Nate Tallman's PhuseBox

Seasons Change

Nate Tallman — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 14:29:32 -0600

"Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?" -- Jeremiah 32:27

"In that day you shall not be shamed for any of your deeds In which you transgress against Me;" -- Zephaniah 3:11a

"But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid." -- Matthew 14:27

Throughout season's change, God continues to prove His faithfulness.

Brief Observations

Nate Tallman — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 10:23:40 -0500

When I see pictures of me taken one year ago, I am always amazed at how young I look. Other people have commented simmilarily, and I have observed the same in others.

When I look back over my previous posts here on PhuseBox, I thought the same exact thing, "Wow! Who is this kid that bothers himself with things that don't matter, is tossed in every direction by waves of emotion and passing life, and lacks a maturity of which he thought he had more?"

My, how things have changed over the past year. Facets of life that seemed so important were not. Challenges jousted as worthy adversaries in the valient journey of the living turned out to be trivial in magnitude.

I would be lying if I said I looked back and saw a rock. It kinda makes me wonder what I will be saying about myself one year from now. Will I sit and chuckle as I do now and think, "Did I know this kid, lacking maturity, ill-prepared for the grown-up life?"

Who knows? I suppose it's all a necessary part of the expedition set before us. Would I go back and repeat the last year if given the opportunity? Not a chance. Despite what appears to be a precarious and awkward kid, I would not be who I am today without what I've passed through and hopefully learned valuable lessons from.

Email

Nate Tallman — Wed, 31 May 2006 01:59:56 -0500

Someone hosed the server my stuff was hosted on. Until I work out the kinks (and maybe longer), I may be reached by email at tallmann@gmail.com.

What Is This World Coming To?!?

Nate Tallman — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 05:18:52 -0500

The top scorers both at MTSU and overall in Facebook's basketball tournament bracket contest were girls. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I think it's pretty interesting.

photo from tallmann

Finally Bought the New Hardware

Nate Tallman — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 18:00:38 -0600

To clarify, only one power supply went bad. It had about 17,000 hours on it. The most it was off in the past two years, was for about 16 hours while I moved. Two weeks ago when the power supply bit the dust, it took the mobo and proc. I finally bought a new mb and proc today. I upgraded to Socket 939 which gives me the option for dual core *drool*. Due to cost concerns, I have opted for a single core Athlon 64 3000. I also spent the money for a better power supply this time.

I would love to do the mac thing. Give me that 64 bit desktop environment and I'd be a happy man. However, as I mentioned earlier, cost is a concern. Looking at cost/power, I can't justify spending the $$. Believe it or not, with the proper research, one can build an extremely stable 64bit desktop for a decent price.

Maybe I'll post the specs for my new*ish box later.

Snap, Crackle, Pop (Part 2)

Nate Tallman — Thu, 30 Mar 2006 17:37:34 -0600

...Speaking of things blowing up.

Snap, Crackle, Pop

Nate Tallman — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 11:50:32 -0600

My power supply blew up last Sunday. It took the mobo and proc with it.

See you when the money comes in to order new parts.

Digg This

Nate Tallman — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 05:21:19 -0600

Ladies and gentlemen, I, Nate Tallman, have had my submitted story on the front page of Digg! This is uber-exciting for me. Not only was it the first story I've ever submitted, but it made it to the front page and currently has 1216 diggs!

Here is the link to Digg. I am Livewired. How exhilerating!

I Was Hoping For .CGI

Nate Tallman — Sat, 04 Mar 2006 01:07:44 -0600

Maxillary First - 64

Nate Tallman — Wed, 15 Feb 2006 02:46:28 -0600

I consider myself to have a pretty high pain tolerance. That being said, I try not to take pain killers unless I absolutely have to. Well, my tooth has been killing me today. It was giving me a splitting headache so I dugg out the mepergan fortis (a strong painkiller with anti-nausea additive). Now my stomach is upset, which could be attributed to the Mexican food I had for dinner.

Ultimately, I need to get this broken tooth fixed. The problem is, dental work is expensive. I know that if I go to the dentist, he will want to do an examination first. He'll find that my teeth aren't in the best condition. Then I will have to schedule a second appointment to actually get the tooth fixed. I'm also afraid that it is going to require a root canal.

