"Not Getting Married Today"

July 07 2006
A few months ago, my grandfather started dating this woman who works in the deli at the local grocery store in Livingston; we had known her for years, but only on the level that one knows the deli worker--"I'd like corned beef on rye today, and aren't you tired of all this rain?"  For the longest time (since I can remember), my grandfather referred to her as "the Cornbread Lady" because she (among other tasks) made the cornbread for the plate lunches each day.  As I said, they've been dating for several months, and I know her name: Jean Reagan.  We've never officially met her--satisfying a corned beef urge doesn't count as official--but he was planning to marry her today, this morning.

He spent this past week with us in Cookeville, largely being in the way and driving me crazy (for instance, giving me advice on how best to approach and enlighten my PhD-holding history professor with the astounding knowledge that Andrew Johnson and Lyndon Johnston each succeeding assassinated presidents... my grandfather is a little nutty).  On Tuesday morning, he announced that he would not be getting married on Friday.  My father advised that he telephone the beloved with the news, and he did so.  We were most unhappy, as we would like them to get married: my grandfather is something of a child, and needs a parent.  We would dearly love to give the Cornbread Lady care of a bouncing 73-year-old, healthy boy.

On Wednesday, he announced that they would indeed be getting married on Monday, he telephoned his lady fair as such, and we were all once again quite happy.  When asked why he suddenly changed his mind, the response: "I've got her figured out."  ???!!

On Thursday, he announced that he would not be tying the proverbial knot.  Supposedly, he and Jean reached the decision together, but something tells me not (perhaps a subsequent remark from my grandfather stating "She'd marry me tomorrow if she could."

In the words of my mother, "If she does marry him, she's crazier than he is!"  We've told him that he needs to make a decision, or she's going to dump him.  I mean, when she wakes up in the morning, she doesn't know whether it's daylight or dark, left or right, or whether she's getting married that day or not.  I imagine that would wear on someone's nerves and perhaps even interfere with their cornbread!

I just give up.  There is no reasoning with someone this indecisive.  We've tried to show him how beneficial it would be for him, not only for having someone to stay with him, but because they can talk to each other and relate in a way in which we cannot.  It's similar to the decision about whether or not to renew his teaching certificate (since he didn't get his masters degree, he has to renew the certificate every ten years by taking two graduate-level classes).  We're advocating that he do so because he's still physcially and mentally active (if nutty), and it would give him something to do.  However, ultimately, we cannot make such a large life decision for him.  He has to do it himself, but he is mind-numbingly indecisive...

All I know is that I would dearly love to wake up on Sunday morning and start singing, "He's getting married in the morning/Ding dong, the wedding bells will chime..." from My Fair Lady.  He may not be Eliza Doolittle's father, but it would serve the same purpose...


Josh Morgan

July 08 2006
If I had waited to figure Liz out before I married her.... well, I, uh, wouldn't have married her.