lost......

alone......

confused....

does life get any worse?

yeah, the last day before spring break i am so exited cause i get to "sleep in" if McDonalds don't call at like 8:30 and make me come in. ok so what if there was no life only people no material things like makeup or jewlery or anything just people just existing to love. I think the world would be a better place because no one would be better than anyone else and they couldn't treat others bad because they were all the same. I mean because there are so many peole who judge and look down on others cause they don't have what others have they may not be as pretty or they may not have a lot of money but in my experience they usually turn out to be the coolest and best friends they don't turn there backs on u they don't judge you for the mistakes you made in the past. They don't talk about you, I mean don't you hate having friends who would turn on you in an instance they are so much better than you so they can talk like they now everything about you when all they see is the person you pretend to be around them . I dunno i think the world should focus on more than material things they won't last forever, but friendships will and the ones you make determine who you become so don't live your life to be popular hang out with the kids that aren't cool to, they may be the best friends of your entire life they will be the ones by your side when you get married of have kids everyone needs friends but don't look at the material things they have.

brandi

yeah, the last day before spring break i am so exited cause i get to "sleep in" if McDonalds don't call at like 8:30 and make me come in. ok so what if there was no life only people no material things like makeup or jewlery or anything just people just existing to love. I think the world would be a better place because no one would be better than anyone else and they couldn't treat others bad because they were all the same. I mean because there are so many peole who judge and look down on others cause they don't have what others have they may not be as pretty or they may not have a lot of money but in my experience they usually turn out to be the coolest and best friends they don't turn there backs on u they don't judge you for the mistakes you made in the past. They don't talk about you, I mean don't you hate having friends who would turn on you in an instance they are so much better than you so they can talk like they now everything about you when all they see is the person you pretend to be around them . I dunno i think the world should focus on more than material things they won't last forever, but friendships will and the ones you make determine who you become so don't live your life to be popular hang out with the kids that aren't cool to, they may be the best friends of your entire life they will be the ones by your side when you get married of have kids everyone needs friends but don't look at the material things they have.

brandi

yeah!!!! I finally got my blog to work it was messed up for like an hour i almost died!!!(Lol) what if there were no days or night it was just like one big continued life i think that would be so cool. anyways so what if it was true that god was the only thing you really needed i thought that once but my life turned around and i'm not so sure anymore ya know i mean its like god just left me to fend for myself in the hardest time of my life. The time where i have to make the decision to follow god and the standards and morals of my church or just to put that all behind me and live for me and only me. I mean i did give god a chance over and over again but hes kinda like me in a way i am given chances and i just throw them away. I don't know anymore i have become someone so different in the last few months i am hurting the people who have always stood beside me but i guess its better to hurt than be hurt .........right? you never really can tell the wrong from the right anymore society has our minds so wrapped up that right seems wrong and wrong seems right. anyways this blog is way to long so i think i'll go before i spout of more well catch you guys laterz,

brandi

  I am brandi

 I love music

    I  am a rocker

           I love the color black

                      And am trying to learn guitar

              I am am loser

                But am cooler than some

                       I don't claim to be perfect

                        because i have to many flaws

                     I don't want to die

                    But i don't want my life

                   I want to live for god

                            but i mess up far to much

                          I want to live my life for me

                            not for everyone else

                             I want to be different

                              cause the same isn't cool

                           Life is a soapbox

                             but only if you live it

                          I am a jesusfreak

                            but don't know how to reach him

                         I am lost

                            I am me

                       I am different

                     I am free

                             I hate material things

                              I love my friends

                             I hate pain

                              I am an airforce girl

                            I am strong

                            But i'm weak

                           I do hurt

                           But hurt others

                            I love unconditionally

                            I hate with no problem

                            I don't judge

                            so don't judge me

                           I have a past

                            I am alone

                          But sorrounded by friends

                          I am loved

                         but also hated

                          I'm am bound

                            never to be free

                        I am in love with a guy

                          who will never see

                        I wish i was free

                    cause all i can offer is me!