This tooth had a filling many moons ago. That filling fell out last August (I think), then the tooth broke on September 28th (my birthday). It hasn't bothered me too much until now.

Dentists don't scare me. Dentist's bills scare me.

Two Wheels on Snow Covered Ice

Nate Tallman — Mon, 13 Feb 2006 05:00:28 -0600

I went to a friends house last night to help with an English paper. When I left at 4:00am, I was faced with a little obstacle.

I looked down this stretch of road, realizing that there was not a salt truck anywhere near here. Snow isn't too bad. If you take it easy and don't take curves too fast, you'll be alright.

Here come the problems though:

I decided to take Rutherford Blvd., thinking that it would've been one of the first roads the salt trucks got to. I was very wrong. Under the snow was a solid layer of ice.

Well, as long as there's snow on top of the ice, I'll have a little bit of traction. As you can see here though, the trucks and cars before me blew the snow off the ice. I was forced to ride on the shoulder for most of my trek home. 20mph in 2nd gear was the fastest I went. A few morons blew past at about 40mph as I prayed that they wouldn't lose control behind me and clobber me. There was also a few tense moments when I ran out of snow and had to ride on the ice.

When you're on two wheels on ice, there is nothing you can do to keep the rubber side down. Several times, I had to put my feet out like skis to keep from wiping out.

Thankfully, I made it home. She's a trusty bike.

The trip was not without some repercussions.

Despite my cold weather attire, I was very cold when I got home. The 27 F left my fingers numb and hurting as the feeling came back. Hopefully I won't have to ride in too much of this stuff this season.

My apologies to Elizabeth Duncan for the five pictures in my post :)

Sam Cooke

Nate Tallman — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 03:47:03 -0600

So apparently, this is what I will look like in about 20 years. I wonder if we'll find out.

Good Morning Father

Nate Tallman — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 07:21:58 -0600

So last Saturday night, I stayed up all night. It's not usually a big deal, but this time was different. I went to church Sunday morning, went to lunch with Amy and Jennifer, then went home and took a nice 4.5 hour nap. That night, I wasn't able to go to sleep so I ended up falling asleep at about 7:00am.
That's the way this whole week has been! Go to sleep sometime between 7:00am-10:00am, then wake up between 1:00pm-2:00pm to go to work or whatever. I've seen several sunrises this week so I thought I'd finally document it:

Isn't it, "red sky in morning, sailor's warning"?

I love contrails. The morning and evening sun light them up like they are on fire.

Me at sunrise. I'll probably go to bed soon for a few hours. Today is laundry day!

Ozzy Speaks Again

Nate Tallman — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 02:16:51 -0600

You have no right to say - "O Lord, I am so exhausted." He saved and sanctified you in order to exhaust you. Be exhausted for God, but remember that your supply comes from Him.

Then those who sing as well as those who play the flutes shall say, "All my springs of joy are in you." --Psalm 87:7

Oriental Pictures

Nate Tallman — Tue, 31 Jan 2006 08:40:37 -0600

I've started putting pictures from China on my personal website. There's about 80 right now, but that number will go up considerably in the next few days. I'm not using phusebox for this particular album because I needed to be able to transfer a large number of images and transferring five at a time via http wasn't going to be good for my health. I also had some greater flexibility with StuffedCouch as I have ssh/scp access. Anyways enjoy!

StuffedCouch.com

It's Not Even Springtime!

Nate Tallman — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 05:32:29 -0600

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no-one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell.
-- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Bob Dylan

Nate Tallman — Mon, 23 Jan 2006 12:22:46 -0600

I miss China. Last night, I went to bed before midnight (shocking, I know). I don't usually remember dreams, but last night, I vividly remember dreaming about China. When I woke up, I had a few emails from some Chinese friends in my inbox.

I'm ready to go back.
Here's what I'm missing:

Failing Nerves

Nate Tallman — Sun, 22 Jan 2006 01:40:46 -0600

So for the past few days, when I took off my shoes, I noticed that my right foot is partially numb. I thought it was just from being on my feet, in my boots all day. Now I'm beginning to wonder, though. I've been sitting here and noticed that it is tingly.

The right side, including the three right toes are definately going numb. I can still move them and have no problems walking, but it's starting to get on my nerves. It kind of feels like my foot is asleep and not waking up.

It's probably not serious.

