees and so forth, but not unbearable.  You just have to be flexible, or able to defy physics.

That was a really long paragraph.

Sorry.  I'm spastic.  Sudden news, combined with sleeping from 3:00-5:30 AM leads to massive weirdness.



Lamest Headline EH-VER.

July 28 2006

"Senate Chiefs Plan to Resist Compromise on Energy Bill."

Do I even need to rant upon this?  Isn't that why we elected every last pinhead working on Capitol Hill?  To work things out so said things get signed into law?  Of COURSE they're not going to agree initially.  Why break with years of grand tradition?  But if anyone's going to make any progress on anything, there has to be some give and take.  Quid pro quo, just like Doctor Lecter says [and he seems vastly more intelligent than those 100//435//535 slobs, numeric value depending on whether we're discussing the parts or the whole].  Ugh.  Nerds and cads, the lot of them.  Anarchy and root beer for all.  S.O.B//Senate Office Building is such a telling acronym.

That's so lame.  Who actually PLANS not to compromise on something?  Aside from them, they're obviously bacteria in business suits.  That's like the court [any ol' court] saying "We'll bring your case to trial, but we're already planning to euthanise you."  Gee, your honour, how can I ever thank you?

And Israel is adding troops to the campaign they're not expanding.  Because, yuh-huh, that makes sense.  *WTF Moment*

Ugh.  Whatever.  When territory on the moon is finally up for development, I'm so buying the entire bloody thing and putting a laser force-field around it that will incinerate anything which does not have clearance to enter.  But I'd encourage them to try, just to have something to watch at dinner.  "Hmmm, who told Keira Knightley this was a resort?  Mwa, ha, ha.  Honey, where do we keep the Champagne?  Oh, no reason..."

Hmmmm, okay, Kelly shouldn't read the news in between dancing and sleep.  It disgrunts her and leads to long diatribes against anything breathing.

I shall discourse upon the state of salsa [as in, ensuing opportunities thereof tomorrownight] when the sun is up.

Bon soir!  [Ou "Bon matin," peut-etre.]

It Takes Two to Tango.

July 26 2006

So I've been invited out salsa dancing tomorrow night.

Problem is, I need someone to go with.  So I'm spamming all my little online journal-thingies with a similar invite.  Any takers?  No experience necessary; we can learn together.  :)

And, uh, I'll get the necessary information like time and location tomorrow, when my contact touches base.