                               
                             

                             

In the middle of my weakness thats where i find my strength......in the middle of my pain thats where i learn to love........In the middle of my hate thats where i learn to live and in my dreams thats where i hope to find these things cause they could never be real because in real life weakness=pain,pain=hurt,hate=death and all these things make up the people we are thats why we are dying........and life to us is just the norm thats why people are hurting and thats why we are dying alone.

Have you ever wondered how you could make life better or yourself for that matter................I have been trying for the last 3 years to make myself better or just to feel better.I can't seem to find the person i want to be............I'm just lost in a dream that can't happen because thats not who i am. I want people to see me for me and no one does that i don't want to have to hide me past because i'm afraid that people will judge me for it. I guess i'm just tired of being me and not being able to be free.I could never be good enough i'm not that strong i'm not good enough for god or anyone.I have no one to trust anymore everyone has left me i can't talk about my pain because i'm supposed to be strong,strong for me and everyone else..............I just don't know what to do anymore i'm lost in a place that has it grip tight around me.and it seems i will never be free not even god can help me.......right?

I hate st.patricks day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I told everyone today that i was not going to wear green i just said that if anyonhe pinches me i am going to slap them!!~!(so no pinches guys!!)anyways wore my hair down today got lazy this morning and decided not toput it up so i just stuck jell in it anyways..................so heres another poem for you what do you think still another unfinished i can't figure out what to say after the last line................hhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmm.......

Im going away,

to a place in my dreams

a place where i can even be free

a place where my life

is filled with great things

cause only that life is found in my dreams.

so let me know what you think, i like to hear from u guys

So hows everyone?so last night at church we were talkin about different religons and my youth pastor said something that made me think he said you need to figure out who you are..........and i thought about it and was like i don't really know who i am or what i want from god or even what i am doing on this planet..........man life is screwed up.so anyways i am still trying to write but my poems are stuck ........still.........

one day i woke up and turned my head

i finally realized my life was finally dead

i suffocated the person in me

only i knew i could never be free

free from my past which haunted me in my dreams

free from the pain that surrounded me,

free from the life that.......................

i really wish i could finish these but even when i do i will go back and revise them and change life half of it?oh well will post more later

This is for justin!!!!!!What do you think!!!!!(Lol)  I love you justin(hahhahahahahaha)

Im so happy we got to skip drivers ed.........again.......mr. johnson keep showing up late so he lets us go to the "market" or the gas station last time we went to mcdonalds....uggggghhhh.....i hate mcdonalds.anyways so what is everyone doing im bored so everyone share some stories with me so i can be unbored.......going to church tonight i love church get to talk to all my cool friends and ......jesus......jj anyways i am in physical science so i  will write more laterr

some people have amazing talents i found these on the internet and was like omg this is awesome!!!!!!!

 These verses are for all my friends who are struggling this show that you must have faith in god he will never let you down. it shows the power of faith the walls of jericho fell because of the faith of people. My friend kale told me to read hebrews chapter 11 when i was stuggling and it has showed me so much and gave me the faith that god is with me through it all.

¹Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

³Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.

 ⁴By faith Abel offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, by which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts: and by it he being dead yet speaketh.

⁶But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

²⁵Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;

 ³⁰By faith the walls of Jericho fell down, after they were compassed about seven days.

³⁹And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise:

   ⁴⁰God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect.

so..............................I don't really have anything new to post today i haven't finished my poems yet so i can't really post that......................hummmmmm.......anyways. Have you ever wondered who you really are i don't know I am struggling to find out who i am i have changed so much in the last year its like i can't seem to really be able to find myself anymore..........but i guess change is for the best......right?

I decided to put these verses in to show that u really have to trust god in all things bcause he is the only one that can bring you through....and sometimes god puts you through suffering to make you a vessel

   ¹⁰For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings.