All You Need is WHAT?!?

Nate Tallman — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 07:14:53 -0600

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails;" -- I Corinthians 13:4-8a

Had an epiphany tonight sitting at dinner. I think I caught a glimpse of why love is such a crazy concept for humans (including myself).
I Corinthians 13 is a very popular passage of scripture, and not without reason. It describes the attributes of a concept that humans live for, dream about, hope for, die for, and sometimes do evil for. This... concept, for lack of a better term, plays a huge role in our lives and has massive weight in our decision making process, but is so confusing for so many of us.
Look at the attributes of love: Patience, kindness, not jealous, doesn't brag, isn't arrogent, isn't rude, isn't self seeking, isn't easily angered, forgives, doesn't find pleasure in evil, rejoices in truth, bears, believes, hopes, endures, it never fails.
To sum it up, love is everything that depraved man is not. This idea of love is an extreme polar opposite to man! I'm definately not patient (ask my friends), I get jealous, as much as I fight it, I'm arrogent and prideful, I seek out what's best for me, I get angry, then fight to forgive, every single day I find pleasure in some sort of evil, then it burns me up when the truth comes and convicts. I FAIL every single day of my life. Sometimes, it seems kind of hopeless. How can I have something such as love, which is so foreign to my character?

I thank God that I'm not myself. Oh, straggling pieces of my former self may linger and irritate like a splinter under the skin, but those are gradually being pulled out. Romans says I'm being conformed to an image. The image is of the One who fits every description given in this chapter and more. He is the beginning and end of all things, including this crazy idea with a four letter name. God is love.

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." -- I John 4:7-10

The Bends

Nate Tallman — Sun, 15 Jan 2006 07:54:26 -0600

Yeah, I'm in deep and coming up too fast.

God Shed His Grace on Thee

Nate Tallman — Sat, 31 Dec 2005 01:55:57 -0600

I'm back in America... kind of.

77 Hours

Nate Tallman — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 23:22:01 -0600

In about 79 hours, I'll be somewhere in Canadian airspace. I'm psyched.

In other news, I'm totally obessesed with my new camera. I've been taking pictures galore. I've taken about 650 pictures but only kept 175 of them. Of those, only a few made it here.

P.S. Matt Beard is in the 48! Woo Hoo!

Would Love to See the "df" Output

Nate Tallman — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 12:12:43 -0600

So I've taken lots of pictures with my new camera. My apologies if you fall victim to its eye.

Ambiguity

Nate Tallman — Fri, 09 Dec 2005 23:54:38 -0600

Distance home... 3.6 miles
Avg. speed... 50 mph
Temperature... 21 F

If I could grow a beard, I would. The wind goes between my helmet and coat and makes my chin numb. But, who cares about the cold ride home? Grilled cheese, mindless TV, and 7161923201 made it worth it.

Gotta get up in five hours so I can go to work early. Why? Cause I'm going to see Chronicles tomorrow night (read: tonight)!

What am I going to do with nine days?

No Words in English for This

Nate Tallman — Mon, 05 Dec 2005 22:22:32 -0600

I'm uberexcited! I leave in 13 days. It will be a little tough while I'm gone, but He's with me.

I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. I'm bursting at the seams with excitement. In my anticipation, may I not to forget to live today while it's here.

"Oh, clap your hands, all you peoples! Shout to God with the voice of triumph! For the Lord Most High is awesome; He is a great King over all the earth. He will subdue the peoples under us, and the nations under our feet. He will choose our inheritance for us,..." Psalm 47:1-4

14 Hours

Nate Tallman — Sat, 03 Dec 2005 00:15:44 -0600

7:00pm - Arrive
7:20pm - Leave for Puleo's Grill
9:45pm - Return from Hasting's... everything is fine.
12:55am - Walk outside to leave... everything is not fine.

If I ever catch anyone screwing with my motorcycle, they better hope they can run faster than me! I don't know who it was or what their problem is. If you want to stay out of the hospital, pushing someone's motorcycle over is not a good habit to start.

Enough venting...
I'm excited about tomorrow... err, tonight. I've seen them every year for the past 4 or 5 years. We're even gonna look nice! I can't sleep for thinking about it. I can't help it!
I've had 11 hours sleep for the past 3 nights. If I fall asleep as this very instant, I will get 5 hours and 9 minutes of sleep.

