im jealous.

October 24, 2008laugh at me if you like, but i totally fell head over heels in like with matt manes from cloud chase, and idk. just a little girl crush on a drummer in a band.alot of you know how i just could barely even talk when looking at him, and how i thought he just did it for me. i didnt think of pursuing that, or anything, but i found his myspace... and well. i saw his gf.  i cant help but feel so JEALOUS! & cant help but compare myself to his gorgeous amazing girlfriend. why do we do that? why do i do that?
im feeling pretty down right now. :(

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 18, 2008alright. i have a new favorite.... peanut butter & chicken sandwich! oh my.... it was soo good!

all i mean to say

October 16, 2008

little did we know,little to you can i show.
much of you i miss,too.but not sure of what we had was true.
dont you  get it? do you really understand,
 all id ever wanted is your hand.not sure how it became so more,to the point where we both just stood halfway out the door.
holdin on tighter but not holding stronger -it was bound to end so terribly,truth be told it might be awhile before i even see it to be incredibly.
slippin' right through each other fingers there was not much much we didnt ruin. not sure i can go back to that finishing us up totally- getting the final "do in".
at least not yet,im scared of it being what we had and having it like that again i bet.
i dont want that, i dont want something i dont need , i dont just want you to have your way with me, and me pretending its under love , and just letting it be.
if it were ever to be us -as me & you,im not sure it could  be now & i wish it could be true.
if im worth it i might just make you wait,
& if not i'd still make you experience "have" but do not take.
 

baby... all i meant to say is maybe.

hot 'n cold

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my best friend besides erin & Brett- steven (sorry i havent spoke of him before) says this song reminds him of me. he thinks its crazy weird i have 2 different names- 3 different personalities- and 6,000 moods!  so this is for my amazin' asain steven.

so sorry it has a word at the beginning :(

.....

September 26, 2008

everything that i really want i now have.
anything i could want... its just within my reach.
   helping, serving, trying, loving... its really been the better thing for me.
 finally living! been dying to live like that.
  i can say yes and i can say no, an' i dont have to explain a thing.
with taking initiative , sometimes, no one has your back. i keep walking ANYWAYS.
i dont need your approval.
 i've learned I've gotta be 100% even when there's only 25.
remained confident, at time when im not sure, now they want what i have.
i understand the girls, and they talk to me, the key is divine friendship, and Respect.
 i tell them what is, got them a prayer going up, i cant save them, just plant the seed.
 no need for pity, dont we all want something to blame!
              the pain of him has gone away. faded night turned to day.
 the only place it hurts is right at the scar he left me.
im okay,  i have forgotten so much. been forgiven & ive forgiven.
 had God's healing rain.
 now its different . i am happy though slightly contemplative, and highly audacious.
 and the thing is... it never was me! i never did it. i let God step in,
and he gave me a victory in a battle, an' i know there's still a war.
 this is what i came here for.