¹³And again, I will put my trust in him. And again, Behold I and the children which God hath given me.

¹⁵And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.

¹⁸For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted.

I found this poem on the internet and it really caught my attention i thought i would share it with you guys:

Darkness surrounds me.
I cannot see the light
At the end of the tunnel.
And so I try to fight.
The more I try to fight,
The more I seem to fail.
Hope seems so distant...
So thin... So frail...
I cannot make it.
I know that it's true.
Despair is all I feel.
I know not what to do.
Now I see beside me,
A sad looking man.
He's reaching out to me,
With his nail-scarred hands.

He seems to know
My sorrow and my pain.
He seems to know,
What road I have ta'en.
But how can he know?
How can it be?
How could he hear?
How could he see?
How can he possibly
Know or understand,
This sad man,
With nail-scarred hands.

I can't ignore him.
I must give in.
I know, by myself,
I cannot win.
This man will keep me
From many harms.
So I reach out to him,
WIth open arms.
He will help me.
I know that it's true.
I know he knows
Exactly what to do.
He holds me close
And now I understand,
This happy man,
With nail-scarred hands.

I've been thru the tunnel,
And now see the light.
Now I see so clearly,
That my descision was right.
I did not do it
On my own.
He helped me find
My way home.
He hsa helped me
In my life.
He has taken
My pain and strife.
I gave in
To a winderful man
That reached out to me,
With nail-scarred hands.

I dunno this poem almost made me cry and knowing me i don't like to cry but it shows gods love and how hes always there it is so amazing!!!!!!!!1

Each day is full of curveballs and soul-searching, but out of our most vulnerable and defenseless periods often come the most valuable lessons of character, spiritual sharpening and insight to the questions that weigh heavy on our hearts

I think this shows that maybe sometimes god puts us through stuff to help us learn and grow...........what do u think?

monday again........that means 1 more week till ...................

     spring break.......................

i'm excited i get to sleep in all week hells yes anyways I am stuck in the middle of being a teenager and an adult i don't know what to do with life anymore everyone wants me to be a leader and to be an adult, but i don't think i'm ready for that step yet..........but anyways church was awesome last night we have a visiting preacher from michigan his name was Rich Strawcutter he was awesome. I wish he could have stayed longer i always enjoy people like that. so i started writing this poem but couldn't finish what do you think?

theres this lonley feeling

deep inside of me

no one to fill this gap

no one to hear my pleas

I tried to ask god for his help

its like he never knew

the broken pieces of my life

could never be renewed.............

writers block i wrote this poem and heres where i stop, cause this poem is me and maybe the reason i can't finish is cause i haven't found a way to fill that hole.

I read thiss sign in my teachers classroom it really made me think so i wanted to share it with u guys it said:

you are not a failure if you have weaknesses you fail by giving into them.

....................think about it.....................................

so anyways still writin poetry i've had writers block but i'm begginning to get my ideas back.............i dunno that happens sometimes......but i have this one poem no matter how hard i try the right words never seem to come out and i can't make my oems what i really want them to be....................the only time i can write is when i'm sad,its then when my poems start to shine.

brandi

yes..................no school tommorow i am so syched!!!! anyways i am incredibly happy today!!hum.......thats wierd oh umm i think i have finally got over the boring unexciting part of being single, until i find a guy i don't care......i'll be happy alone who needs boys to make you happy anyways....well me....(lol) anyways i saw the coolest guitar today i so feel in the big L word.......love.....it was the coolest thing ever. ummmmumumumumummum...........i love my church we have some really cool people there like last night i went and was all just walkin around and saw brian and he was all like hey you wanna talk and i din't even say anything it was like he just knew.......kinda creepy, but anyways it felt good to have someone to talk to again and someone to trust........it makes me happy to see there really r cool people still left in the world.....not much more to write so i will catch u guys laterz,

brandi