So, what?

Jellyfish Carry Bricks Too

Nate Tallman — Thu, 01 Dec 2005 01:08:23 -0600

Complete obedience is not without its trials. My prayer is for clarity, wisdom, and discernment.

On to lighter subjects...
Humpday is past. Today, my favorite twins celebrate a birthday! The week is almost over. Two more days until I can welcome the warm wash of 2 million glows.

Jellyfish

Nate Tallman — Wed, 30 Nov 2005 09:54:04 -0600

The awe I feel for my Redeemer is still as fresh as the day He saved me. He never ceases to amaze me! Thank God I'm not in control.

"There is only one relationship that matters, and that is your personal relationship to a personal Redeemer and Lord. Let everything else go, but maintain that at all costs, and God will fulfil His purpose through your life." "...not as I will, but as You will." Matthew 26:39

Five til Wonder

Nate Tallman — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 02:42:41 -0600

It's been a fishy night. I bought a salmon (whole) at wally world last week. Tonight I cooked it and my J-Group came to my apartment and ate it. Lemon, dill, a little butter... was very good.
Went to Steak and Shake (surprise, surprise). When I went to pay, the manager looked at me and said, "You're in here more than I am!" He gave me a big discount! I love that place. I've been there three times in the past six days. It would've been four, but they closed at 9:30pm on Wednesday night for Thanksgiving.
After that, I went to Jason Adkins's apartment. He has a 150 gallon saltwater fish tank. It's captivating. I sat an watched it for a little over an hour. Then, I worked on cleaning it a bit. The best part was feeding the fish. Most of the fish eat plankton. Basically you just pour that stuff in the tank and they scurry around to eat it up. There's an eel named Santa. Santa, the two anemone, and the serpant star eat whole shrimp. With the anemone and the serpent star, you can just hold a piece of shrimp next to them and the tentacles will catch on and pull it in. Santa is a different story.
While the eel is "non-venomous", there is enough bacteria in its mouth that if he bit you, you would have to make a trip to the hospital to get a shot. You feed him by putting a shrimp on a toothpick and holding it in the water. Normally, Santa will swim up and meet you about halfway to get the shrimp. I don't think he was feeling well today cause he wouldn't come out of his hiding spot very far. In order for me to get him to eat, I had to stick the shrimp down in front of his hole. Let me tell you, it's a little unnerving to be almost shoulder deep in salt water, holding a shrimp on the end of a toothpick, and hoping that this eel (who has killed a shark and a ray) doesn't bite you. It all worked out though. All's well and that ends well.
However, it would be kind of unique to say you were bitten by an eel and had to go to the ER for antibiotics.

ARNJF

Nate Tallman — Sun, 27 Nov 2005 20:43:22 -0600

I'm excited! There's lots of reasons, one of which is that the TV woman said tornados are coming!
I can't wait for this week to be done with. Salmon tomorrow, work, last AO (for the semester), work, who knows, then lights.

Stupid grins are not illegal.

???

Nate Tallman — Sat, 26 Nov 2005 19:43:35 -0600

It's 9:46pm on a Saturday night and I'm in my own apartment.

This night has been ultra-wierd.

Tasting My Own Medicine

Nate Tallman — Fri, 25 Nov 2005 15:55:59 -0600

I needed to take a quick break before I passed out. The fumes from this cleaner I'm using are horrible.
Good news, I got here early, so I'm leaving early. Home to shower this horrible cleaner off is where I'm going. Then, who knows?

Headache's gone... back to work. Tick faster stupid clock!

Am I setting myself up for something not-so-good?

Steak and Shake Closed Tonight at 9:30pm!

Nate Tallman — Wed, 23 Nov 2005 23:18:32 -0600

It's only one hour and ten minutes into Thanksgiving and I'm loving it already! At 11:00am, my family is going to Hope Center to serve Thanksgiving meals. Then my family and a few friends are going to my parent's house for traditional Thanksgiving meal. It will be fun. I haven't seen my aunt, uncle, and two cousins in a while. Then, what's Thanksgiving without BBQ! That's right... second meal!

Serving the needy, enjoying family, enjoying friends... you have no idea how ecstatic I am! I am so blessed!

Father, thank you for being so amazing! My provider, my shelter, my redeemer. Words cannot express my gratitude.

