And What I Really Meant To Say.

September 17, 2005So life is good.
Not bad but not exactly estatic.
I\'m bored and lonely.
And hungry.
So I guess I\'ll go eat.

Chicken Lo Mein And Eyes Full Of Tears.

September 12, 2005So yeah all was good.
Until I had to go and act like I was five again.
I\'m spoiled and I have a hard time getting over that.
I just wish he was here, it\'s always better when he\'s here to comfort me.
It\'s weird how when we\'re together, he\'s always holding me if I cry.
But on the phone he either gets worried or gets annoyed.
I guess I shouldn\'t go on my little emo trips when he\'s tired.
He\'s my everything, my absolute best friend.
I need to strengthen myself as a person.
Maybe then I\'d show people I\'m not all emotional and spoiled like before.
I want to be happy all the time and carefree.
I want all this stress just to go away already.

\'Come baby,
Just let me hold you near.
Come on baby,
I\'ll chase away any fear.
Come on baby,
Please don\'t cry here.
Come on baby,
I\'ll wipe away each tear.
Come on baby,,
Smile for me from ear to ear.
You;\'e my only one, every day of every year.
Come on baby,
Just let me love you, my dear.\'

Just wrote it. <3

Paint It Black.

September 09, 2005Again, things have gone to hell quicker than you can say it.

When we\'re together it\'s usually pretty good.

But when on the phone, we fight about alot of stuff.

I cry alot and usually I don\'t know why.

Sometimes it\'s school, other it\'s me or him.

I\'m just so stressed sometimes and I wish he\'d understand that.

He says just forget it and don\'t worry about it.

But it always comes back to haunt us.

I really don\'t mean to over react about some things. Others I just let everything go and I cry and cry.

I\'m trying to be a better girlfriend but I feel like a failure.

I\'m afraid to lose him, that\'s the biggest fear.

As long as I have him with me, I\'ll be happy.

Whether I show it or not.

Because Of You, I Am Afraid

September 05, 2005My fears:
Death
Being alone
Being unloved
Raw meat
Drowning
Talking to new people
Not accomplishing my goals
Being buried alive

That\'s all I can think of at the moment but I have some really strange fears. :-\\

But anywho...things are better and I\'m happy.

yay for happy!

I Will Remember You, Will You Remember Me?

August 26, 2005I think my life is one big overly dramatic movie.

And I have a soundtrack to every freakin-drama moment it seems.

Like tonight....the song \'I Will Remember You\' by Sarah McLachlan (sp?) could have easily fit in with me and Sean standing under the bleachers. It was just him holding me, trying to get me not to cry. I\'m just one big wreck right now.

I\'m not a bad person, really I\'m not.

I\'m changing my emotional dilemmas the best I can. I\'m trying my hardest and I hate being told I\'m not trying hard enough or I\'m not changing fast enough.

I just want things to be okay.