Kaboom!

Nate Tallman — Wed, 23 Nov 2005 02:24:24 -0600

What an incredible night! Words cannot express, but I'll try...
Incredible Experience #1:
A few guys came over to the church to prayer walk. I joined them when I got done with work.
"Now My eyes will be open and My ears attentive to the prayer offered in this place. For now
I have chosen and consecrated this house that My name may be there
forever, and My eyes and My heart will be there perpetually." II Chronicles 7:15-16

Incredible Experience #2:
Went to Steak-and-Shake at about 2:30am. Robert was there (He's better than Crazy Carl by the way). When I got through eating he came over and showed us this book he had been reading. Basically he is searching and is having a hard time understanding the concept of a just God of love. We talked about a few things. Fundamentally, he is leaning towards universalism. I explained a little bit about what I believe (absolute truth, literal heaven and hell, sinful man, redeeming saviour). Thank God the line of communication between Robert and me is open. I got the name of the book he is reading and I told him I would read it so we could discuss it further. He seems pretty open-minded and logical. What an incredible opportunity! Pray for Robert. Pray that his mind would be open and receptive to the truth. Pray that I would have the right words to say at the right time. God is AWESOME!

"When they bring you before the synagogues and the rulers and the authorities, do not worry about how or what you are to speak in your defense, or what you are to say; for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say." Luke 12:11-12
Tonight was living proof of that.

This is all beside the fact that I had an amazing day! I believe I have a newfound veneration for my Master!

New Skill

Nate Tallman — Mon, 21 Nov 2005 16:23:21 -0600

Waiting. Never liked it much.

3 in 24... So Sue Me!

Nate Tallman — Sat, 19 Nov 2005 21:18:28 -0600

God has a sense of humor. If He wasn't so nice, I would almost call it a cruel sense of humor (Go ahead, flame me for saying God has a cruel sense of humor). He knows the entire plan, He knows what's best for us, He makes good for us, but our little finite brains can't pick up on the clues. Everyonce in a while, I wish I could figure this thing out, but on the other hand, I rather like flying by the seat of my pants.

Life threw me a curveball. I'll probably let it go this time. Is it a strike or a ball?

Dancing Cell Phones Freezing in the Flood

Nate Tallman — Sat, 19 Nov 2005 16:22:33 -0600

Bear with me on this one...
I've been listening to Christmas music and I am so wishing I could dance. It's great dancing music. I tried practicing with the mop, but it didn't quite work.

I got my cell phone and wallet back. I'm legal again.

I think jumping in the freezing cold water in the pool last night is wreaking havoc on my skin. It just feels funny.

Methuselah lived to be 969 years old. You would think he died of old age right? He died the same year the flood came. Makes me wonder if God let Noah's grandfather live that long only so he would die in the flood.

It's 28 degrees right now.

Nate Tallman — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 23:55:03 -0600

Scent of a Woman is one of my top three favorite movies. Al Pacino's monologue in the end is incredible. Besides the movie, I left my cell phone and wallet. Hope I don't get pulled over tonight. I'm at a friend's apartment right now. Hot tubs in winter are amazing! I decided to shock my body and jumped in the pool twice. That was quite an experience. I might edit in more later.

So Much for Iron Gut

Nate Tallman — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 23:20:36 -0600

The McDonald's I ate last night isn't going very well. I'm going to try to be on campus at 7:10am, but this has to settle down first.

Ready... Set... Gotcha!

Nate Tallman — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 20:43:14 -0600

The storm was disappointing. I donned my rain suit and waited out in the parking lot for something big to come my way. There was a little wind, a lot of rain, and some lightening. Nothing to phone home about (although home called me a few times to see if I was ok).

Moving right along... A friend of mine suggested something interesting the other day. I pondered it and found it to be quite true. God often shows us a long path in the map of life simply to get us to take one step. I look back and think of the times He showed me a direction, I took a step, then plans changed. Ultimately it was all for the good, but would I have taken that one step if I hadn't seen this lengthy trail? Doubtful. I was motivated to take a step when I saw something that caught my eye. Call it a sort of holy "bait and switch". Sounds deceptive, but it's not really. It's all for the better. (Jeremiah 29:11-13, Romans 8:28-29, Proverbs 16:9)
My goal is to be mobile and malleable. I want to be open to His will and willing to do whatever, no matter the cost. I mustn't lock myself into one mode or plan. His direction for me could change at any second.

Time Capsule

Nate Tallman — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 01:12:27 -0600

A few things... Firstly, WOW, I can't say enough how much God is in control. His sovereignty is undeniable. "A saint is never consciously a saint; a saint is consciously
dependent on God."

Secondly, Through tumult and confusion, He is a light. There's no need to be afraid. It doesn't matter how bad things are, He hasn't given us a spirit of fear. (II Timothy 1:7)

From: Me

Nate Tallman — Sun, 13 Nov 2005 22:21:17 -0600

Good days make great memories.

T-Wave

Nate Tallman — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 00:57:20 -0600

Watch over your heart with all diligence For from it flow the springs of life. --Proverbs 4:23

Diligence - Earnest and persistent application to an undertaking; steady effort; assiduity

A sound heart is life to the body --Proverbs 14:30

The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit. -- Psalm 34:18

Saddle Up

Nate Tallman — Tue, 08 Nov 2005 09:51:08 -0600

A storm is coming. I can only speculate it's magnitude, but I can comfortably say it is going to flood. I can see the lightning in the distance. I can hear the roll of thunder. It's getting closer and gaining speed. A tidal wave of change is swiftly approaching.

Father, I'm ready to ride.

Pumpkin/Cinnamon/Marshmallow and Cart Pushing

Nate Tallman — Fri, 04 Nov 2005 22:43:35 -0600

Things will never be perfect. I will wait for that in heaven. Until then, I will praise Him in everything. Whether it's five days ago, and I am confused to no end, or it's two hours ago and life is peachy keen. I will praise Him. I pray that I will never forget His suffering and the price He paid. James wrote a letter to me and said, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." Amen, brother.

Life is always changing. However, it seems like things are turning more than ever now. I'm not sure exactly how to explain so I won't try for now. I stuggle to find purpose and success in my life, but the answers may be peeking through the haze. I'm also seeing more and more why He has me single. There is a definate purpose in that. Praise God!

Edit:
Even as I wrote this two hours ago, God was working. It's time to step up to the microphone. It's time to be stronger than ever. He has a plan and a purpose with everything. I'm excited to be a part of that!
Father, I'm ready to ride!

Mandelbrot

Nate Tallman — Tue, 01 Nov 2005 01:03:04 -0600

My heart hurts. I'm emotionally drained. I'm angry. I'm confused. I'm scared. I'm frustrated. I'm sick. I can list the symptoms. I can list the things heavy on my heart.
The one thing I can't do is name the root of it all.

I don't like this. This is not me. Instability has rarely been in the list of my characteristics. I don't like people like this. Yet, I sit here choking, on the verge of tears, sleepless, and I can't say why.

I went to intercession tonight after the J-Group stuff. 1,000,001 things occupied my thoughts. I fought to find peace in it all and left it no better. What kind of "leader" has problems like these? People ask me what's wrong. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know! Is there something wrong in my heart? I search, but don't find answers.

Now, I'm sleepy. Mercy in the moring, Father... please.

Mush

Nate Tallman — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 14:42:11 -0600

Phusebox is probably about to be inundated with posts like this, but whatever. Here's $0.02:

Fall retreat was good. The speaker was amazing. I got the chance to talk to him quite a bit. His heart is awesome. God time was abundant, love that. The stars were magnificant.

I love my friends. Sounds kinda sappy, but it's true. Here's the problem though, I don't know if they need me as much as I need them. I try not to be needy. I try to be a passive friend. I like to think they know they can come to me whenever they want or need. I don't think I'm at the top of anyone's list. That's not really a bad thing, but it sure would be nice to be needed sometimes.

I don't usually ask for prayer on here, but I desperately need it now. Firstly, a few of my friendships are tanking horribly. I'm totally helpless on this and absolutely don't know what to do. Secondly, a few friends of mine are going through trials. They hurt and I can't do anything about it. It makes my heart ache. Lastly, I know God has asked me to be single for now. Most of the time I am content with that, but sometimes I get an overwhelming feeling of lonliness and miss the companionship, the deeper relationship that comes with sharing life with someone.
Thank you for praying for these things. Even if you just mention it once, I appreciate it greatly.

Fall Retreat and Stuff(edCouch)

Nate Tallman — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 00:57:44 -0500

In about 13 hours we leave for fall retreat, it will be awesome. I'm trying to pack, but then I realize that I really need to do a load of laundry. The washer is not being very quiet right now. I really hope it doesn't wake my roommate up. Normally, I would just shut it off and wait til morning, but I really need to get this stuff done so I can finish packing.

I'm excited about the retreat. I've heard that I may get to sleep outside, which will be incredible with the stars shining through the crisp air. The speaker we have coming is amazing as well. Jason handed out a bunch of CD's that had two sermons from this guy. I listened to both of them twice. Amazing how God can use a message from a guy I don't know, recorded who know's when to hit me right in the chest. Yeah... I'm excited.

In other news, what should I do with my website (http://www.stuffedcouch.com)? It used to be a blog, but I've got this now (I quit blogging there originally to get away from a stalker). I use it for R&D, but nobody sees that except me :) Maybe I'll just mirror the RSS feed from here and make it look pretty. Yeah, that's prob what I'll. I might play around with Mafia. Who knows? I am getting into a little bit of 3D rendering stuff. Maybe that'll be my showcase.

No Catchy Title (as if the others are catchy)

Nate Tallman — Tue, 25 Oct 2005 02:53:59 -0500

I met with my J-Group tonight. It was great! Only two guys showed up, but I'm getting comfortable with my guys being sporadic.
Intercession was neat tonight. I got in there late and left early. God did what He wanted to do quickly and effectively. Turns out I got the chance to pray with a friend of mine who is going through a tough time. He is so faithful! I can't comment enough about how His timing is perfect. He shows just enough of His grand scheme at just the right moment, just when it's truly needed. He answers prayer in ways that I could not have imagined (talk about creativity).

A few people had some questions about Alpha Channel Maxed. My previous post was not directed at any one person, or any five people for that matter. Consider it a blanket. If anyone has questions about it, please call me. I would love to talk about it.

Alpha Channel Maxed

Nate Tallman — Mon, 24 Oct 2005 01:30:43 -0500

I know I posted a few hours ago. Sue me :)

Last night (Saturday), after the costume party, I went to Steak and Shake with a few people. The coffee flowed freely (seriously... she didn't charge me), and I had a good time visiting with a few friends. After I got home at around 2:30am or so, I couldn't go to sleep. Part of it was the six cups of coffee, but part of it was that I had several things on my mind. Finally, when 4:30am rolled around and I was still wide awake, I decided to head over to the church (a whopping 300 yards from my house). The next couple of hours were great: praying, reading the Word, and playing the piano.

While I was talking to God, I mostly discussed the heavy stuff on my heart. That mainly had to do with relationships. I see my relationships heading in directions I don't like. That is to say, I see some of them are going south for no apparent reason, others are going too far in a direction I'm not comfortable with, and yet others are staying stagnant. Of the three categories, I'm most concerned with the former two.

I don't know why friendships fail. I have a feeling that it is mostly due to mis-/non-communication. The petty pitfalls could be avoided if people just talked. It is also very important to mention that truth is a key component in this discussion. Sometimes, difficult topics must be brought up. Whatever the case, there can't be any misunderstandings when all is said and done.

As for the relationships going too far in a direction, I'm not sure what is happening. Speaking the truth here helps too, but unfortunately I can only discuss my side of the truth. This partially has to do with what I wrote in Confusion Squared. I never found the answer as to what I'm doing to create confusion in people. All I can do now is tell you point-blank what my thoughts and intentions are.

I am in no position to be in a relationship consisting of anything more than friendship.
I have far too much growth that needs to happen, I have far too much to learn before I will ever be ready for a serious relationship. If I have misled you into believing that I was interested in anything more than friendship, I apologize. I assure you that it was unintentional. I thought that I had made this point almost-clear from the beginning, but this may come as a surprise to some. If you are hurt by what I'm saying, again, I apologize.

I hope this doesn't damage relationships. I love my friends and appreciate the bonds I have with those friends. The last thing I want to do is sever those links. I would greatly love to continue on in friendship and enjoy all the benefits that come along with that.

If you would like to talk to me, yell at me, question me, whatever, you probably know my cell.

Maybe this will start things going in the right direction.